Fear of disappointment

53% Normal
13 Comments

I am not lazy but I get distracted too often. So I am unable to concentrate on anything. And that leads to disappointment. So, to not face disappointment anymore, I have altogether started to 'not do anything'. To not fail a test I would not appear for the test at all. I even have stopped looking for a job or any other alternative because of this fear. It has started to affect my life a lot.

Voting Results
53% Normal
Based on 17 votes (9 yes)
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Comments ( 13 )
  • Tato
    5 years ago

    It's normal to be afraid, but if you sit yourself in a corner and avoid any challenge that may come forth, you only hurt yourself. The more you act a certain way, the more it becomes natural to you. It starts with not attending classes or applying for jobs, and could end with you wasting your life.

    That disappointment you're afraid of is a result of you being lazy, despite what you claim. Getting too distracted to follow through is a form of laziness. Try and find a way that'll help you focus. Think about the outcome of not trying hard enough.

    You need to realize that disappointment is not what you need to worry about. Wasting your life is.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      5 years ago

      What is 'wasting your life' again, in a philosophical way ?
      Getting a corporate job and going on a week long trip to Himalayas once a year and then coming back home to tell everyone how profound an experience it was ?
      Or being born in the Himalayas and wishing to sell the apple fields to some IT people so they can provide you with good reception for your cell-phone, but you never needed it in the first place ?
      Or being an Artist and painting the adverse effects of capitalism while taking grants for your works from the same corporates that you have been mocking ?
      Or being a housewife and cooking food for your family day in and day out without anyone ever noticing your efforts you put in keeping the house running ?
      Or being a 'strong independent woman' who would sacrifice anything and everything to reach her goals and prove herself whenever she can ?
      Or working in an NGO for providing education to 'under-previlaged' kids; but then, again, all you are doing is documenting your work over there to promote your NGO and bring in more sponsorers. And most of the funds get used in advertisement of your brand and the children are still running around, half naked and as hungry ?

      What is 'wasting your life' really ?

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      • Tato
        5 years ago

        Wasting your life, in my eyes, is doing something that has no meaning to you.

        If someone gets a sense of fulfilment from working for corporate, from selling cars or from working with special needs children, they're not wasting their lives. They put effort into something they enjoy. And when someone has a job they don't enjoy too much, but is paying for something they love doing; that's not a waste, but rather a means to a goal. Same as a person who travels the world in search of a meaning.

        You feel disappointment; thus you're not content. If you skip tests and tasks, and are not applying for jobs, you basically at a stand still. A state which could have been okay, had you been fine with it, but you're not. You feel bad about it because you know it's bad for you. Doing nothing is basically using up the time you have on this planet in a way that is not productive to you. And that's wasting your life. Ofc it's all in the eyes of the beholder. Person A can be all about education and teaching, for example, while person B might think it's a waste, and vice versa.

        As I mentioned, not doing something that has a meaning to you, or at least trying, is a waste, in my eyes.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          5 years ago

          Thank you.....
          I will try.

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  • Boojum
    5 years ago

    You seem to understand that your attitude is self-sabotaging. You believe that anything other that perfection is failure but you know you'll never achieve that, so you protect your ego by never even trying. I bet you also fantasise that you could have done amazing things if you had tried.

    The truth is that everything everyone has ever done could always have been done better. Artists who fixate on this idea never finish their paintings. Writers spend decades writing and rewriting their novels. Employees get stuck in crap jobs because they never feel they're good enough to go for a better position.

    "The best is the enemy of the good." Most of the time, aiming for "good enough" is sufficient.

    To use the title of a very old book, "Feel the fear and do it anyway." Accept that you're going to fail sometimes, because we all do. If you stick with your current approach to life and never try to do anything, you'll look back on your life in a few years and truly understand what it really feels like to know you're a failure.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      5 years ago

      I have my exam tomorrow.I am going to do well in it.
      I am quite confident about it now. I was having a nervous breakdown this morning because I didn't know what to do anymore.

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    • BlindSpot
      5 years ago

      I second this!

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  • ghostsalad
    5 years ago

    you may have adhd

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      5 years ago

      Do you suggest me anything that I can do about it ?

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  • GelMan0098
    5 years ago

    It sounds like you're on a really self destructive path. You should really try to change your ways or talk to a therapist or something.

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  • BlindSpot
    5 years ago

    While I also have this issue, which leads me to procrastinate occasionally, I never go to the extent where I totally disregard the issue at hand. This is a serious problem you have and it would be wise for you to seek aid from a therapist to help you cope with your fear.

    Nothing great was ever achieved the easy way. You need to loosen up and stop trying to be a perfectionist. No one is. If you fail to try, you try to fail. It's not about getting to the top of the mountain the fastest, it's about the lessons you learn that make you a stronger person on the way. You're missing out on that.

    Failure is good and to be successful you must learn to get used to it and never accept defeat. It's a different thing when life closes it's doors on you - what if you couldn't afford to pay your fees and could not write the test at all?

    But you're closing the door on life - on the opportunity you have that others may not have. Replace fear with gratitude, replace fear with discipline - get a set routine in place - and even on those days when you feel like you don't want to go on, you will still cover ground because of the habits you have cultivated every day.

    I should take my own advice and all the very best!

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  • RoseIsabella
    5 years ago

    That's not good. You sound very depressed, and anxious. Did something traumatic recently happen to you? I can't say that I haven't had the same experience, my dear. Please don't give up on yourself!

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  • brutus
    5 years ago

    Do amphetamines, they increase goal directed behavior.

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