Actually kind of the opposite. It's hard to tell of she's a gold digger or not simply by her acting out of the norm. I would be excited to go to a fancy restaurant and drive a new car myself, because i'm not exposed to the high life like that.
She could have just been raised like that and has attachment issues (speculating). It's hard to say.
I'm definitely not high life, I have a few trinkets, but otherwise that's it. I have no children hence I have a little extra disposable income.
Yeah I get what you're saying, and I wouldn't knock her for that, but I definitely feel there's an attachment issue based on my own previous attachment issues and seeing the signs I use to display, but also based on her past relationship descriptions.
We invite into out lives that which reinforces who we are. This statement could backfire on me, except it's been more than 7 years since I've dated a personality like this and I picked her off of an online profile. Now if I keep trying with her and she remains this way with me, than this would be bad for me.
That said, I'm in the early stages with her and my gut is telling me she is where I use to be relationship wise and right now I'm using this site as a sounding board to validate/invalidate my gut feeling. This sort of interaction between her and I has a short shelf life, but I don't want to jump to conclusions without hearing others take.
Right now I sense a strong feeling of attachment issue on her side. Almost EVERY one of her past relationships involved a male who was desperately attached to her and was willing to write laundry lists for why they should remain together, or sleep on her front porch to convince her. I'm not that guy. I was the "bad boy" who grew up. I understand the importance of reciprocity and healthy demonstration of attraction. I'm willing to do what's necessary to show this to her, but you can only show someone so much...you can't cater to their need for you to become clingy in order to make them feel important.
In the past my style was pump and dump because I was afraid of commitment. On top of that I wanted to dominate that woman by using push-pull and hot-cold. This tactic usually creates a sense of "need" (neediness) and causes a girl to chase. Sometimes it happens quickly, sometimes it takes years once you simply disappear without any explanation. I quit using these tactics because what I ended up with were insecure women who after I committed and stopped pandering to constant validation, would eventually seek the constant validation elsewhere (male attention). My ex-wife was like this. She was very aloof when we started, so I played hard ball with her and she started chasing me...this eventually blew up in my face 5 years later when she cheated.
I walked away from that. 4 years after the divorce she started chasing me again and is in fact doing this now.
Soooo...my gut tells me that if she's letting me have "the goods", but limiting communication or any of the social benefits, she's employing an old tactic that would cause me to ask "what's going on"...and it's working. However, I've controlled my responses toward her and now I need to put myself in check by looking past all the good qualities I am attracted to (her independence, her looks, her life philosophy) and everything else I idealized about her. I'm starting to see that much of that idealization is based on her profile info and not what has been presented to me.
All the above comments are based on internal discussions I have with myself over the last week. Hearing what you folks have to say is reiterative and reinforcing.
Dating a great looking girl; never been proposed to.
↑ View this comment's parent
← View full post
Ugh...yeah, I'm going to bail out of this one. Seems like a unanimous response here.
--
myboyfriendsbitch
10 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
0
0
Actually kind of the opposite. It's hard to tell of she's a gold digger or not simply by her acting out of the norm. I would be excited to go to a fancy restaurant and drive a new car myself, because i'm not exposed to the high life like that.
She could have just been raised like that and has attachment issues (speculating). It's hard to say.
--
Tekhed
10 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
0
0
MFB (love your name),
I'm definitely not high life, I have a few trinkets, but otherwise that's it. I have no children hence I have a little extra disposable income.
Yeah I get what you're saying, and I wouldn't knock her for that, but I definitely feel there's an attachment issue based on my own previous attachment issues and seeing the signs I use to display, but also based on her past relationship descriptions.
We invite into out lives that which reinforces who we are. This statement could backfire on me, except it's been more than 7 years since I've dated a personality like this and I picked her off of an online profile. Now if I keep trying with her and she remains this way with me, than this would be bad for me.
That said, I'm in the early stages with her and my gut is telling me she is where I use to be relationship wise and right now I'm using this site as a sounding board to validate/invalidate my gut feeling. This sort of interaction between her and I has a short shelf life, but I don't want to jump to conclusions without hearing others take.
Right now I sense a strong feeling of attachment issue on her side. Almost EVERY one of her past relationships involved a male who was desperately attached to her and was willing to write laundry lists for why they should remain together, or sleep on her front porch to convince her. I'm not that guy. I was the "bad boy" who grew up. I understand the importance of reciprocity and healthy demonstration of attraction. I'm willing to do what's necessary to show this to her, but you can only show someone so much...you can't cater to their need for you to become clingy in order to make them feel important.
In the past my style was pump and dump because I was afraid of commitment. On top of that I wanted to dominate that woman by using push-pull and hot-cold. This tactic usually creates a sense of "need" (neediness) and causes a girl to chase. Sometimes it happens quickly, sometimes it takes years once you simply disappear without any explanation. I quit using these tactics because what I ended up with were insecure women who after I committed and stopped pandering to constant validation, would eventually seek the constant validation elsewhere (male attention). My ex-wife was like this. She was very aloof when we started, so I played hard ball with her and she started chasing me...this eventually blew up in my face 5 years later when she cheated.
I walked away from that. 4 years after the divorce she started chasing me again and is in fact doing this now.
Soooo...my gut tells me that if she's letting me have "the goods", but limiting communication or any of the social benefits, she's employing an old tactic that would cause me to ask "what's going on"...and it's working. However, I've controlled my responses toward her and now I need to put myself in check by looking past all the good qualities I am attracted to (her independence, her looks, her life philosophy) and everything else I idealized about her. I'm starting to see that much of that idealization is based on her profile info and not what has been presented to me.
All the above comments are based on internal discussions I have with myself over the last week. Hearing what you folks have to say is reiterative and reinforcing.