I don't think you ARE schizophrenic, I think you are on your way there though.
My husband is a schizo now, and for a couple years before he went full blown crazy, he had a lot of similar thoughts and behaviors, though not exactly the same.
Your concerns about medication are legitimate. They can be very bad for you. There are some people however that it seems to do wonders for and aren't bothered by the side affects.
Taking them for a couple months to see if they help you won't kill you(unless they make you very suicidal and you end up killing yourself, so remember that this might happen and don't kill yourself!)
My husband tried meds but they not only didn't help him, they DID give him terrible new problems. He's been off them for almost a year now and original problem aside, he's doing much better. Lost weight, other issues under control, etc.
Another thing is if you catch the illness very early on, by getting on meds right away, some people are able to get off of them after a while and they are fine. As in, the meds early in the onset can nip the illness in the bud.
But most schizos don't get help early on, they don't think anything is wrong with them, everyone else is crazy, and so it can be years for them to get help.
I think therapy can be good. Another thing to know is that over the years of being schizo, if you have someone you trust and loves and respects you back to be close to, that is a big help. They can help you distiguish what is real/not real, what is reasonable to worry about and not, etc.
If you are or become schizo, it will never fully go away, but it can get better with or without meds if you are up to it. The hallucinations and delusional thoughts/feelings are the result of misfires in your brain, a message was on its way somewhere but got off course and got thrown in the wrong place and has been interpreted as an entirely different thing. Just the confusion from this happening is horrible enough, but often times the content of the mistaken information can be disturbing or harmful, which leads to reasonable reactions.
It's not that all schizos are dangerous or are bad people, they are normal people who often have a bunch of assholes in their heads that just won't shut up. How would you feel?
But yeah, mishearing or having slight alterations in auditory perception and small hallucinations out of the corner of your eyes or things like shadows changing, moving objects changing while in motion, these are the types of hallucinations that are common before a schizo has their first real break from reality.
Also schizos tend to believe in some bizzare things, like the aliens you mentioned. Not that aliens aren't out there, or even here maybe, but it is unlikely that they have contacted you specifically for some grand purpose that is for you alone.
I'm still not even sure I believe in aliens, and you can't prove a negative. That's another problem with schizophrenia and the delusions. Schizos often believe some totally outrageous things that it would only take a small amount of reason to debunk, but if your brain is constantly misfiring, and it's not random where it misfires to, you have chemical pathways in your brain, the deeper pathways(most used) are the ones the misfires get stuck on the most. Occaisonally its something random, but the misfires are often so attention catching or disturbing that the schizo will dwell on it, only "deepening" the pathway. It's like you got a bunch of trenches and canals in your brain, and your brain is the land the ditches are in, and several ditches are carrying water but then one breaks and leaks and the water is going to choose to go into the nearest or biggest ditch to stay.
But by recognizing that the "delusions" which you think are real are not helping you and have not "come true" (like fearing the governments out to get you and realizing after a while that they haven't even thought they kept saying they would etc etc
You will start to let that go.
YOu can't prove that something isn't true, but you can prove that something IS true. That's where the real problem convincing a schizo comes in. Anything is possible. There could be magical fairies somewhere in a forest that make it rain. We can't disprove that. But we can prove that When exposed to heat, water evaporates and goes into the air and when it cools down the water liquifies again and becomes to heavy to stay in the air and so falls back to the earth.
What what made it heat up? The sun of course. What makes the sun so hot? All the nuclear fusion that's going on in it.
Who made the atoms that are being fused together?
I don't know, maybe it WAS the fairies after all.
But who really gives a damn what the fairies are doing? Until we can PROVE that the fairies exist, it's pointless to worry about it!
Let's just try not to destroy the forest they're alledgedly living in or else they might get pissed.
I went through schizophrenia a while back and you are spot on. I couldn't help the memories that were dredged up, but I've been fine handling that.
