There was probably some baseline level of potential for liking women there from pre-puberty, at least in part because I craved female affection because my relationship with my mum was distant and I didn't feel completely secure with her as a kid.
But I think I became bisexual by training my tastes to like women more and more. A childhood background of lack of maternal affection, curiosity, imagination, an indulgent and self-indulgent character plus one or two other inherited traits, and not having developed the norms and boundaries as a child that one develops by adulthood, took me on from there, probably. I was able to accept in myself that that was what I had made myself around 2015. I spent a while wondering if I was bisexual in the same way as people are different races and I considered the 'born this way' narrative for a while, but it didn't quite 'fit' my experiences unless I forced myself to swallow it - in the same way as the theology of one or two early churches I attended didn't quite fit what seemed to be true from my own studies or experiences, either.
I don't accept the LGBTQIA+/queer identity politics narrative or certain theological narratives from certain churches I have known. I feel more free as a person for the fact that I am not screwing my eyes and ears shut and forcing myself to believe a collective party line when I don't really believe it. I feel even more free for the fact that I am not capitulating to pressure to tell the story of 'who I am' in the way that any movement wants me to, and to define my fundamental identity in the terms the movement requires, even though I'm not sure I agree with the content of those terms, and far less want to make them my fundamental identity.
If 'queer' is a thing (in the terms that Queer Theory, Critical Theory and social justice movements prescribe), it's something I developed in myself. It's not something I am, and it's not something I always definitely was from birth or before birth and had to 'realise' that I was, like someone taking a paternity test and realising who their biological father is.
Fellow LGBTQ’s: When did you realize you were queer?
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There was probably some baseline level of potential for liking women there from pre-puberty, at least in part because I craved female affection because my relationship with my mum was distant and I didn't feel completely secure with her as a kid.
But I think I became bisexual by training my tastes to like women more and more. A childhood background of lack of maternal affection, curiosity, imagination, an indulgent and self-indulgent character plus one or two other inherited traits, and not having developed the norms and boundaries as a child that one develops by adulthood, took me on from there, probably. I was able to accept in myself that that was what I had made myself around 2015. I spent a while wondering if I was bisexual in the same way as people are different races and I considered the 'born this way' narrative for a while, but it didn't quite 'fit' my experiences unless I forced myself to swallow it - in the same way as the theology of one or two early churches I attended didn't quite fit what seemed to be true from my own studies or experiences, either.
I don't accept the LGBTQIA+/queer identity politics narrative or certain theological narratives from certain churches I have known. I feel more free as a person for the fact that I am not screwing my eyes and ears shut and forcing myself to believe a collective party line when I don't really believe it. I feel even more free for the fact that I am not capitulating to pressure to tell the story of 'who I am' in the way that any movement wants me to, and to define my fundamental identity in the terms the movement requires, even though I'm not sure I agree with the content of those terms, and far less want to make them my fundamental identity.
If 'queer' is a thing (in the terms that Queer Theory, Critical Theory and social justice movements prescribe), it's something I developed in myself. It's not something I am, and it's not something I always definitely was from birth or before birth and had to 'realise' that I was, like someone taking a paternity test and realising who their biological father is.