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Can you identify one specific seemingly innocent incident to the complete ruin of your life?
I feel that a move my parents made when I was 12 absolutely, positively ruined my life in ALL aspects and turned me into every bad thing I have become and caused every bad thing that has happened to me and to others I have affected since then.
What about you?
In the vast majority of cases I don't think it's just one cause. Maybe one event which triggered your "downfall", but if you look for them, there always seem to be causes which occurred long before the "downfall". Things always seem to build up. So, I personally don't attribute one specific thing to a downfall. I've never had a downfall, though.
That just seems like such a dramatic way to describe what happened to you. And it's even more dramatic that you think a move ruined every single about your life. I'm sorry, but no. Don't be so ridiculous. Your life's not even over yet, you drama queen. Get over it OP!
You don't know what happened because of the move. I'm not going to get into it here because it's very long, very personal and just bad but I was a child and had no control over what happened and I also didn't get the help I needed to get through it and it really did damage me and caused a snowball effect that really DID ruin my life.
Sorry, I did feel a bit mean saying it. It's just downfall seems so melodramatic to me. It's the sort of word I'd use when describing a King losing power or something like that, not someone's personal life. Plus, things get better. I'm sure things will pick up for you:). Like I said, your life isn't over yet.
But even there you're implying that it was more than one thing that caused it. Well, that's what I'm assuming you mean by snowball effect. Either way, I'm sorry, and I hope things get better (as I'm sure they will).
I moved to North Carolina, away from all of my friends. My Dad left us, my Mom had an affair and I found out and shit hit the fan. I was walking on egg-shells constantly, waiting for her next temper tantrum. He left us in debt and we had to move into a trailer because my Mom couldn't afford the rent. He took all of our money and plunged my Mom into the poorhouse. Suddenly, I became the one that was responsible for the upkeep of the house and my siblings. She even had another baby with this dork. In this trailer park, I got into trouble and led a dirty life that I still regret as I was never supervised and always looking for something that would make me feel a little less self-hatred as my Mom blamed me for the divorce and for her poor life and I believed her.
I would say this significantly impacted my life. In many ways, this was a negative thing and I might have fared a lot better in High School had I not been going through the drama and bullshit fest I was dealing with at home. It forced me to grow up and look at a lot of adult issues like an adult.
However, it didn't ruin my life. I wasn't going to let it and I still won't. I learned so much that many of my peers are oblivious too. I have learned that people are imperfect and make mistakes and often deserve forgiveness, I have learned that what we experience molds our perceptions and outlooks so much that saying that a person's opinion is invalid effectively dismisses 20+ years of experience and strife, I have learned that you don't need to sink to anyone else's level to get their respect and if you do, their respect is superficial and not worth it and so many more lessons that take some people far into their adulthood to learn.
After seeing what I have seen, the success stories, the failure stories and the like, I can tell you that if whatever is going on in your life is ruining your life, it is because you're letting it.
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
I don't think cheating should define the entire person that you are. They cheated twice, which isn't fantastic but that doesn't make them an entire bad person. Anyone can cheat. Shit happens, feelings develop, things move faster than you ever expect them to and we act upon it because we're fucking animals.
I can't exactly say anything that has caused it. Perhaps not having a dominant father (not the abusive type) may be why, but then again maybe not.
Froma young age I would abuse my little baby brother, pull knifes on my older brother, steal, and played rape games with my female friend at the time (she wanted to play it, too).
In my teens I started thieving from larger areas, ranging from construction areas to a house worth a hell of a lot.
I then became interested in arson and started small, then ended up doing arson to far larger scales.
I started cutting, not because of emotional reasons, so don't assume I was in the emo area, but mainly because I started liking blood. The colour of it (I love red, but blood red is just amazing looking), I started cutting to put on paper, my legs, arms, and face. I liked the picture of me in my blood. Don't confuse me as a vampire wannabe. As much as I like the taste of blood, I do not hold this "I am a vampire" thing. I don't dress or act like them, not think I am one, so I am not deluded.
