The one that bothers me the most is when I was about 10 and living in Florida. My sister was 3 at the time.
My sister and I must have done something together that my father didn't like. We might have acted up at the store or something, we messed with each other a lot.
I remember it vividly. I had my hands on the back of the couch and my pants down, my father had just finished belting me with his leather braided belt. He moved on to my sister. He made me watch as part of my punishment.
He hit her with the belt, she screamed and screamed and finally fell to the floor unconscious. He got angry and started hitting her again after she peed on the floor and she woke up screaming.
Every now and then, I will close my eyes and see it again. I'll hear her screaming and sometimes I will picture the situation going differently. I will run into the kitchen, grab a knife and stab him and just keep stabbing at him until he subdues me. Sometimes I will run to the neighbor's house, pound on the door and beg for him to come help my sister. I am so ashamed that I stood there and watched him beat my helpless little sister and I did nothing.
I have a few other bad memories. Being on the floor, begging my parents to kill me as one was belting me and the other laughed and told me that I was lucky I wasn't being killed or sent to foster care. Being hit in the face so hard that I am knocked over and almost in slow motion, watching the tile come at me from my side and hit me in the face and listening to him tell me "I didn't hit you that hard! Get up! You're being dramatic!", feeling his fingers on the back of my throat...
I swear, I will never allow that man anywhere near my children. In many ways... I am glad he left my life.
Do you have any bad childhood memories?
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The one that bothers me the most is when I was about 10 and living in Florida. My sister was 3 at the time.
My sister and I must have done something together that my father didn't like. We might have acted up at the store or something, we messed with each other a lot.
I remember it vividly. I had my hands on the back of the couch and my pants down, my father had just finished belting me with his leather braided belt. He moved on to my sister. He made me watch as part of my punishment.
He hit her with the belt, she screamed and screamed and finally fell to the floor unconscious. He got angry and started hitting her again after she peed on the floor and she woke up screaming.
Every now and then, I will close my eyes and see it again. I'll hear her screaming and sometimes I will picture the situation going differently. I will run into the kitchen, grab a knife and stab him and just keep stabbing at him until he subdues me. Sometimes I will run to the neighbor's house, pound on the door and beg for him to come help my sister. I am so ashamed that I stood there and watched him beat my helpless little sister and I did nothing.
I have a few other bad memories. Being on the floor, begging my parents to kill me as one was belting me and the other laughed and told me that I was lucky I wasn't being killed or sent to foster care. Being hit in the face so hard that I am knocked over and almost in slow motion, watching the tile come at me from my side and hit me in the face and listening to him tell me "I didn't hit you that hard! Get up! You're being dramatic!", feeling his fingers on the back of my throat...
I swear, I will never allow that man anywhere near my children. In many ways... I am glad he left my life.
--
thinkingaboutit
10 years ago
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Damn. It's weird, right, because occasionally random people saw your family and thought "oh what a pleasant family, I wish I had one :(".
You just never know.