Yes, I am shy and I am 22. It doesn't help that I am petite and people always assume I am so young (some people say I could look like I am 15 or in high school. My sister is in high school and I can even wear her clothes). And yes, I really hope in the future a guy will notice and/or approach me because I feel unnoticed by men for the most part.
Ok this is you, accept yourself and then try to be just a little bit more confident and positive. Relax you are very young ( i am 25) and it was really hard for me to find someone too especially for the first time, i couldn't trust men easily..... You are going to find someone great. But you have to do it your way. Think about it, what holds you back? Be painfully honest. I think you are afraid of something and this is holding you back. I think you sabotage yourself because you are afraid of something. And going to 2 parties and having no one to approaching you is not a big deal at all... :P I don't think that your issue is that men don't approach you, your issue is what YOU are doing about it and WHY you don't do anything about it. Open yourself up a little bit a step at a time in the right moment , find someone that you like and make only one step at a time and if he proves worthy make one more.
What is holding me back is being ignored or rejected. Even though I have never asked a guy out or anything, in my mind I feel like I have been rejected so many times. I have tried putting myself in social situations/events where guys would ignore me and not look me in the eye and it really hurts me-like why will a guy purposely put so much effort into ignoring me or not looking me in the eye, or not having a pleasant face when they see me. No not all men treat me this way, but most men I have encountered have just ignored me. Only taxi drivers will compliment tell me I am beautiful or sometimes an older man might say I am very beautiful but this happens on a rare occasion. But what is holding me back is rejection. I am scared if I try to open up to a man, he will ignore me like almost the rest of them. And if a decent looking guy has ever been interested in me and I did not know, I probably would convince myself that he isn't actually interested or I would get scared because I am not used to male attention. Instead, I just gave up and told myself, I will let the guy who really wants me to come approach me and make a move on me instead.
I forgot, you have to reject those who reject you off course. And they give you a great lesson so that you can become better. But is the rejection real or it is your fault? Does anyone really rejects you or you reject them first with your behavior? Ask a friend what you are doing wrong, or if you already know try to fix the problem. Maybe you say something or you are extremely aloof yourself and others get offended by that. Do you look at them ? Or you look somewhere else and then you are wondering what is wrong?
Try to understand what is happening. is this rejection thing real ? Or you are rejecting everyone first by being extremely unapproachable. I have never heard someone saying that guys don't loo at them in the eye as often as you say it. Maybe you are extremely aloof and guys feel rejected and uncomfortable. Notice your body language you have to make some effort to act like you notice people around you.
Of course you will let him approach you, when he does you will not be very shy, but still you will be yourself. When i said that you will make one step at a time, i meant after he approaches you first you will be open and you will share a little bit of who you are, by being relaxed and just focus on who he is, not on yourself. Then if he asks you out that's the next step you talk a little bit more and you tell him what you are looking for in general.
If guys don't approach you that much you have to feel better about yourself and not let that get you down. I don't know why they don't even look at you sometimes.... But I bet you must know... or ask a friend if you are doing something wrong. You can fix the situation. And the best way to meet men for every woman is through common friends. Feel better, work on your confidence, accept yourself and go to different places. WHere do you hang out?
I go to barnes and nobles/coffeeshop or the library if I need to study sometimes. Sometimes, I hang out by the dining hall or sometimes I might go to an event by an organization on campus.
I somehow feel like the rejection is real, especially with men around my age range. And I do not think I am intimidating in anyway. Or maybe sometimes I feel like the men don't like my personality or it is a possibility that just might not be attracted to me. I heard that attraction can also be about luck-finding the right guy that is into the way you look. And maybe I am just unlucky most of the time.
To be honest, In really don't know what I need to fix. One time my taxi driver asked if I stayed in with my bf all the time and I said I don't have a bf and then he said I am very beautiful and that I would find someone because he sees ugly women with bfs. Lol he kept complimenting me until I got to my destination. He even asked if he wanted to set me up with someone lol. But I don't know if he is the type guy to hit on many women or if its just the case the beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Sometimes my friends say you look good or like my aunt asked who am I dating and she said now that my skin is clear men should be approaching me but I told her that men don't approach me and she was like wow and also my family friend would ask me if I have gotten a bf yet and she assumed that it was because I was focusing on my studies but really thats not the reason. But really I don't think I am doing something wrong (unless you count being shy and dressing modestly as culprits). But I am the type of girl who doesn't start a conversation with people around me. But once a conversation is started with me, I think that is when my personality really shines through.
there are many men who love girls who dress very modestly and dressing modestly in general is considered a good thing. But maybe you should dress a little less modestly and have a little bit of a fashion sense and some lipstick on. Play with your looks a little bit. I think I know where the problem is, you are not 100% socially adapted. You should go out more in places that people your age go, like a bar and meet people. Where do you want men to approach you at a coffee shop? :p That is very rare. You sound like you are extremely in your own shell.
You nee to change your social life a little bit. What are you going to do when you find a boyfriend? Go to coffee shops and study? Go to more places, off course only places that you love.Don't you have more places that you like to go?
I know many girls who look extremely modest and had many boyfriends. It is all have to do with how you feel about yourself and your life. But it is not only that your biggest issue is that you are very innocent and closed off in your shell. You need to adjust yourself to the rest of the world and be one with the rest of your age group more. That is your problem. The way you talk you sound like someone way younger than you are.
