I also agreed with this part: "Resist saying your side of the story, because that will prompt the person to say THEIR side, which will cause you to state your reasoning again." But I wanted to add, also just LISTEN to the person when they say their side. This will help if/when you want to explain your side. This is a good tactic to try instead of "pretending that they're right." I could never even do that part because that would mean pretending you're wrong, which means deep down you're not opening your mind to the possibility you might actually be wrong, even if you turn out not to be. You might realize that part of it was a misunderstanding (it might even have been misheard). Just treat them with the same respect as you would appreciate be given to you. It may be difficult, but remind yourself this is a person who has value to you, otherwise you wouldn't care to try to convince them of your opposing POV. What I've found works for me recently is to take myself and my "intentions"/"knowledge" out of the equation while they are explaining, pretend the person is telling me something regarding their situation with someone else instead of me, and I am listening to what they say so I can give them the best advice on what to do. Conflicts escalate because the parties involved do not feel heard, understood or respected.
"Apologize (even if you still think they're wrong) and tell them that they're right." I also agree with this to some degree, but mostly because even if "your insides...burn with anger and pride," (great, and very accurate description) eventually you will most likely be sorry in some way, shape or form, and if it's with a loved one, you'll be sorry that something so stupid made you argue with/hurt/lose someone you love for so long, making you both miserable on your free time in the precious moments we all have in our lives that we're supposedly sharing with one another because we delight in making one another happy. So yes, "you ignore that," but not necessarily "Because you are the smarter, bigger person who had enough control to diffuse the situation," but more because whatever this conflict is about, it must be resolvable with something we can figure out with our brains, but we're often arguing with our emotions.
At a time when you are not having a conflict with the person, ask to speak to them about your conflict resolution solutions. Tell them you realized your method is not bringing about positive results as much as negativity and hurt feelings, which is never your goal, so you would like to work on this and would like their help. This will put them in a completely different frame of mind. Don't be surprised if their jaw drops. Continue by saying that you're not saying you're always right, or that they are, and you also realize that it's never all either party's fault, but that both/all have responsibility in conflict escalation, usually due to emotions getting in the way of communication of information or a point of view that is trying to be explained and understood. Let them know you want to do agree to something different now. This will indicate to them that you are serious about wanting to change this. Then tell them that next time you are in a conflict, as soon as you realize it (raised voices, interrupting, anger, faster breathing/heartbeat, that "familiar feeling" rising in your chest), you are going to say something like "5 minute walk" and then you will both agree to take a break from the conflict - both stop talking, period, one leaves briefly if possible, and then returns after emotions are calmed. This does not mean "admitting defeat" or anything of the sort - it's just a break. If the conflict continues, take another break. Remember why you care. Make sure to hug, if it's appropriate. Then do something nice for yourselves to remind yourselves of why you chose to be in each other's lives.
Conflict resolution any advice?
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*****PART 2 - CONTINUED from previous comment****
I also agreed with this part: "Resist saying your side of the story, because that will prompt the person to say THEIR side, which will cause you to state your reasoning again." But I wanted to add, also just LISTEN to the person when they say their side. This will help if/when you want to explain your side. This is a good tactic to try instead of "pretending that they're right." I could never even do that part because that would mean pretending you're wrong, which means deep down you're not opening your mind to the possibility you might actually be wrong, even if you turn out not to be. You might realize that part of it was a misunderstanding (it might even have been misheard). Just treat them with the same respect as you would appreciate be given to you. It may be difficult, but remind yourself this is a person who has value to you, otherwise you wouldn't care to try to convince them of your opposing POV. What I've found works for me recently is to take myself and my "intentions"/"knowledge" out of the equation while they are explaining, pretend the person is telling me something regarding their situation with someone else instead of me, and I am listening to what they say so I can give them the best advice on what to do. Conflicts escalate because the parties involved do not feel heard, understood or respected.
"Apologize (even if you still think they're wrong) and tell them that they're right." I also agree with this to some degree, but mostly because even if "your insides...burn with anger and pride," (great, and very accurate description) eventually you will most likely be sorry in some way, shape or form, and if it's with a loved one, you'll be sorry that something so stupid made you argue with/hurt/lose someone you love for so long, making you both miserable on your free time in the precious moments we all have in our lives that we're supposedly sharing with one another because we delight in making one another happy. So yes, "you ignore that," but not necessarily "Because you are the smarter, bigger person who had enough control to diffuse the situation," but more because whatever this conflict is about, it must be resolvable with something we can figure out with our brains, but we're often arguing with our emotions.
At a time when you are not having a conflict with the person, ask to speak to them about your conflict resolution solutions. Tell them you realized your method is not bringing about positive results as much as negativity and hurt feelings, which is never your goal, so you would like to work on this and would like their help. This will put them in a completely different frame of mind. Don't be surprised if their jaw drops. Continue by saying that you're not saying you're always right, or that they are, and you also realize that it's never all either party's fault, but that both/all have responsibility in conflict escalation, usually due to emotions getting in the way of communication of information or a point of view that is trying to be explained and understood. Let them know you want to do agree to something different now. This will indicate to them that you are serious about wanting to change this. Then tell them that next time you are in a conflict, as soon as you realize it (raised voices, interrupting, anger, faster breathing/heartbeat, that "familiar feeling" rising in your chest), you are going to say something like "5 minute walk" and then you will both agree to take a break from the conflict - both stop talking, period, one leaves briefly if possible, and then returns after emotions are calmed. This does not mean "admitting defeat" or anything of the sort - it's just a break. If the conflict continues, take another break. Remember why you care. Make sure to hug, if it's appropriate. Then do something nice for yourselves to remind yourselves of why you chose to be in each other's lives.
Hope this helps.