Then last year I killed a mouse. Although I killed it because it was cut by my cat and dying anyway, I drowned it, I enjoyed it.
A large variety in to more serious crime from my list was done with my best friend. We brought out the more negative sides of eachother, but it was more so a positive in our eyes. It was the only thing we enjoyed, normal things didn't cut it for us. Perhaps part of me becoming more serious in that area was becoming friends with my best friend, and the same as him as he never done the things we done until we became friends.
There are a list of other things, but not going in to that.
Can I say there is a reason? Not really. Possible personality/mental disorder? Doubt it, possible, considered, but I doubt it.
Perhaps I just have anti-social tendencies that make me do things I am not supposed to, or maybe I am just a rotten apple in the family. But then again I can't say that as my family has a history of criminal behaviour from petty crime to organized crime, it also has a history of mental disorder and sociopathy (no I am not a sociopath).
I can't say I regret it or feel guilt, but then again I am just a modern day human being, do we really feel guilt anymore?
All admit that psychopathic may be a bit too far, but I was just saying, since people have called you that before, that after reading your post you could probably understand why people would get that notion. Maybe it could be a rebellious phase, but that seems like something more for a 13yr old. I'm not here to make enemies I was really just shocked to discover this information about you is all.
It's no problem, don't feel as if I am giving hostility to you, that is not my intentions.
I can understand why some would suggest such things. The main reason why I would say I am not a psychopath is that I know these things are wrong. Although I don't feel guilty about them, I still know they are wrong and can understand that, which I am told psychopaths don't know right from wrong, which is why they do such acts.
We all have some skeletons in out closet, and maybe my whole rebellious phase is going on a little longer than most, but only time can tell.
You actually could be a psychopath, though to me you seem like if you did have a mental disorder (not saying you do) it would be Sociopath.
A sociopath is one who is affected with a personality disorder marked by antisocial behavior.
A psychopath is a person with an antisocial personality disorder, manifested in aggressive, perverted, criminal, or amoral behavior without empathy or remorse.
Being a psychopath is more about not feeling any remorse, a lot of psychopaths know what they did was wrong, they just don't give a shit.
I'm not saying you are either one, just letting you know what each of them actually mean. And you haven't done anything really crazy so it would be really jumping the gun to say you are a sociopath or psychopath but if you don't grow out of it in a few years maybe get tested.
A mental disorder isn't bad, I have a mental disorder and I'm going in to become a psychologist, it's better to know what you're dealing with then to deny it, you are what you are and you can't change it.
Eh, maybe. As long as you know these things are wrong then I guess that's good. I think I've said this before but I have a friend that's kind of like you and he's extremely apathetic but as he claims he's not a sociopath just apathetic. Anyways, point being, he's not a sociopath or psycho, so I guess maybe you're right on the whole just having skeletons in the closet.
It sounds as though you were looking for validation and power. You might have felt powerless and invisible being a child who is abused and neglected by your parents.
The things you describe are really quite typical behaviors (not common but typical for your background). I don't think it makes you a psychopath at all, you'd have to have significantly more history than what you've stated to even begin to label you as psychopathic and being only 19 you're very young still so how your behavior continues to evolve will be important to note.
I'd be willing to bet that now that you're becoming an adult you're considerably less interested in committing petty crimes and more interested in having a life and gaining power through more mature means like education and career. You're making a life of your own now without your parents being central to your life anymore so your motivations and goals will likely evolve and mature. You sound like an intelligent, decent and kind person, I think you'll easily get over your past and have a good life.
Or, I could be completely wrong!
Thanks for sharing your story.
My life not ruined as of yet has its ups & downs but when I'm down and analyse the things I've messed up the only person to blame is myself, I know lots if people who always find other people to blame but they r in denial, life gets better when u take responsibility for ur actions and except ur faults until u admit it's broken it can't b fixed but everyone is in control of their own future and can make it good or bad. The past is the past and can't b changed accept that and move on but the future isn't written so make it what u want it to be.
Please do not use textese, where it does not belong.
