Every night and day I contemplate death

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  • It could be l’appel du vide (call of the void) where you get urges to jump or crash your car etc. I used to do this. For me it was a control thing, a big fuck you to voices. Like you can jump if you want to, but when you don't you feel back in control. If that's what you mean.
    It's not a healthy way to live though.

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