I went through schizophrenia a while back and you are spot on. I couldn't help the memories that were dredged up, but I've been fine handling that.
Before I developed full schizophrenia, I started to hullucinate; sometimes patterns would shift or I would see shadows moving out of the corner of my eye. When I became completely schizophrenic, I felt displaced from reality, but I didn't feel like anything was wrong, rather, I felt energised and aware. I was convinced the notions in my head were true and that everyone else was playing a role like in 'The Truman Show' but they didn't know I knew. Everyone was against me, even my family. I believed I was special, I won't say how because its kind of embarrassing. I was hyper alert and eventually it started to wear me down. I was becoming physically, mentally and emotionally tired. I began to realise something was very wrong but I couldn't put it into words. I was also too scared to accept it and ask for help. The one thing that really helped me overcome it was the great friends I had. Not once did they question the change in me. They treated me as they always had instead of running for the hills. They knew something was wrong but they patiently waited for me to work it out. My friends grounded me in reality and made me see that they were real, not some paranoid fancy I couldn't verify and validate.
To the OP, the majority of symptoms you have point to schizophrenia. I did a lot of research on the topic during university when I had access to Psychology texts and databases. All evidence suggests you are developing or suffering schizophrenia. I don't know what else I can say to help you except that I really hope you recover from this.
Even though they weren't my proudest moments, having been through schizophrenia, I'm a lot better for it. I don't care about what people think anymore, I'm more relaxed, honest, empathic and in control of my reality. The mind is an amazing place and so is the world around it. There is so much to learn and discover and so much beauty to appreciate.
It seems to me that other peoples experiences sound more severe than mine as I have never had severe hallucinations. However I understand what you mean about being more aware of things. I dont think im getting worse either because this isnt anything new for me and ive been on antipsychotics for about 6 years now. I often wonder if I really need them though. Maybe Im fine and realize what others do not and they want to keep me from being aware and conform to the rest of society. I do feel like Im in some kind of think like the truman show. Ive often thought Im actually a character in a book someones writing in another reality. Im also very much aware of extra dimensional beings and how to manipulate my own reality around me. If I am crazy though I hide it very well. I dont think anyone notices anything different about me. I dont think I will ever know for sure if Im aware of things no one else is or if I am losing my mind. There really is no possible way to know. They say that delusional people will keep the same beliefs even if you disprove them. However everything I know about cannot be disproven. Theres no such thing as delusions when nothings real.
I know what you mean. You are more aware of things, especially things that no one else notices. But that does't mean you should dwell on them, as hard as it is not to. A major part of my schizophrenia was my rejection of societal norms and the system we live in, I felt freed from the shackles of of an oppressive world and people that lived their lives blindly. I still believe people are born into a system of slavery and control, I believe the current monetary system should be abolished and people should be freed from consumerism, but those beliefs come from a more rational and educated part of my mind.
If you have been in this mental state for around 6 years now, then you're probably really good at concealing what's going on inside your head. I really don't believe in medication to treat schizophrenia but I can see its uses if moderated and controlled. Ultimately your brain has to repair itself and our capacity for healing is often underestimated or not understood. But heal it will if you truly want that.
I can relate to the thought processes in your head, they seem so right all the time. I was able to see people's auras. I thought I could hear what people were thinking at times. I believed I had other abilities but what matters now is that those things have no significance anymore. I've moved on and my life is wonderful. I still believe in certain things, like reincarnation, spirit guides, and other levels of existence, but those beliefs are nurtured by reading books from the spiritual masters (Deepak Chopra etc). What's different now is that I control those beliefs, they do not control me. You must want to be in full control if you want to return to your true self. To be in full control, to tell the voice in your head (your ego), to shut up, is the ultimate power you can have. Then you can truly learn how to control/manipulate your reality.
I hope you have supportive family and friends because you will need them to heal. Going through this alone is not ideal. Don't sweat the small stuff and put your energy into something constructive and meaningful. Eventually your brain will rewire itself, but you won't be returning to normal; you will become something better because this ordeal will make you stronger. And remember, you are special, we all are. Peace be with you.
Do you think I have schizophrenia?