"... they [are] in denial, life gets better when [you] take responsibility for [your] actions and [accept (not except)] [your] faults until [you] admit it's broken it can't [be] fixed but everyone is in control of their own future and can make it good or bad."
It can be fixed or changed.
Also, please try to fix the run-on sentence structure.
Run-on Sentences, Comma Splices
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/runons.htm
Well, I suppose that's me told! But wait a minute, no, I'm posting from my mobile without the benefit of a keyboard. Didn't realise I was on an English assignment, I thought the question posed regarded life and it's ups and downs. Sorry I must have misunderstood it, or then again maybe you should go out and get a life, if all you have is the correction of grammar in others!
Just some general information for you now.
I am born and raised in England so English is my native language.
I have a university level education with qualifications, prior to university, in English language and literature.
May I ask why you feel it is your place and right to tell me how I should post!
So-called 'rights' are earned through responsible behaviour.
I do, in fact, have other things to do, other than correcting grammar in others. I have a very important message to impart to others; very important for all humans to understand correctly. But, I have realized that many people fail to understand this message correctly, for a variety of reasons. It seems that one of our primary attributes, which has allowed us to develop a sophisticated civilisation, as compared with the other sentient life forms on planet Earth. I have realized that there is a mien among many people, which hinders our capacity to communicate effectively. What is the point of having an advanced telecommunications network, if we can't communicate effectively with one another?
People have been 'throwing around' words and terminology helter-skelter, without understanding what these actually mean. They then corrupt and pollute the English language with such things as textese and archaic terminology, which should have no place (except among historians, in archives and in other related fields) in this New Era of Enlightenment.
I have no qualms about you using textese (SMS language) when communicating with others via a text messaging service, or perhaps in some chat sites. There are other people who do use this website, and English is not their first language. They are trying very hard to learn and understand English, but some people are teaching them poor English language habits.
Then there's the VHATC-L2 who often use trickery and deceit. One incorrect word communicated, can cause a person much grief, confusion, anguish or regret.
Well I can accept your explanation for your actions, I have difficulty with the thought you are projecting.
Firstly, the ability to spell and use correct grammar is not fundamentally necessary too share your thoughts or feelings with others, suppose the individual suffers from dyslexia. Should they be shunned from sites and have their feelings crushed because they hav trouble with words?
Secondly, it is not to be assumed that because you can spell and construct a sentence, you have something important to say or to share. In fact, I put it to you that this could be quite the opposite and that it is a smoke screen used by those who wish to hide or suppress the meaning that others in the site are trying to share.
I direct this last comment towards yourself, in that, your comment to myself was, still is, of topic. I therefore wish you well in your quest but if you wish to reply to my own comments please keep your reply on topic, if not, then please do not waste my time any longer. I do not say this to offend you merely that I do not wish to spend my time in petty arguments on subjects that are unimportant to me. To any none English speakers using the site to improve their English I apologise, but I am here to share my thoughts & feelings and to maybe solve some of my own life problems, therefore my grammar and spelling are not as important to me as what I have to ask or say.
I strongly disagree with your first statement.
The ability to spell and use correct grammar is fundamentally essential to share your thoughts and feelings with others.
For example:
[ham 2 b,r mabe wasp r hornet b idk i darz a point 2 Die, 2 sleepy,is it all? i all: no 2 sleepy,2 dreamy, i married dare it goes 4 in it dreame o death when baby awake & borne b4 4eae gr term 4 a deity who will arbitrate from whence no passenger evr returnd vndiscouerd country at hose site :),& pp ho has bin 'cast down' 2 a fictitious nether world. but 4 dis iofull hope o dis hold bear scornz & flattery o world,scorned by extreme radical religious right rich,rich pp sent to fictitious nether world o poor?
widow b oprest,orfan rong taste o hunger r tirants rain & 1000 mor calamityz bsidz 2 grunt&sweat vndr dis weary life wen dat he may his ful Quiet us make with a bare stiletto ho wood dis indure but 4 something after death?wich puslz braine& dot confound sence wich makes vs rather bare doz treats badlyz we hav dan flie 2 othrz dat we no not of.i dat O dis conscienz makes cowardz vs all Lady in orizonz b all my transgreshonz remembrd.]
