Do you consider saying "you're not listening" is rude?

I am talking about when you are explaining something to a person and they jump to conclusions, decide what you mean and start talking when you have not finished what you are saying.

Yes, it is rude to say that. 7
No, it is not rude. 11
No, because they were rude by jumping to conclusions. 10
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Comments ( 21 )
  • charli.m

    Not necessarily. Depends on context and tone.

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  • geek_god_101

    I believe paying attention is VERY important during conversation. Being honest IS critical. Direct communication trumps clarity over indirect communication or any other nonverbal gibberish people guess at.

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  • YourNewDom

    It's not rude, fuck, if anything it'd be rude to waste their time by not correcting them. Interrupting midway through hearing your issue just points to the fact they're more concerned with hearing themselves talk themselves and how they'd deal with it than actually listening to you.
    But if you have an attitude and are not listening to them because it's not the answer you wanted to hear, yeah, you're being a rude bitch.

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  • libmae

    In today's world everyone is in a hurry and I think people need to be reminded to slow down, be polite, and give the other person a chance to talk.

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    • I agree. When you have to tell someone to stop and listen it takes longer than if they had just listened in the first place.

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  • bubsy

    Sounds like something a woman would say when she's upset, especially if you aren't picking up on the social cues she's giving you. A lot of guys are so oblivious that they need something direct like this.

    The best thing the guy can do is ask for more information about what she's mentioning, because that's what she really wants to talk about. Doesn't mean she wants the problem fixed, just that she wants to air it out.

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    • itsamistake

      FFS....where did the OP mention the sex of the people in the post? Wel............. I'm waiting. No, they did not, as the OP themselves said they did not specify whether this was something only women do.

      Like I said before, you obviously have a problem with women, so I suggest that you get over it as half of the users on this site are women. Jerk!

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      • bubsy

        He* didn't mention them, I just took a guess based on my experience and expectations. You really don't hear many guys say "You're not listening"; it's more of a girlfriend or wife thing to say.

        OP's question was a social one and genders definitely play a role. If the women on this site disagree or find my comment disparaging, that's fine. Doesn't make it wrong.

        *His comment below confirms that he is a guy and I guessed right. And I don't know about you, but I hate using 'they'.

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    • Well I was not referring to a man and women talking but rather a general question. What you are saying is because men work differently to many women. Many men work on being direct and saying what they mean but more women work on cues than men do. Having said that women are more direct in other ways than men tend to be also. I am a guy and have no problem or very little problem reading cues.

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      • charli.m

        Don't mind him. He just likes to woman bash whenever he can.

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        • dweeb

          It's all about persecution. That's what Boogers said once.

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          • charli.m

            Stop talking about yourself in third person, you pretentious wank stain.

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            • dweeb

              Are you persecuting me? You're hippo-critical. Why can't I criticize Bubsy? That's what you do. Just who is being pretentious here? No wonder people give you no respect.

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      • RoseIsabella

        Unfortunately, I know a couple of guys who love to explain things in the most exasperating and long-winded of ways. I'm not trying to point the proverbial finger at anyone here, but rather speaking of the two men I love the most, my father and my partner. I honestly think they both just love to hear themselves talk. Get them in the same room and good luck to any else who would like to get a word in edgewise, at least they get along very well, but damn...

        When someone interrupts me to start rambling about what he or she thinks I'm talking about I usually remind them to please not interrupt me, because I haven't finished making my point. I also remind them that I don't interrupt them in such a manner and I would like the same courtesy shown to me.

        I prefer not to say "you're not listening", because I'm not trying to sound whiny or engage the interrupting person who thinks he or she knows everything on their grounds. I'm simply trying to finish making my point. My tactic only works if you genuinely have a good track record of not interrupting people, which takes a lot of patience and can be very hard to do when someone is being a long-winded bore. I'm not saying that I can't be that way myself... but damn!

        It always seems that the people who interrupt the most tend to listen the least. I put a lot more effort into this bullshit when it's coming from someone I love and care about, but if it's just some random jackass it's not a terrible thing to ignore or dismiss the person. If there are other people involved in the conversation then it's not a bad idea to perhaps suspend the subject matter and then resurrect the topic when the offending party is not around.

        Try not to ever feel guilty when disincluding another person. I once had a really annoying experience when I was sitting in a coffee shop and having a private conversation with a friend. We're talking about some very tame and rather spiritual matters and then suddenly this old douchebag guy asks if he could add something to our conversation. Since he was polite initially I naively said yes. Well, within a matter of mere sentences he had not only turned condescending, but had completely hijacked our conversation and was steering it toward some obscure subject matter. Finally he asked me in a rhetorical manner if I wanted to know more about the bullshit he was attempting to proselytize about to which I answered a simple "no". He seemed rather flabbergasted at my dismissive answer so he asked me again. Then I simply pointed out to him that my friend and I were minding our own business, having a private conversation and he had very presumptuously invited himself into our conversation when for all practical purposes we would have preferred to have been left alone. Sure he was insulted, and his piece of shit oversized ego was probably bruised, but at least he got up and left us alone.

        Now here comes the weird and creepy part. The stupid weirdo couldn't just shut his pie hole, move tables or simply do us all a favor and leave the establishment. Nope, instead he went and stood out in the freezing rain pacing and chain smoking cigarettes in front the coffee shop. To add to the weirdness he and his girlfriend, who obviously was significantly younger than him, and had not said a single word the entire time were wearing these stupid matching leather jackets. To be honest I felt really sorry for her, because she seemed to have no real identity of her own, and there must have been something wrong with her that she was with his crazy ass. It was bad enough that he was loitering outside and pacing around chain smoking in the freezing rain, but there was no reason for her to have to join him in the awkwardness and oppressive weather conditions. I was glad when they finally jumped on that piece of shit's motorcycle and rode away into the brown and gray dreariness that was that Las Vegas winter's day. Sin city is full of douchebag weirdos.

        Sorry for the crazy rant. It can be a little scary at times, but I think it's appropriate to dismiss some people.

        I haven't thought about that strange encounter in a long time, and although there's no way of knowing I wouldn't be surprised if it turned out that he had been on drugs.

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