Can you discover you're a lesbian in your 30s?

I think I may be a lesbian. I'm 33. Can you discover your sexuality in your early 30s? Relationships with guys never seem to work out for me, and I'm very pretty and smart.
I've had crushes on two women in the past, before I even had the notion I may be a lesbian. How can you tell?

Is It Normal?
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  • Yes you can. It's actually very common for women to not realize they aren't straight until later in life. I dont think relationships with men never working out is a reason enough for thinking that though. You could simply be choosing the wrong men, or have commitment issues or something. It all depends on wether you were attracted to those men you've dated or if you were just with them because you liked them as friends and felt pressured to have a boyfriend, and wether or not you feel attracted to men in general or not. You could also be bi if you've had crushes on women. There's no harm in dating women instead and see if that feels better for you.

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  • Seems unlikely. All people in their 30s are hetero /s

    But for real you can discover your sexuality at any age. I had a friend whose grandpa realized he was gay only after he reached his 80s

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  • If you have crushes on men then you're not a lesbian, you're bi.

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  • Dont get caught up in the label. If you see a chic you like try it if you want. If you see a dude you like try it. The word lesbian shouldnt mean that much.

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    • I feel like we put too much emphasis on labeling our sexuality. Maybe some of us just wanna do whatever without having people shove labels in our face.

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  • Yes absolutely. Having relationships not work out with men doesn't necessarily mean your sexuality must be the problem though. Are you attracted to men? If so, then you're not gay. You could still be bi of course. But are you attracted to women? Try looking at pictures of both men and women (not necessarily pornographic pictures), and then ask yourself if you're attracted to them, or if you just find them handsome/pretty. Be completely honest with yourself, there's no shame with any answer you give. Either way, try not to let two relationships that didn't work out dishearten you. There are still plenty of opportunities for more relationships.

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  • Sure...

    ..If you hit puberty in your 30s

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  • Sounds like you may be bi. If you’re been attracted to men in the past that means you’re not a lesbian, but that doesn’t make your attraction to women any less legitimate. If you’re single right now the best way to find out is first hand experience - see if there’s any woman around you that you find pretty and would be willing to go on a date or try some sexual things with you. No age is too late to explore your sexuality. Good luck :)

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  • Yes it's normal. I'd suggest working it out with a therapist.

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  • The reality is
    1. women like men who have a lot of options. In reality for a long-term relationship, they are better off with men who don't have a lot of options. Because guys with a lot of options are less likely to be interested genuinely in a monogamous long-term relationship
    2. Other thing is men are typically not honest with their intentions bc they typically just want sex

    I don't know if that's had an impact on your relations with men, but I remember in my teens and twenties I would see women turn "gay" all of a sudden because their relationships with men and weren't working. & Typically thats why

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