Does “nice guy syndrome” come from being physically ugly?

This does NOT refer to truly nice people who serve and do good because it’s in their character. It’s about the fake nice guys who always compromise and do what the woman wants at the drop of a hat just to have a chance at dating her.

It’s scummy period. But why do some men do that? They’re ugly, fat, dress poorly, etc. The issue is when they talk to a girl they like, it becomes clear that she isn’t showing interest in him back after the first talk or first week of meeting each other. She’s out of league and is probably skinny and good looking but he’s not.

The problem with “Nice Guys” is not just looks, but their bad character that makes them feel they have to manipulate someone. True nice guys would call it off and accept her as a friend.

But the fakes compensate by buying flowers and taking girls to nice dinners and even helping her move out of her old place because of their warped thinking that they can buy her affection through favors.

I had this problem myself a few times and it probably comes from Quasimodo fantasies of just treating her like a queen and yada yada: nonsense. When I started losing weight, things became more natural and I didn’t feel a lot of pressure to do things to get a girl to like me back. Just be polite and take interest into what she does. She’s just in to you or not. Simple

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 31 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • it comes from being a loser in general with no personality or accomplishments, but if you're ugly that's just an extra strike against you since 'pretty privilege' is a thing for men as well as women. the attractive ones' problem is the opposite, not finding love over sex, but that's less commonly preferred by men.

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  • Number one rule dont come off as desperate. Dont go overboard texting and bringing flowers is also kind of gay unless its her birthday or something.

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    • And fruitless since a bunch of flowers are worth less than giving one flower daily.

      Women point systems are weird.

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  • Absolutely not. Plenty of conventially attractive men are asshole incels and "nice guys". Saw an article 2-3 years ago interviewing a few self-proclaimed incels and they looked like average men, fit and stylish. I've dated a self-proclaimed nice guy (briefly) and he was normal looking, stylish and had a good job. His issue was he was the most insecure person i've ever had the displeasure of dealing with and he needed constant reassuring and was extremely clingy to the point of taking offense to it if you were busy. He literally got disappointed in me once for not having time to hang out because I was studying for a test... He'd buy me flowers too but only as a way to get me to do what he wanted. On top of that he loved to whine about how all women hate "nice guys" like himself and how he doesnt understand why no one wants to be with him. I actually did try to help him understand why but he'd reach some kind of self awareness for five minutes, then be back in his old ways.

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    • Your story is a bit different than the examples I provided. How was he able to attract you and date for a while? I would guess it took some time to discover his character problems.

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      • We met on a dating app where he seemed rather normal. Then honestly I kind of just felt sorry for him so I hung out with him for a while (never got sexual) and he was so persistent that it was hard to just walk away, as if I did he'd get extremely emotional. Even after he let me go he kept texting me for a while looking for answers why it didnt work.

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    • People have this very ignorant belief that all incels are unattractive people that have nothing going for themselves.

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      • Not really all. More like 80-90%. Plenty of them are arrogant in addition to being woeful of their situation. They want to date someone who is a 9 but they’re a 5 at best.

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  • funny how women complain there are no nice guys left even though they probably know one and choose not to date him because he isnt perfect looking and instead choose to date an asshole because he is hot chivalry is dead and women killed it

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  • Pathetic desperation is never attractive.

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  • No, and it doesn't come from a lot of things people think either.
    Usually the guy you describe has a similar mentality to the manipulative asshole variant but with worse social skills.
    Woman actually do like nice guys however and will still even go for guys who are ugly or have bad social skills, and as an autistic person I have no problems attracting woman and do not have to manipulate anything.
    I think with some people they try to manipulate but aren't good at it and people see through them easily so they don't attract anyone. An incel is just a socially inept "alpha male". They are the same mentality.

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    • I’m on the autism spectrum as well and it’s very difficult to attract women with the condition because reading body language is very hard. If I’m on a date I need to ask the girl “can I kiss you” because I won’t risk going for it as I don’t read faces.

      But as a good looking person it helps a lot. You don’t have to make the first move. Usually a girl checks you out first and you respond politely. If you’re not attractive, you’d have to do all the flirting work and being autistic makes it difficult to be 1. subtle 2. fun and 3. not creepy while flirting. I haven’t been able to learn this so I fell into a the trap of just being “her friend” even though I liked her but didn’t know how to escalate. I was accepting if she didn’t like me.

      Are you diagnosed on the spectrum?

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      • I am diagnosed with aspergers and I am not good at body language at all.
        Most advice on dating you will find is bullshit.
        While there are some men who attract lots of women, humans aren't supposed to have lots of partners anyway.
        Autism however should not hinder you from finding a suitable partner for you though.
        I seem to be fine with attracting a suitable partner, even though I may not attract the majority of women. I don't need to do that.
        Men are supposed to be seeking a wife. Not out trying to fuck 100 different women. If that's your goal, then you're unlikely to find a suitable wife.
        It's fine to ask a woman if you can kiss her. That is appropriate and most women will appreciate asking. If she is weirded out by you, she simply isn't who you will be compatible with.
        I also advise not having douchebag friends or poor lifestyle choices before dating. I made that mistake and it ruined relationships. Make sure your life is together before dating. The absolute worst thing you can do is have bad friends and they will definitely ruin it.
        It's good to be picky as well. Dating should be about finding who you want to spend your life with. Any other advice you find is garbage and isn't going to work out anyway and people who try to date lots of people usually grow old to be alone. Having autism should actually make ruling out unsuitable partners easier.

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        • I’m curious how old are you? I find that women in their 20s often don’t know what they want and that’s what makes it difficult.

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          • I'm 37. I didn't become more popular with women until my mid 20s. It gets easier for us as we get older I think. I think it may be that people with asd are less socially exciting but usually will make a good life partner. I'd probably have gotten married by now but I made the mistake of poor choice in friends and lifestyle. That will screw everything up. I'd recommend having a stable income and live by yourself before even dating.

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  • #Lloysasherisapieceofshit

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  • I think it's safe to say that most guys have "nice guy syndrome".

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  • You must be really miserable to put people down for their appearance. You're ugly on the inside.

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    • That includes myself. I’m working out and losing weight and I encourage other guys to do the same.

      I don’t put down other people for not being aggressive or “beta” (which doesn’t exist), that’s worse because if you’re a shy introvert, you can’t change that.

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      • So you're insecure? That explains a lot.

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        • Introverted doesn’t mean being insecure, it just means you aren’t gifted in terms of socializing. The key is to work out and improve your looks so that people approach you and then you don’t fail.

          What’s wrong with being shy? Moses and other great figures in the Bible were soft spoken.

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          • You believe you're ugly which is why you're putting down other people for their appearance.

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            • *Used to*. Now I’m encouraging people to work on their physical appearance since it helps avoid the friendzone.

              If I didn’t make that encouragement clear enough, then I made a mistake. It’s easier to work out and lose weight than become more “Alpha” and change your personality.

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