In most places just making up a name would not be legal. I am a man married to a man, he took my last name because we did both want to be unified under a single family name, and we collectively decided he would take mine. I also have a cousin who is a man married to a woman. He took her last name because they wanted a unified name, but he hated the name he got from his father that abandoned him as a small child and he was happy to change it.
I performed marriage ceremonies for a living for about 4 years and I did about 1500 services in that time. Part of my job was to record the new last names on the marriage license. I can tell you that a large number of couples did not change their names at all. I also had couples where the female hyphenated, where both the man and woman hyphenated, I had couples where the man took the womans name. I even had one couple where he took her name and she took his, so they still have different last names, but they both had new ones. Some couples would actually be sitting at the signing table discussing it as if they had never thought about it before, or ask me what I thought they should do.
The point is that it is not always exclusively decided or expected that the woman take the mans name. People make their own decisions for their own new families. If you would never marry a man that required you to take is name, that is your personal choice. Some men would never marry a woman that would not take his last name, and that is an equally valid personal choice.
My personal feeling is that it is just easier to for a married couple to have the same last name because the legal family relationship is automatically recognized. If you have to, for example, go see your spouse or your child that has been hospitalized, when you have the same last name questions are never asked, the fact that yout family is assumed. But that is my opinion and reasoning. Like I said, different people have different opinions on the matter and I don't think one opinion is any more or less valid than another.
The US, as in the federal government, has no laws about this at all. The laws are set by the states. All 50 states have their own laws about how and when you can change your name through marriage. Just like all 50 states have their own laws on who can get a marriage license, what age you can marry, how closely related you can be, what you must do, show, or pay to get it, and many other things. So it really makes no sense to say "you can do it in the US". Because in some states it would be true and others it wouldn't.
I can tell you in the State of Hawaii where I did most of my services, it is not legal. There are specific guidelines you must follow when choosing the name. This is true for many other states, but the specific guidelines will differ. Also, as you say some states have no guidelines and you can do what you want. But there is no universal standard for the entire US.
If it interests you, in Hawaii you can change both your middle and last name. Your middle name can be changed to any combination of middle and last names that the bride and/or groom have ever legally had in their lives, and same for the last name. Using this rule, a lot of couples who wanted to share a last name, but the person taking a name didn't want to lose their name or hyphenate would change their middle name to their current last name.
Do you think women should have to take their husband's last name?
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In most places just making up a name would not be legal. I am a man married to a man, he took my last name because we did both want to be unified under a single family name, and we collectively decided he would take mine. I also have a cousin who is a man married to a woman. He took her last name because they wanted a unified name, but he hated the name he got from his father that abandoned him as a small child and he was happy to change it.
I performed marriage ceremonies for a living for about 4 years and I did about 1500 services in that time. Part of my job was to record the new last names on the marriage license. I can tell you that a large number of couples did not change their names at all. I also had couples where the female hyphenated, where both the man and woman hyphenated, I had couples where the man took the womans name. I even had one couple where he took her name and she took his, so they still have different last names, but they both had new ones. Some couples would actually be sitting at the signing table discussing it as if they had never thought about it before, or ask me what I thought they should do.
The point is that it is not always exclusively decided or expected that the woman take the mans name. People make their own decisions for their own new families. If you would never marry a man that required you to take is name, that is your personal choice. Some men would never marry a woman that would not take his last name, and that is an equally valid personal choice.
My personal feeling is that it is just easier to for a married couple to have the same last name because the legal family relationship is automatically recognized. If you have to, for example, go see your spouse or your child that has been hospitalized, when you have the same last name questions are never asked, the fact that yout family is assumed. But that is my opinion and reasoning. Like I said, different people have different opinions on the matter and I don't think one opinion is any more or less valid than another.
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noid
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Anonymous Post Author
8 years ago
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Interesting, thanks for sharing.
Where is it not legal to change your name to what you want? It's legal in the US.
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Legion
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VinnyB
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wigz
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Well, you can tell people your last name is whatever, but when the papers come, whatever won't be on them.
The US, as in the federal government, has no laws about this at all. The laws are set by the states. All 50 states have their own laws about how and when you can change your name through marriage. Just like all 50 states have their own laws on who can get a marriage license, what age you can marry, how closely related you can be, what you must do, show, or pay to get it, and many other things. So it really makes no sense to say "you can do it in the US". Because in some states it would be true and others it wouldn't.
I can tell you in the State of Hawaii where I did most of my services, it is not legal. There are specific guidelines you must follow when choosing the name. This is true for many other states, but the specific guidelines will differ. Also, as you say some states have no guidelines and you can do what you want. But there is no universal standard for the entire US.
If it interests you, in Hawaii you can change both your middle and last name. Your middle name can be changed to any combination of middle and last names that the bride and/or groom have ever legally had in their lives, and same for the last name. Using this rule, a lot of couples who wanted to share a last name, but the person taking a name didn't want to lose their name or hyphenate would change their middle name to their current last name.
What he probably means is it wouldn't be covered under the marriage license.
You'd (both) have to pay a fee and petition the court in order to change your names to anything outside of what is permissible through marriage.