Forever Alone
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Yes, I am shy and I am 22. It doesn't help that I am petite and people always assume I am so young (some people say I could look like I am 15 or in high school. My sister is in high school and I can even wear her clothes). And yes, I really hope in the future a guy will notice and/or approach me because I feel unnoticed by men for the most part.
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RedDaisy
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Ok this is you, accept yourself and then try to be just a little bit more confident and positive. Relax you are very young ( i am 25) and it was really hard for me to find someone too especially for the first time, i couldn't trust men easily..... You are going to find someone great. But you have to do it your way. Think about it, what holds you back? Be painfully honest. I think you are afraid of something and this is holding you back. I think you sabotage yourself because you are afraid of something. And going to 2 parties and having no one to approaching you is not a big deal at all... :P I don't think that your issue is that men don't approach you, your issue is what YOU are doing about it and WHY you don't do anything about it. Open yourself up a little bit a step at a time in the right moment , find someone that you like and make only one step at a time and if he proves worthy make one more.
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What is holding me back is being ignored or rejected. Even though I have never asked a guy out or anything, in my mind I feel like I have been rejected so many times. I have tried putting myself in social situations/events where guys would ignore me and not look me in the eye and it really hurts me-like why will a guy purposely put so much effort into ignoring me or not looking me in the eye, or not having a pleasant face when they see me. No not all men treat me this way, but most men I have encountered have just ignored me. Only taxi drivers will compliment tell me I am beautiful or sometimes an older man might say I am very beautiful but this happens on a rare occasion. But what is holding me back is rejection. I am scared if I try to open up to a man, he will ignore me like almost the rest of them. And if a decent looking guy has ever been interested in me and I did not know, I probably would convince myself that he isn't actually interested or I would get scared because I am not used to male attention. Instead, I just gave up and told myself, I will let the guy who really wants me to come approach me and make a move on me instead.
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RedDaisy
5 years ago
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RedDaisy
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I forgot, you have to reject those who reject you off course. And they give you a great lesson so that you can become better. But is the rejection real or it is your fault? Does anyone really rejects you or you reject them first with your behavior? Ask a friend what you are doing wrong, or if you already know try to fix the problem. Maybe you say something or you are extremely aloof yourself and others get offended by that. Do you look at them ? Or you look somewhere else and then you are wondering what is wrong?
Try to understand what is happening. is this rejection thing real ? Or you are rejecting everyone first by being extremely unapproachable. I have never heard someone saying that guys don't loo at them in the eye as often as you say it. Maybe you are extremely aloof and guys feel rejected and uncomfortable. Notice your body language you have to make some effort to act like you notice people around you.
Of course you will let him approach you, when he does you will not be very shy, but still you will be yourself. When i said that you will make one step at a time, i meant after he approaches you first you will be open and you will share a little bit of who you are, by being relaxed and just focus on who he is, not on yourself. Then if he asks you out that's the next step you talk a little bit more and you tell him what you are looking for in general.
If guys don't approach you that much you have to feel better about yourself and not let that get you down. I don't know why they don't even look at you sometimes.... But I bet you must know... or ask a friend if you are doing something wrong. You can fix the situation. And the best way to meet men for every woman is through common friends. Feel better, work on your confidence, accept yourself and go to different places. WHere do you hang out?
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Anonymous Post Author
5 years ago
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I go to barnes and nobles/coffeeshop or the library if I need to study sometimes. Sometimes, I hang out by the dining hall or sometimes I might go to an event by an organization on campus.
I somehow feel like the rejection is real, especially with men around my age range. And I do not think I am intimidating in anyway. Or maybe sometimes I feel like the men don't like my personality or it is a possibility that just might not be attracted to me. I heard that attraction can also be about luck-finding the right guy that is into the way you look. And maybe I am just unlucky most of the time.
To be honest, In really don't know what I need to fix. One time my taxi driver asked if I stayed in with my bf all the time and I said I don't have a bf and then he said I am very beautiful and that I would find someone because he sees ugly women with bfs. Lol he kept complimenting me until I got to my destination. He even asked if he wanted to set me up with someone lol. But I don't know if he is the type guy to hit on many women or if its just the case the beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Sometimes my friends say you look good or like my aunt asked who am I dating and she said now that my skin is clear men should be approaching me but I told her that men don't approach me and she was like wow and also my family friend would ask me if I have gotten a bf yet and she assumed that it was because I was focusing on my studies but really thats not the reason. But really I don't think I am doing something wrong (unless you count being shy and dressing modestly as culprits). But I am the type of girl who doesn't start a conversation with people around me. But once a conversation is started with me, I think that is when my personality really shines through.
--
RedDaisy
5 years ago
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there are many men who love girls who dress very modestly and dressing modestly in general is considered a good thing. But maybe you should dress a little less modestly and have a little bit of a fashion sense and some lipstick on. Play with your looks a little bit. I think I know where the problem is, you are not 100% socially adapted. You should go out more in places that people your age go, like a bar and meet people. Where do you want men to approach you at a coffee shop? :p That is very rare. You sound like you are extremely in your own shell.
You nee to change your social life a little bit. What are you going to do when you find a boyfriend? Go to coffee shops and study? Go to more places, off course only places that you love.Don't you have more places that you like to go?
I know many girls who look extremely modest and had many boyfriends. It is all have to do with how you feel about yourself and your life. But it is not only that your biggest issue is that you are very innocent and closed off in your shell. You need to adjust yourself to the rest of the world and be one with the rest of your age group more. That is your problem. The way you talk you sound like someone way younger than you are.