Feeling jealous of boyfriend's friend

78% Normal
5 Comments

I've been with my boyfriend "Louie" almost a year. I'm very happy with him, we always have a good time together and we care about each other a lot. He has a friend "Darla" who works at a local bar/hotel. Darla has been nothing but nice to me; she calmed me down once during an anxiety attack when Louie and I went to the bar and got a room (sometimes too much noise at once freaks me out). But lately I've felt kind of jealous of what they have.

I know he doesn't love her romantically, but a couple weeks ago he called her to apologize because he wasn't able to tip her and he felt like "such a piece of ****". It's nice that he's able to apologize to her, he cares about her as a friend which is perfectly fine. however I got to thinking about how he's rarely apologized after our arguments. He loves me but he's gotten verbally aggressive when he's been drunk or aggravated about other things that have nothing to do with me, then stonewalled me afterwards. He's not physically abusive, the closest it ever got to that was grabbing me by the arm. I always apologize when I raise my voice because even though I'm not angry but trying to get a point across, I can see how I might look unstable. It just didn't seem fair that he could apologize to her so much easier than me. I feel bad for feeling that way because she's a nice person.

Pretty much my whole life I've had jealous tendencies. Mostly regarding every love interest I've had but sometimes friends too, like when I went to Zumba all the time and was close with my my instructor and she called my friend her "favorite girl". Idk where this comes from. Is it normal that I get this feeling?

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78% Normal
Based on 9 votes (7 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • KholatKhult
    2 years ago

    This is probably one of the most common and textbook sour spots in how couples act. It’s a bitch to fix but it is very very common - and does not mean failure at all.

    Get alcohol out of his life. Alcohol is horrible for most men, it makes most of us aggressive and brutish. I am a relatively gentle dude, but I’m an asshole on vodka, so I quit. I’m convinced it’s genetics or a result of high testosterone, people handle intoxication different ways.

    I’ve seen way too many dudes with great personalities become monsters and lose everything because of alcohol.
    Some men are going to be in a constant war with their aggression, it’s a never ending cycle of learning to chill down, alcohol does NOT help this.

    Guys get angry, make an ass of themselves, and then get embarrassed and annoyed that they acted that way so they go stone to hide the shame. This cycle beats our ass, and the longer it goes on the quicker we are to irritation. If you can talk to him and convince him to learn better anger techniques you will be able to skip the embarrassment and stone and he will become a much much better person and partner.

    Jealousy’s a bitch. Over/under-apologizing is a habit that’s annoying to kick. People have an easier time being vulnerable with people that they don’t feel they have to impress or owe anything to. Most likely he is upset with how he has been acting, but it’s embarrassing to own up to, because as soon as he admits his attitude has been a problem it feels like a promise to work on it - laziness puts this off.

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  • SkullsNRoses
    2 years ago

    I think the real problem here is Louie not treating you with respect.

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    • RoseIsabella
      2 years ago

      Yes!

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  • litelander8
    2 years ago

    My two best friends are engaged to each other. So I definitely understand how your feeling Bc if my dude friend is talking to me “too much” or she goes to bed and he doesn’t follow she gets pissed. Keep in mind, him and I are night owls and she likes to be in bed by 10.

    I think you need to be open about how you feel before things get worse.

    Do they hang out outside of the bar? I’m curious Bc I’m a server/ bartender and I’ve got a bunch of regulars numbers and talk to them fairly often. A lot of times we become the person that people can relax and talk to easily.

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  • RoseIsabella
    2 years ago

    I bet this dude is an alcoholic!

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