Before I developed full schizophrenia, I started to hullucinate; sometimes patterns would shift or I would see shadows moving out of the corner of my eye. When I became completely schizophrenic, I felt displaced from reality, but I didn't feel like anything was wrong, rather, I felt energised and aware. I was convinced the notions in my head were true and that everyone else was playing a role like in 'The Truman Show' but they didn't know I knew. Everyone was against me, even my family. I believed I was special, I won't say how because its kind of embarrassing. I was hyper alert and eventually it started to wear me down. I was becoming physically, mentally and emotionally tired. I began to realise something was very wrong but I couldn't put it into words. I was also too scared to accept it and ask for help. The one thing that really helped me overcome it was the great friends I had. Not once did they question the change in me. They treated me as they always had instead of running for the hills. They knew something was wrong but they patiently waited for me to work it out. My friends grounded me in reality and made me see that they were real, not some paranoid fancy I couldn't verify and validate.
To the OP, the majority of symptoms you have point to schizophrenia. I did a lot of research on the topic during university when I had access to Psychology texts and databases. All evidence suggests you are developing or suffering schizophrenia. I don't know what else I can say to help you except that I really hope you recover from this.
Even though they weren't my proudest moments, having been through schizophrenia, I'm a lot better for it. I don't care about what people think anymore, I'm more relaxed, honest, empathic and in control of my reality. The mind is an amazing place and so is the world around it. There is so much to learn and discover and so much beauty to appreciate.
It seems to me that other peoples experiences sound more severe than mine as I have never had severe hallucinations. However I understand what you mean about being more aware of things. I dont think im getting worse either because this isnt anything new for me and ive been on antipsychotics for about 6 years now. I often wonder if I really need them though. Maybe Im fine and realize what others do not and they want to keep me from being aware and conform to the rest of society. I do feel like Im in some kind of think like the truman show. Ive often thought Im actually a character in a book someones writing in another reality. Im also very much aware of extra dimensional beings and how to manipulate my own reality around me. If I am crazy though I hide it very well. I dont think anyone notices anything different about me. I dont think I will ever know for sure if Im aware of things no one else is or if I am losing my mind. There really is no possible way to know. They say that delusional people will keep the same beliefs even if you disprove them. However everything I know about cannot be disproven. Theres no such thing as delusions when nothings real.
I know what you mean. You are more aware of things, especially things that no one else notices. But that does't mean you should dwell on them, as hard as it is not to. A major part of my schizophrenia was my rejection of societal norms and the system we live in, I felt freed from the shackles of of an oppressive world and people that lived their lives blindly. I still believe people are born into a system of slavery and control, I believe the current monetary system should be abolished and people should be freed from consumerism, but those beliefs come from a more rational and educated part of my mind.
If you have been in this mental state for around 6 years now, then you're probably really good at concealing what's going on inside your head. I really don't believe in medication to treat schizophrenia but I can see its uses if moderated and controlled. Ultimately your brain has to repair itself and our capacity for healing is often underestimated or not understood. But heal it will if you truly want that.
I can relate to the thought processes in your head, they seem so right all the time. I was able to see people's auras. I thought I could hear what people were thinking at times. I believed I had other abilities but what matters now is that those things have no significance anymore. I've moved on and my life is wonderful. I still believe in certain things, like reincarnation, spirit guides, and other levels of existence, but those beliefs are nurtured by reading books from the spiritual masters (Deepak Chopra etc). What's different now is that I control those beliefs, they do not control me. You must want to be in full control if you want to return to your true self. To be in full control, to tell the voice in your head (your ego), to shut up, is the ultimate power you can have. Then you can truly learn how to control/manipulate your reality.
I hope you have supportive family and friends because you will need them to heal. Going through this alone is not ideal. Don't sweat the small stuff and put your energy into something constructive and meaningful. Eventually your brain will rewire itself, but you won't be returning to normal; you will become something better because this ordeal will make you stronger. And remember, you are special, we all are. Peace be with you.
Do you think I have schizophrenia?
