Gay, friendly but lonely..

49% Normal
9 Comments

i'm living in a small city in Turkey. I'm gay. I'm 29. I felt that i'm homosexual at the age of 17 and i knew it from the begining that i can't deny it.

after i felt that i'd been living in a bell jarr around my early twenties, i just wanted to come out to people whom i cherish, the ones whom the closest to me all my life.

my coming out always has been hard for me. as homosexuality in turkey is still taboo, you have to put your feelings off if you carry on easily in daily life.

no exposure no pain.

and all of sudden i just felt that i'm living in two state of moods: one is the fake that lives a dull, unfunctional and two-faced story, fullfiling the other's lives to make everything comfy for them and the other is the real whose pain is at its peak at the end of the day when the growing dreams, uneased despair and unfullfilled desires becoming slowly and selfishly at the centre of the life.

i came out to my cousin, who is a lawyer..he ignored me...and at last, in a pitiful act he advised me to get on with girls and get married as if i said nothing.
i came out to my friend,who shared me with her deepest thoughts and secret details, she also couldn't believe and advised me to get married.

after all 5 years i couldn't come out and contact with anyone.
and came out to my mother. she shocked and cursed and advised me how her lonely friends could make it happen in the life...she said to me: don't say anyone that embarasses us..
she also ignores me at the end. she doesn't talk to me about that..she ignores me alot.
and also came out to my friend we have been accquinted with her nearly 15 years.. and she even ignore me...she faced with the fact that not schock but sense of understanding.

what makes me sick about that, everything in turkey and around me playing what we called: three monkeys. no hear no see no talk.

even my mom even my closest friends.
and after all i don't know what to do, where to go.
don't call me prudish or stuck-up, arrogant person but i don't want to meet people over the internet and get secretly involved with sex or carry on a friendship. i don't believe it.

any advise or any hope at the end of the tunnel?

Voting Results
49% Normal
Based on 43 votes (21 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 9 )
  • nikki92
    11 years ago

    yes, where are you from? maybe a bigger city in turkey or more turistic would help you to make new friends. and get your confidence back :)
    i am a hopeless romantic :)) i think there is a soulmate for everyone. women are not bad, but don't settle for less just because some people said that!
    if you don't find you cup of people in your country. try to travel somewhere else.. i know it is quite hard to go anywhere from turkey because of the visa. my boyfriend is from turkey and i am from prague. we have biiig problems with that. i don't get the work permition to work in turkey. he can't come here.. :( it is sad.. so you know that there are lot of kinds of problems..
    anyway don't give up!!! i am sure you will be loved someday soon :) good luck!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • limiter
    12 years ago

    you have to move to New York. Just do it. You don't need anything to live here. you'll find people who love you. I've met some guys like you and you just have to get out of there. Get on a bus, a train, a plane. Go anywhere there's people. See the rest of the world.

    Budapest. Prague. Bring some clothes and some money.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    seni cok sevyorum :)

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Xilos
    13 years ago

    I think your best bet, given what seems like depression, might be to move to Istanbul? Try and find a job there, start a new life. People will be much more receptive on such a cosmopolitan city.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • BADMAN!
    14 years ago

    If your freinds and family aren't able to come to terms with who you are, that's their problem. The important thing for you to remember, especially at a time like this when you are feeling so lonely is DO NOT GIVE IN TO OTHER PEOPLE EXPECTATIONS. If other people have a problem with who you are, it is by the nature of definition THEIR PROBLEM, NOT YOURS. Have you travelled to other countries where sexuality is more accepting? I understand it is very sad to have to leave your home but it may help to be in a place where you can truly be yourself.

    A very sad state of affairs. Best of luck.

    BADMAN!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • blegh
    14 years ago

    This is normal, but also terribly sad.
    I am fortunate enough to be a homosexual living in the United Kingdom, where tolerance is the norm, but unfortunately my own parents do not follow this trend. I know how you feel in this regard. If you ever need someone with whom to talk, then just message me.

    x

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • andrian007
    14 years ago

    Unfortunately, life as a gay man can be hard in certain parts of the world. Your family wants you to bury your sexuality forever and understandably you don't want to do that.

    Like the previous poster you can try to simply move out to another country. It's a big step, I know, but if you really want to be accepted as a gay man, then you need to go somewhere where the people are liberal enough to accept you just the way you are. I'm sorry to hear abou your situation. Good luck and tell us all how things go.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • [Old Memory]
    14 years ago

    Live a secret life or move to another country. I don't see what else.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • dashin
    14 years ago

    hi,first of all don't worry about those who do not worry about you even if its your mom or those people whom you call friends!!and second thing to enjoy a great life you don't have to shout about your sexuality to anyone you meet...just find things that make you happy in everyday life..."same sex attraction is just a part of you..its not the only you" try to understand this.You will feel happy when you find someONE special till then find someTHING special in the circumstances that you are in RATHER THAN FINDING THINGS WHICH ARE OUT OF YOUR REACH RIGHT NOW....i hope you live a great life :)

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0