Feeling bad for being poor

I have a disability and its harder than ever to get a job right now.

When I went to the habilitation centers for advice and help the therapist I spoke to told me that the employment agency doesn't bother because "I don't look disabled".I'm guessing you have to look "ugly" and disgusting and like you live in a ditch because all disabled people are scum to them.I have 107$ to live from a month.I pay rent at home and recently had to start paying more.And soon my mothers birthday is coming up.My sibling has come up with a great idea for a gift but I need to pay at least half and it's a very expensive thing.My sibling found it for a very low price and yet too much.It make me a horrible person?

I feel hopeless about it.I dont know if you can get payed money to survive with a disability without a job.Everytime ive tried to ask the employment agency about those things they have told me either none of my business or to go look it up myself.Even though the contacts ive had at the employment agency are people who are specialized in only helping us with disabilities.Even those contacts have been discriminatory and rude to me.One dude kept putting helping me aside and blamed it on having bad memory !!! Once he set a reminder INFRONT of me to show that he was making sure to remember calling me next week,and he didnt.Eventually I contacted the employment agency after lots of pushing myself through anxiety to do it and they said he had just gone home early for no reason.He ended up getting fired eventually but that took very long.I had other contacts treating me badly too.

I guess its true I dont look disabled.I mask a lot and I am calm in meetings,it seems like they expect all disabled people to be a nervous wreck,bang their heads into the wall and drool.I have lost all motivation to find a job myself my executive dysfunction just gets worse from all setbacks.Please tell me what I can do I am having a hard time thinking my brain is a mess.

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 7 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • LOL

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  • You shouldn't feel bad for being poor if you're trying your best to work and take care of yourself. The only poor people who should feel bad are those who are lazy and refuse to work out of laziness. That doesn't sound like you.

    What country do you live in. In many countries they have programs to help the disabled who can't work or are temporarily out of work.

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  • What kind of disability? Autism?

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    • Yeah but not just that

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  • You can’t fill out applications online?

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    • Yes but its not effective.Especially now most companies dont want to hire due to pandemic.

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