First time was with a prostitute and now a porn addict
hi , all my childhood i was very sentimental kinda kid and during my all life i was "falling in love" or you could say "had a crush on" on many girls at and every time i couldnt think about anything else ,i had the idea i'm very romantic in my thoughts but apperantly that didnt get me the warmth i craved for , i remember huggin my pillows and imaginig it's the girl im currently mentaly attached to , well because it went like that till i was 17 and still had no real experience with girls apart of kissing and such , i went to a prostitute ,the experience was very short and very empty , by the way it was in the red lights district in amsterdam (story wise), it cost me 50 euros and many more years of guilt ,now i am 24 and i still havnt had a lasting relationship with a girl , i had sex without paying for it but it doesn't feel right either and to release my testostorone level and emotion i find myself masturbating too often and i feel empty. i never told anyone about it and the though of it just makes me wanna vomit. the thing is that whenever i see a girl i like, i think to myslef i should do her a favour and not get to know her , i've had rough sex and light sex and girl gave me bj's wich i dont understand how could they do it and why ,porn makes me feel dirty and meaningless, in one hand there is poverty and death and on the other hand a lonley guy masturbating his soul away.
i actually have more stuff i would like to share but even though its anonimouse i have a hard time writing it all in once.
any suggestions?