Damned if i do, damned if i don't

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11 Comments

I've been married for 5 years. My hubby has an 3 kids from his 1st marriage & I have a daughter from a previous relationship. His oldest, who is 18, & my daughter live with us. I know that being 18 can be stressful. Been there, done that. The 18 year old & I get along, for the most part. I involve myself in his activities, & pretty much be there for him, when he wants to talk. The past 2 weeks, he has been different. Doesn't want me knowing what his plans are; or when he'll be home; causing problems with my hubby & I. So, I try to give him space. Well now, he's telling my hubby that I give him dirty looks, I don't talk to him, & I'm the reason that he's never home. I don't know what I've done. He doesn't want to talk about it. At least not to me. He yells at my daughter everytime they're in the same room. I want to talk to him & find out what is going on, but my hubby says to let it go. He lives with us, not the other way around.

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Comments ( 11 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • MESOMIKE
    13 years ago | pl

    I hate to make everything about sex, but sometimes when one has a sexual fantasy about someone close to them, in which the act is either inappropriate or will simply never happen, reality kicks in. And they're angry at the other person for no apparent reason. I've done this a couple of times myself. He's probably, therefore, reacting to a harsh reality check-----just a guess.

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  • lol_bamf
    13 years ago | pl

    Maybe he misses his biological mom or his girlfriend broke up about it. Have your husband have a man to man talk with.
    Honestly I think he's just ready to flee the house and go to college.

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    • ucipher8
      10 years ago | pl

      he's totally mad at you for not being his biological mom. Plus he's 18, about to be a young man and maybe is a little insecure about the kind of family he's going to have when he's a seasoned adult.

      Your husband needs to do better than say "He lives with us, not the other way around"

      I commend you for being thoughtful to be concerned about it. Sounds like you two had some kind of common ground, maybe try talking to him in letter format?

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  • aussiewolf
    13 years ago | pl

    wow it sounds like your hubby and his son are very similar in that they dont like talking about what is on their mind but your husband really should be trying to figure out what is wrong instead of fobbing it off because it is obviously causing a lot of trouble. personally i certainly would not put up with that 18 year old yelling at my kid for no reason and i would probably put him on his ass but that is not what i am suggesting you to do. you and your husband really need to be a team and make the same decisions with the kids because if your kids can see that what they are doing is causing problems and they get their own way, then they are just going to keep doing it. sit down and talk with your husband and just explain that you are the parents and you both need to take care of the situation as a team. dont let the kid see if you argue because again that will show there is instability and he will take advantage of it which he is already doing and cause more problems just to get his own way, like lying to his dad about how you treat him. its easy to put this in writing, its the doing part that is hard but you both have to stay strong with any decision that you make and stick to it.

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  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago | pl

    Im 15 i think hes crying out for help Or needs some sort of attention Or hes just pissed about something. Either way try to talk to him and see were hes coming from

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    • ucipher8
      10 years ago | pl

      reading this dreadful edited paragraph again, i would agree with you on this. Teenagers are fragile, especially when they learn they are "eighteen" and now have more responsibilities under the law (as opposed to just their household).

      I can imagine why this makes college so exciting but then again, i never went. Sexual fantasies about a mother, he doesn't know, but loves because she takes care of him, treats him well etc... I might want to classify as normal. But ill stand by my first comment.

      EYE want to guess that, he's afraid he will end up like his father, children spread out everywhere with not just one but two women his heart is torn against.

      If i was the wife, id kick my husband in the nuts for being too much of a hardass. Because I'm probably best as his brother in law or next door neighbor, id invite him for a beer or a night at the bar, something like that.

      Otherwise, call your Dad, Brother, Cousin, whatever to smack some sense into that fool (maybe both of em)

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  • SillyKitty55
    13 years ago | pl

    i agree have him drug tested
    and if he is on drugs
    kick him out

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  • mrgrim747
    13 years ago | pl

    It would be wise of you to talk to your husband about having this boy drug tested

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  • Kilt
    13 years ago | pl

    I think that his Dad should have a talk with him and find out what is bothering him. Your husband also needs to reinforce with him everyone deserves respect in your house, him included and that yelling at people won't be tolerated. Who knows what is bugging him but obviously he is not perceiving things right if he thinks you are giving him dirty looks. It may be drugs if he is paranoid and withdrawing... Then again it could be numerous other reasons for his behavior. Either way communication is key.

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    • ucipher8
      10 years ago | pl

      i won't say drugs, i mean he's 18... But a marriage, or partnership are not one sided relationships. A lot of people need to be woken up

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  • stealinsugars
    13 years ago | pl

    I'm more concerned about the sudden change in attitude, the secrecy and anger. Is it possible he has started using drugs?

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