Since for as long as I can remember, I have always been fond of my pillow. I would take it everywhere with me, I would cuddle it and smell it. And don't even think of washing it, because if my scent is washed away I would be so mad that I had to build it up again. My family always referred to it as "sucking" my pillow, although I didn't literally suck the pillow, I just held it up to my nose, sniffed it, and moved my tongue up and down the roof of my mouth making sort of a soft clicking sound. One time I can remember feeling betrayed by my grandma because I discovered that she had threw my pillow out in the garbage and tried to replace it with a new pillow, so I dug my pillow out of the garbage and ever since that day as a kid I keep my pillow hidden away from the world, I am now 32 years old and still sniff my torn up raggedy pillow, while playing with the fabric with my fingers, only now I have started to rub my pillow on parts of my body so I can smell my own body scents (not the armpits). I find that doing these (in my mind) "odd behaviors" brings me comfort and calms me down when I'm stressed or feeling bad. Although it brings me comfort in doing this ritual, and knowing that there are others out there like me. I am very very ashamed and embarrassed of it and I hide it from everyone. Will I ever stop doing this? Is this part of the reason why I have never been in a relationship and why I don't have a significant other? Who knows, but I am definitely "different" from everyone else.
P.s. I am the middle child, who knows how big of a role that plays in this.
enjoying the drool on my pillow
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Since for as long as I can remember, I have always been fond of my pillow. I would take it everywhere with me, I would cuddle it and smell it. And don't even think of washing it, because if my scent is washed away I would be so mad that I had to build it up again. My family always referred to it as "sucking" my pillow, although I didn't literally suck the pillow, I just held it up to my nose, sniffed it, and moved my tongue up and down the roof of my mouth making sort of a soft clicking sound. One time I can remember feeling betrayed by my grandma because I discovered that she had threw my pillow out in the garbage and tried to replace it with a new pillow, so I dug my pillow out of the garbage and ever since that day as a kid I keep my pillow hidden away from the world, I am now 32 years old and still sniff my torn up raggedy pillow, while playing with the fabric with my fingers, only now I have started to rub my pillow on parts of my body so I can smell my own body scents (not the armpits). I find that doing these (in my mind) "odd behaviors" brings me comfort and calms me down when I'm stressed or feeling bad. Although it brings me comfort in doing this ritual, and knowing that there are others out there like me. I am very very ashamed and embarrassed of it and I hide it from everyone. Will I ever stop doing this? Is this part of the reason why I have never been in a relationship and why I don't have a significant other? Who knows, but I am definitely "different" from everyone else.
P.s. I am the middle child, who knows how big of a role that plays in this.
Thanks for reading!!!