↑ View this comment's parent
← View full post
I went through schizophrenia a while back and you are spot on. I couldn't help the memories that were dredged up, but I've been fine handling that.
Before I developed full schizophrenia, I started to hullucinate; sometimes patterns would shift or I would see shadows moving out of the corner of my eye. When I became completely schizophrenic, I felt displaced from reality, but I didn't feel like anything was wrong, rather, I felt energised and aware. I was convinced the notions in my head were true and that everyone else was playing a role like in 'The Truman Show' but they didn't know I knew. Everyone was against me, even my family. I believed I was special, I won't say how because its kind of embarrassing. I was hyper alert and eventually it started to wear me down. I was becoming physically, mentally and emotionally tired. I began to realise something was very wrong but I couldn't put it into words. I was also too scared to accept it and ask for help. The one thing that really helped me overcome it was the great friends I had. Not once did they question the change in me. They treated me as they always had instead of running for the hills. They knew something was wrong but they patiently waited for me to work it out. My friends grounded me in reality and made me see that they were real, not some paranoid fancy I couldn't verify and validate.
To the OP, the majority of symptoms you have point to schizophrenia. I did a lot of research on the topic during university when I had access to Psychology texts and databases. All evidence suggests you are developing or suffering schizophrenia. I don't know what else I can say to help you except that I really hope you recover from this.
Even though they weren't my proudest moments, having been through schizophrenia, I'm a lot better for it. I don't care about what people think anymore, I'm more relaxed, honest, empathic and in control of my reality. The mind is an amazing place and so is the world around it. There is so much to learn and discover and so much beauty to appreciate.
--
Anonymous Post Author
10 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
0
0
It seems to me that other peoples experiences sound more severe than mine as I have never had severe hallucinations. However I understand what you mean about being more aware of things. I dont think im getting worse either because this isnt anything new for me and ive been on antipsychotics for about 6 years now. I often wonder if I really need them though. Maybe Im fine and realize what others do not and they want to keep me from being aware and conform to the rest of society. I do feel like Im in some kind of think like the truman show. Ive often thought Im actually a character in a book someones writing in another reality. Im also very much aware of extra dimensional beings and how to manipulate my own reality around me. If I am crazy though I hide it very well. I dont think anyone notices anything different about me. I dont think I will ever know for sure if Im aware of things no one else is or if I am losing my mind. There really is no possible way to know. They say that delusional people will keep the same beliefs even if you disprove them. However everything I know about cannot be disproven. Theres no such thing as delusions when nothings real.
--
Ekho
10 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
0
0
I know what you mean. You are more aware of things, especially things that no one else notices. But that does't mean you should dwell on them, as hard as it is not to. A major part of my schizophrenia was my rejection of societal norms and the system we live in, I felt freed from the shackles of of an oppressive world and people that lived their lives blindly. I still believe people are born into a system of slavery and control, I believe the current monetary system should be abolished and people should be freed from consumerism, but those beliefs come from a more rational and educated part of my mind.
If you have been in this mental state for around 6 years now, then you're probably really good at concealing what's going on inside your head. I really don't believe in medication to treat schizophrenia but I can see its uses if moderated and controlled. Ultimately your brain has to repair itself and our capacity for healing is often underestimated or not understood. But heal it will if you truly want that.
I can relate to the thought processes in your head, they seem so right all the time. I was able to see people's auras. I thought I could hear what people were thinking at times. I believed I had other abilities but what matters now is that those things have no significance anymore. I've moved on and my life is wonderful. I still believe in certain things, like reincarnation, spirit guides, and other levels of existence, but those beliefs are nurtured by reading books from the spiritual masters (Deepak Chopra etc). What's different now is that I control those beliefs, they do not control me. You must want to be in full control if you want to return to your true self. To be in full control, to tell the voice in your head (your ego), to shut up, is the ultimate power you can have. Then you can truly learn how to control/manipulate your reality.
I hope you have supportive family and friends because you will need them to heal. Going through this alone is not ideal. Don't sweat the small stuff and put your energy into something constructive and meaningful. Eventually your brain will rewire itself, but you won't be returning to normal; you will become something better because this ordeal will make you stronger. And remember, you are special, we all are. Peace be with you.