I know how it feels. It went for years thinking I was a male. Then, I realized that I'm androgynous. I know your situation is different, but trust me I know how you feel. It was my biggest "secrete" and everyday I lived in fear and confusion. My family wouldn't let me properly cross dress and that caused me more problems. Then, one day my mother somehow found out about it. Things got so awkward and she got depressed. Then, my grandmother started going on about how she wanted grandkids and forced me to tell her that I was going to have four kids and I had to come up with a type of man I liked. My mother even looked up on the sugary and started asking me "questions" in response to that and it caused me more stress. For most of my life, I had been hearing "voices", that told me I was a guy and I thought they were my own.... A few years ago, they finally stopped saying those things to me and on that subject, they say it very rarely now.
The whole thing was traumatic and I felt so vulnerable. I when for about more years thinking I was a guy. Before all that I wrongly told my grandmother that I "felt like a boy". She told me that life was hard sometimes and that I had to toughen up. Then, for the life of me I told her that as a kid I "kissed" a female friend. She started going on about religion and how it was wrong and then kept asking me if I "liked it". She wouldn't stop so I said "kinda". Then, she traumatized me and said all this bullshit about god!
I've been traumatized. I still fight with my family on what I can and can't wear. If I had it my way, I would mainly only wear guy clothes, but with the occasional exceptions. I know it's hard. If you think they won't support you, don't tell them. But if you told them, at least you could get it of off your chest. Can you tell a close friend? Someone who you know will give you the support you need. Don't let others stop you from being you.
Thanks for the reply. I sympathize with your situation even though it does differ from my own. The world is a scary and malicious place. People who have little confidence about themselves look for other "easy targets" to make themselves feel better. I hope one day i will be able to follow through with my dreams. I know who and what i am in my heart and i do long to let that out. I am starting to go through some serious depression on the subject just because i feel like i am cheating myself. To not follow my heart because of society, is truly cheating myself. Thanks so much for the response :) everything everyone is saying is helping me and thats amazing.
Ever since i was a little boy i knew i was born the wrong gender
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I know how it feels. It went for years thinking I was a male. Then, I realized that I'm androgynous. I know your situation is different, but trust me I know how you feel. It was my biggest "secrete" and everyday I lived in fear and confusion. My family wouldn't let me properly cross dress and that caused me more problems. Then, one day my mother somehow found out about it. Things got so awkward and she got depressed. Then, my grandmother started going on about how she wanted grandkids and forced me to tell her that I was going to have four kids and I had to come up with a type of man I liked. My mother even looked up on the sugary and started asking me "questions" in response to that and it caused me more stress. For most of my life, I had been hearing "voices", that told me I was a guy and I thought they were my own.... A few years ago, they finally stopped saying those things to me and on that subject, they say it very rarely now.
The whole thing was traumatic and I felt so vulnerable. I when for about more years thinking I was a guy. Before all that I wrongly told my grandmother that I "felt like a boy". She told me that life was hard sometimes and that I had to toughen up. Then, for the life of me I told her that as a kid I "kissed" a female friend. She started going on about religion and how it was wrong and then kept asking me if I "liked it". She wouldn't stop so I said "kinda". Then, she traumatized me and said all this bullshit about god!
I've been traumatized. I still fight with my family on what I can and can't wear. If I had it my way, I would mainly only wear guy clothes, but with the occasional exceptions. I know it's hard. If you think they won't support you, don't tell them. But if you told them, at least you could get it of off your chest. Can you tell a close friend? Someone who you know will give you the support you need. Don't let others stop you from being you.
Good luck and keep me updated:)
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xdressernikki
11 years ago
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Thanks for the reply. I sympathize with your situation even though it does differ from my own. The world is a scary and malicious place. People who have little confidence about themselves look for other "easy targets" to make themselves feel better. I hope one day i will be able to follow through with my dreams. I know who and what i am in my heart and i do long to let that out. I am starting to go through some serious depression on the subject just because i feel like i am cheating myself. To not follow my heart because of society, is truly cheating myself. Thanks so much for the response :) everything everyone is saying is helping me and thats amazing.