I've been there and I totally relate. When I look back on that part of my life, I see myself in darkness, not seeing what was obvious. You're talking about two very different paths, one of accomplishing good things, the other of apathy and self destruction. The only reason you see these as comparable choices is that you're in the dark, and in the grip of habits you can't control.
I was enticed by a nihilistic life of drugs and hedonism. I listened to music by drug addicted social outcasts and sought out escapes. I relate to romanticizing that lifestyle. But ... I've been down that path and it don't lead anywhere you want to be. In time, I lost control and fell into major addiction problems. This kind of thing is glamorized and romanticized in the popular culture, but believe me, it's not about being cool. It's about being weak and misguided and beaten. It's crushing, horrible, ugly stuff. It's a nightmare that you can't wake up from, except by years of struggle. You don't want it.
It ended up slowly destroying everything really valuable in my life until I reached the point where I couldn't go on in denial. I then had to gear my whole life just toward getting back to normalcy. The only thing that was cool in all of this were the people who'd gone straight and that helped me get out. I hope I never make those wrong choices again and I pray that you don't either.
Doing drugs and want another way of life
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I've been there and I totally relate. When I look back on that part of my life, I see myself in darkness, not seeing what was obvious. You're talking about two very different paths, one of accomplishing good things, the other of apathy and self destruction. The only reason you see these as comparable choices is that you're in the dark, and in the grip of habits you can't control.
I was enticed by a nihilistic life of drugs and hedonism. I listened to music by drug addicted social outcasts and sought out escapes. I relate to romanticizing that lifestyle. But ... I've been down that path and it don't lead anywhere you want to be. In time, I lost control and fell into major addiction problems. This kind of thing is glamorized and romanticized in the popular culture, but believe me, it's not about being cool. It's about being weak and misguided and beaten. It's crushing, horrible, ugly stuff. It's a nightmare that you can't wake up from, except by years of struggle. You don't want it.
It ended up slowly destroying everything really valuable in my life until I reached the point where I couldn't go on in denial. I then had to gear my whole life just toward getting back to normalcy. The only thing that was cool in all of this were the people who'd gone straight and that helped me get out. I hope I never make those wrong choices again and I pray that you don't either.