This is a translation of one of the most famous passages in English literature, into how many people have begun to communicate. How is anyone supposed to make sense of this? How can anyone relate a coherent message in this way?
True, that the original was written in an earlier form of English (Elizabethan), but I can still read it, and make sense out of it. Also true, that languages evolve and change over time, but some people are simply polluting it, while others stubbornly cling on to archaic thoughts, ideas or concepts, and still others choose to remain ignorant.
Although I did go to an extreme here, these are all errors that I've noticed many people making habitually. I also did carry forward some of the original spellings and grammar and corrected some of the archaic concepts in this.
Who was the original author? It might, or might not have been William Shakespeare (dubious). This might have been plagiarized from him (probably), and modified, or he, himself might have modified it later. No one really knows.
Indeed, if you were to listen to a person speaking Old English, you probably would not understand more than a few words, which is why many of the words in modern English (those derived from the Low German roots) sometimes have awkward spellings.
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bad_quarto#section_2
I do believe that the 1603 version that I did translate from, was pirated. How do I know? I know that William Shakespeare was very careful not to dabble in any religious concepts which might have upset the church. Yet in this version, several religious concepts are blatantly obvious in it. It seems that some people have not changed their behaviour in over 400 years!
Dyslexia only affects 5 to 10 per cent of the population, depending on whose definition you use, as this is subjective. It does not do anyone any benefit, including dyslexics, if we perpetuate these communicative errors. In fact, if people begin to realize the actual nature of the Universe, we might realize why dyslexics have trouble in this way. Ultimately, this might help them, but the message must first be communicated effectively to the vast majority of the population.
I agree with you, in the second part, as I have found this. There are some individuals, who at first might seem intelligent and credible, but their 'story' soon falls apart, when challenged. Often, they do this purposely, for no other reason than greed, in one form or another. They sometimes launch verbal attacks, or purposely create a disruption or spread ignorant ideas around willy-nilly. At other times, they act stupidly, when they're not. But they are stupid, because through their own selfish greed, they are destroying civilisation, life on planet Earth, and ultimately ourselves (extinct).
I apologise if my message is off topic, and that you feel that the actual nature of the Universe is unimportant to you.
We can simply continue to ignore the real problems in this world, and continue to destroy ourselves, by doing nothing, and continually wasting valuable time with meaningless and senseless arguments.
I'm not sure if there was a single event that led me to become who I am. But I can tell you of a couple of things that happened to me that shaped to be who I am.
Growing up my father was had a very good job and we lived pretty well. It sounds good and it was, but my parents always gave me what I wanted. Every weekend I would always get a new toy. I thought myself better than people. However, I was beat up at school on a daily basis. Teachers would just walk by and ignore these kids pounding the snot out of me or abusing me with words. Back then it sucked, but now that I see it I needed to be knocked down from my high horse. Being bullied made me hate people. Sadly though, I sort of grew up with this mentality that I need to be bullied because I'm still kind of arrogant.
I think people tend to over-simplify the causes of negativity in their lives, because it gives them something specific to focus on and, hopefully, learn from in a way that couldn't happen if you tried to take in all the countless factors. We do the same for the positive things in our lives. It's all usually more complicated than it seems.
I think that maybe because you couldn't process it then you're trying to process it now, but it's harder because the memories aren't perfect and people who were responsible for that event hold different positions in your life to the ones they did back then.
But although I don't know a thing about your situation, I still think it must be more complicated than just one thing.
I probably could, and having somebody/something to blame when I'm feeling down might make me feel better, but I know it's not the truth. That's just the easiest thing to do instead of accepting what the REAL situation is. The truth is that life isn't fair. Many people have it MUCH worse than I do, and the cause of my circumstances in life are none but my own. I have to be positive. I have to be thankful and appreciative of what I DO have and how fortunate I am. There is no other option.