I feel for you. I was a "late bloomer" too, and although I lost it at an earlier age, many many years ago, I'm still kicking myself for not having done so sooner. You are missing out on a major part of life.
It is true that women will see how anxious you are, and most will indeed reject you for that reason alone. Women prefer men who are experienced, who know what they are doing, who know how to handle their body. However, there are some women who won't reject you because of this; they may even like the idea of helping you with this "problem."
I would suggest going outside of your social circle, and finding a woman you are comfortable enough telling your problem to. Yes, it is best if you tell her. You should make your choice on the assumption that she will NOT become your girlfriend. So, it is perfectly fine if she is less attractive or older. But, you obviously want someone who is fairly experienced, so that she can help you with any problems. And, it is best if she ultimately ends up spending a few weeks or months with you, so that you can learn.
Finding such a woman can potentially be quite difficult, as you're in a bit of a catch-22 situation. Women are attracted to confidence; you lack confidence because you haven't been with a woman. So, if you get stuck, there is another approach that is much more reliable: Hire a prostitute. There is nothing ethically wrong with this, but you will have to consider legal issues, if this happens to be illegal in your jurisdiction. Choose a quality prostitute you are comfortable with, talk to her, and tell her about your problem, before you give her any money. If you are not comfortable, walk away, and find another one. She will get you over the hurdle of being a virgin and will give you confidence.
Fear of opening up is perfectly normal, especially considering that you are a virgin. For a guy, physical intimacy needs to come before emotional intimacy. So, that's where you need to start. Over time, you will get used to opening up and being naked with a woman.
Once you lose your virginity, you will feel like "The Man," just like Dustin Hoffman did in "The Graduate." Rent that movie for your amusement; he was in the same situation.
Although it sounds "out there", I agree. You need "professional help".
The other thing is that you should plan to spend a few sessions with her... that way if things don't happen the 1st few times, you wont have too many expectations for the first date.
Once you have been there and done it, your (justifiable) anxiety will melt away.
Fear of sex and intimacy
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I feel for you. I was a "late bloomer" too, and although I lost it at an earlier age, many many years ago, I'm still kicking myself for not having done so sooner. You are missing out on a major part of life.
It is true that women will see how anxious you are, and most will indeed reject you for that reason alone. Women prefer men who are experienced, who know what they are doing, who know how to handle their body. However, there are some women who won't reject you because of this; they may even like the idea of helping you with this "problem."
I would suggest going outside of your social circle, and finding a woman you are comfortable enough telling your problem to. Yes, it is best if you tell her. You should make your choice on the assumption that she will NOT become your girlfriend. So, it is perfectly fine if she is less attractive or older. But, you obviously want someone who is fairly experienced, so that she can help you with any problems. And, it is best if she ultimately ends up spending a few weeks or months with you, so that you can learn.
Finding such a woman can potentially be quite difficult, as you're in a bit of a catch-22 situation. Women are attracted to confidence; you lack confidence because you haven't been with a woman. So, if you get stuck, there is another approach that is much more reliable: Hire a prostitute. There is nothing ethically wrong with this, but you will have to consider legal issues, if this happens to be illegal in your jurisdiction. Choose a quality prostitute you are comfortable with, talk to her, and tell her about your problem, before you give her any money. If you are not comfortable, walk away, and find another one. She will get you over the hurdle of being a virgin and will give you confidence.
Fear of opening up is perfectly normal, especially considering that you are a virgin. For a guy, physical intimacy needs to come before emotional intimacy. So, that's where you need to start. Over time, you will get used to opening up and being naked with a woman.
Once you lose your virginity, you will feel like "The Man," just like Dustin Hoffman did in "The Graduate." Rent that movie for your amusement; he was in the same situation.
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cooldavid
14 years ago
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Although it sounds "out there", I agree. You need "professional help".
The other thing is that you should plan to spend a few sessions with her... that way if things don't happen the 1st few times, you wont have too many expectations for the first date.
Once you have been there and done it, your (justifiable) anxiety will melt away.