Ex-girlfriend

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3 Comments

Ok So Ive had this problem for years now. I just cant get over my Husbans Exgirlfriend.He tells me he loves me and he was young and stupid etc. But I hadnt been with anyone before him so I just dont feel like we arnt even. I know that sounds silly but its true. He was already in a seriouse relationship before me, he even lost his virginity to her. i just feel like im second best. I also feel its important to date someone in the same "date range" as you. But i just fell so head over heels for him that I ignored what I wanted in my first relationship. like promising myself to be with a virgin etc. I know its my fault for jumping into it, but I didnt think it would hurt this badly.

He also took her to his family reunion, prom, also hers. they hungout with all the same friends as well. his parents mention her sometimes. also his friends dont even acknowledge me. We go to his church and no one even likes me at all. I feel as though Ive taken his social life away.

On our wedding day his dad made a speech on how they werent thrilled about us going out because I guess I didnt meet the requirments his Ex did. Every time I see pictures of them togethor hear stories of them. my heart breaks; and it just seems that each year that passes my feelings get stronger and stronger. Somtimes I just want out it hurts so bad.

Is this normal :(

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 3 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • norm
    12 years ago | pl

    First of all, you have to let his previous relationship go. You just can't change the past.

    You can (and should) change the present and future. Your husband may SAY he loves you, but we both know talk is cheap. It's time for him to ACT like he loves you.

    He needs to make it clear to his family and friends that if they make comments about you or reject you, they are doing the same to him.
    No husband should tolerate those things - from any source.

    The ex is gone. No need to get out pictures or tell stories about her.

    Actions speak louder than words. If he doesn't take some action to address your misery, he doesn't really love you.

    This stuff shouldn't have gone on for years. It needs to end now.

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  • WayOutThere
    14 years ago | pl

    You are battling your own conscience. You are setting unrealistic expectations, and then feeling guilty about not having met them.

    The fact is your husband chose YOU. You've been together for years, and he tells you that he loves you. That's all that should matter.

    It doesn't matter what his parents think. Yes, it was quite rude of his dad to make that disparaging speech at your wedding, but your husband is a separate person from his dad. He has independent thoughts, and he makes his own decisions. If your husband has integrity--as I suspect he does--then it has no impact whatsoever on his commitment to you. Your husband has to respect him for being his dad, but he doesn't have to respect all his opinions.

    It doesn't matter what his friends think. And, it is unrealistic to expect that they will accept you, just because you are his wife. Who knows why they fail to acknowledge you. It could be because of religion, social class, jealousy, or family history, perhaps.

    It's unreasonable to expect that you should be "even" with your husband, have the same "date range," or that he be a virgin. Most women prefer men who are a bit older, with more "experience."

    I would suggest that you make new friends, with or without your husband. Your husband's existing social circle is holding you back, so there is no point in dwelling on it. And, go to a different church. Or better yet: Don't go to church at all!

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    • Shan101
      14 years ago | pl

      Thankyou for you comment it helped alot:) I really appreciate it.

      Shannon.

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