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I don't think you ARE schizophrenic, I think you are on your way there though.
My husband is a schizo now, and for a couple years before he went full blown crazy, he had a lot of similar thoughts and behaviors, though not exactly the same.
Your concerns about medication are legitimate. They can be very bad for you. There are some people however that it seems to do wonders for and aren't bothered by the side affects.
Taking them for a couple months to see if they help you won't kill you(unless they make you very suicidal and you end up killing yourself, so remember that this might happen and don't kill yourself!)
My husband tried meds but they not only didn't help him, they DID give him terrible new problems. He's been off them for almost a year now and original problem aside, he's doing much better. Lost weight, other issues under control, etc.
Another thing is if you catch the illness very early on, by getting on meds right away, some people are able to get off of them after a while and they are fine. As in, the meds early in the onset can nip the illness in the bud.
But most schizos don't get help early on, they don't think anything is wrong with them, everyone else is crazy, and so it can be years for them to get help.
I think therapy can be good. Another thing to know is that over the years of being schizo, if you have someone you trust and loves and respects you back to be close to, that is a big help. They can help you distiguish what is real/not real, what is reasonable to worry about and not, etc.
If you are or become schizo, it will never fully go away, but it can get better with or without meds if you are up to it. The hallucinations and delusional thoughts/feelings are the result of misfires in your brain, a message was on its way somewhere but got off course and got thrown in the wrong place and has been interpreted as an entirely different thing. Just the confusion from this happening is horrible enough, but often times the content of the mistaken information can be disturbing or harmful, which leads to reasonable reactions.
It's not that all schizos are dangerous or are bad people, they are normal people who often have a bunch of assholes in their heads that just won't shut up. How would you feel?
But yeah, mishearing or having slight alterations in auditory perception and small hallucinations out of the corner of your eyes or things like shadows changing, moving objects changing while in motion, these are the types of hallucinations that are common before a schizo has their first real break from reality.
Also schizos tend to believe in some bizzare things, like the aliens you mentioned. Not that aliens aren't out there, or even here maybe, but it is unlikely that they have contacted you specifically for some grand purpose that is for you alone.
I'm still not even sure I believe in aliens, and you can't prove a negative. That's another problem with schizophrenia and the delusions. Schizos often believe some totally outrageous things that it would only take a small amount of reason to debunk, but if your brain is constantly misfiring, and it's not random where it misfires to, you have chemical pathways in your brain, the deeper pathways(most used) are the ones the misfires get stuck on the most. Occaisonally its something random, but the misfires are often so attention catching or disturbing that the schizo will dwell on it, only "deepening" the pathway. It's like you got a bunch of trenches and canals in your brain, and your brain is the land the ditches are in, and several ditches are carrying water but then one breaks and leaks and the water is going to choose to go into the nearest or biggest ditch to stay.
But by recognizing that the "delusions" which you think are real are not helping you and have not "come true" (like fearing the governments out to get you and realizing after a while that they haven't even thought they kept saying they would etc etc
You will start to let that go.
YOu can't prove that something isn't true, but you can prove that something IS true. That's where the real problem convincing a schizo comes in. Anything is possible. There could be magical fairies somewhere in a forest that make it rain. We can't disprove that. But we can prove that When exposed to heat, water evaporates and goes into the air and when it cools down the water liquifies again and becomes to heavy to stay in the air and so falls back to the earth.
What what made it heat up? The sun of course. What makes the sun so hot? All the nuclear fusion that's going on in it.
Who made the atoms that are being fused together?
I don't know, maybe it WAS the fairies after all.
But who really gives a damn what the fairies are doing? Until we can PROVE that the fairies exist, it's pointless to worry about it!
Let's just try not to destroy the forest they're alledgedly living in or else they might get pissed.
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Ekho
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I went through schizophrenia a while back and you are spot on. I couldn't help the memories that were dredged up, but I've been fine handling that.
