Fear of sex and intimacy

same for me. im VERY insecure. my penis size...a little insecure. im not gay but i know im gonna be nervous as hell. maybe cuz im a virgin

I used to be insecure about having sex because of my body, but I found someone who made me feel completely comfortable and attractive and so will you!

I'm glad you're getting help for this situation that you're in. It does sound like there is more to it than just a fear of sex, you did say a fear of intimacy as well, which could range over a broad spectrum. Gaining confidence in yourself is paramount. Learning to accept yourself as a worthy person is what you need to do first. There will always be somebody who rejects you, it's human nature to sometimes meet somebody you don't gel with for whatever reason, but it doesn't mean there is something wrong with you, just that you and that other person don't connect. You have to learn to not take it too personally.

Rejection within a relationship is a different matter because it's on a more personal level and that can be very painful, so of course, I understand your fear in that regard. You have to learn to overcome the fear and I'm sure your therapist will show you how to do that. If you really can't get to the bottom of this fear, try hypnosis, it really helps to unlock hidden emotions and clarify things. I have tried this method a few times in my life and have found out so much about myself, trust me, its worth trying it out. Your subconscious has it all stored in there, even though you conscious mind can't tap in, it's all there, just get in touch with it. An exercise I used to do with the hynotherapist was firstly to create a room I was comfortable in within my mind, then he would tell me to visualise myself as my inner child, then enter the room and he'd ask me questions about what I saw in there, who was present if anybody, how I felt and why etc. It helps to get to the bottom of any childhood issues you may have and sometimes, you get to give that inner child a whopping dose of love and empathy which is really cool, because it's teaching you how to love yourself again. It's amazing to confront yourself in a childlike state, also amazing just how powerful your mind is. Don't knock it till you've tried it.

On sex, I just want to say from a woman's point of view, that I understand your anxiety about this. Some women can be real bitches about these sorts of things, but then again, you can usually tell beforehand what sort of women they are. I don't get along with women for the most part, unless they are the "down to earth, enjoy a good laugh at a crude comment and just like to have real fun without being judgemental" sort. What I have found to be good practice when chosing female friends or even whom I will engage in conversation with is to first sit back on the sidelines a bit and just quietly watch people. Watch the women around you. Their body language will tell you pretty quickly what they're all about. Also, the way they talk, make eye contact with men will let you know what sort they are, just your good old girl next door with a heart of gold or a sexual predator who will eat you alive and expect you to be amazing in bed right off the bat, then ask for your credit cards. Just watching their interaction with other w

You probably can't be intimate with somebody because you're afraid of being rejected. Feelings like this often (but not always) stem from early childhood. Maybe your mum or dad didn't fully accept you, for whatever reason. Or maybe you were humiliated by a girlfriend in the past.

It's likely that your fear of rejection isn't purely related to sex. Am I correct in thinking that you find it hard to open up to friends and family as well? That you find it hard to ever really be yourself?

Whatever the cause, this fear of intimacy is clearly making you very unhappy and I'd strongly recommend that you go see a good counselor. My thoughts are with you. Get in touch with me if you want to talk some more.

I feel for you. I was a "late bloomer" too, and although I lost it at an earlier age, many many years ago, I'm still kicking myself for not having done so sooner. You are missing out on a major part of life.

It is true that women will see how anxious you are, and most will indeed reject you for that reason alone. Women prefer men who are experienced, who know what they are doing, who know how to handle their body. However, there are some women who won't reject you because of this; they may even like the idea of helping you with this "problem."

I would suggest going outside of your social circle, and finding a woman you are comfortable enough telling your problem to. Yes, it is best if you tell her. You should make your choice on the assumption that she will NOT become your girlfriend. So, it is perfectly fine if she is less attractive or older. But, you obviously want someone who is fairly experienced, so that she can help you with any problems. And, it is best if she ultimately ends up spending a few weeks or months with you, so that you can learn.

Finding such a woman can potentially be quite difficult, as you're in a bit of a catch-22 situation. Women are attracted to confidence; you lack confidence because you haven't been with a woman. So, if you get stuck, there is another approach that is much more reliable: Hire a prostitute. There is nothing ethically wrong with this, but you will have to consider legal issues, if this happens to be illegal in your jurisdiction. Choose a quality prostitute you are comfortable with, talk to her, and tell her about your problem, before you give her any money. If you are not comfortable, walk away, and find another one. She will get you over the hurdle of being a virgin and will give you confidence.

Fear of opening up is perfectly normal, especially considering that you are a virgin. For a guy, physical intimacy needs to come before emotional intimacy. So, that's where you need to start. Over time, you will get used to opening up and being naked with a woman.

Once you lose your virginity, you will feel like "The Man," just like Dustin Hoffman did in "The Graduate." Rent that movie for your amusement; he was in the same situation.

fuck me