Before I developed full schizophrenia, I started to hullucinate; sometimes patterns would shift or I would see shadows moving out of the corner of my eye. When I became completely schizophrenic, I felt displaced from reality, but I didn't feel like anything was wrong, rather, I felt energised and aware. I was convinced the notions in my head were true and that everyone else was playing a role like in 'The Truman Show' but they didn't know I knew. Everyone was against me, even my family. I believed I was special, I won't say how because its kind of embarrassing. I was hyper alert and eventually it started to wear me down. I was becoming physically, mentally and emotionally tired. I began to realise something was very wrong but I couldn't put it into words. I was also too scared to accept it and ask for help. The one thing that really helped me overcome it was the great friends I had. Not once did they question the change in me. They treated me as they always had instead of running for the hills. They knew something was wrong but they patiently waited for me to work it out. My friends grounded me in reality and made me see that they were real, not some paranoid fancy I couldn't verify and validate.
To the OP, the majority of symptoms you have point to schizophrenia. I did a lot of research on the topic during university when I had access to Psychology texts and databases. All evidence suggests you are developing or suffering schizophrenia. I don't know what else I can say to help you except that I really hope you recover from this.
Even though they weren't my proudest moments, having been through schizophrenia, I'm a lot better for it. I don't care about what people think anymore, I'm more relaxed, honest, empathic and in control of my reality. The mind is an amazing place and so is the world around it. There is so much to learn and discover and so much beauty to appreciate.
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It seems to me that other peoples experiences sound more severe than mine as I have never had severe hallucinations. However I understand what you mean about being more aware of things. I dont think im getting worse either because this isnt anything new for me and ive been on antipsychotics for about 6 years now. I often wonder if I really need them though. Maybe Im fine and realize what others do not and they want to keep me from being aware and conform to the rest of society. I do feel like Im in some kind of think like the truman show. Ive often thought Im actually a character in a book someones writing in another reality. Im also very much aware of extra dimensional beings and how to manipulate my own reality around me. If I am crazy though I hide it very well. I dont think anyone notices anything different about me. I dont think I will ever know for sure if Im aware of things no one else is or if I am losing my mind. There really is no possible way to know. They say that delusional people will keep the same beliefs even if you disprove them. However everything I know about cannot be disproven. Theres no such thing as delusions when nothings real.
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Ekho
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I know what you mean. You are more aware of things, especially things that no one else notices. But that does't mean you should dwell on them, as hard as it is not to. A major part of my schizophrenia was my rejection of societal norms and the system we live in, I felt freed from the shackles of of an oppressive world and people that lived their lives blindly. I still believe people are born into a system of slavery and control, I believe the current monetary system should be abolished and people should be freed from consumerism, but those beliefs come from a more rational and educated part of my mind.
If you have been in this mental state for around 6 years now, then you're probably really good at concealing what's going on inside your head. I really don't believe in medication to treat schizophrenia but I can see its uses if moderated and controlled. Ultimately your brain has to repair itself and our capacity for healing is often underestimated or not understood. But heal it will if you truly want that.
I can relate to the thought processes in your head, they seem so right all the time. I was able to see people's auras. I thought I could hear what people were thinking at times. I believed I had other abilities but what matters now is that those things have no significance anymore. I've moved on and my life is wonderful. I still believe in certain things, like reincarnation, spirit guides, and other levels of existence, but those beliefs are nurtured by reading books from the spiritual masters (Deepak Chopra etc). What's different now is that I control those beliefs, they do not control me. You must want to be in full control if you want to return to your true self. To be in full control, to tell the voice in your head (your ego), to shut up, is the ultimate power you can have. Then you can truly learn how to control/manipulate your reality.
I hope you have supportive family and friends because you will need them to heal. Going through this alone is not ideal. Don't sweat the small stuff and put your energy into something constructive and meaningful. Eventually your brain will rewire itself, but you won't be returning to normal; you will become something better because this ordeal will make you stronger. And remember, you are special, we all are. Peace be with you.