Don't know how easy it is to approach your mum in terms of talking about things. But I think you guys need to talk. You need to be honest with her about how the situation when you were younger made you feel (and still makes you feel). But make sure you tell her you want to talk so that you guys can have a better relationship and make sure you tell her that you realise she had a lot to deal with. You don't want her feeling like you're just criticising how she behaved. You also need to make it obvious that you recognise how it must have been hard for her and that you appreciate the good things she did too. If your mum is prone to being volatile or to taking things personally, this will be a bit of a mission! You will know more about what she's like. I just think a frank and honest discussion is the only starting point really. I would make very clear to her that, as an adult, you now understand the pressure and stress she must have been under (something you didn't realise as a child). Good luck, I think you could work towards a better r'ship. All is not lost.
Thanks ! Do you have advice to avoid getting too emotinal, because my talks with her always ends up with a fight or an argument because of emotions I can't really keep my cool unfortunatly.
Hmm... tricky! Maybe see this as an opportunity to practise keeping your cool a bit more. It's something that really matters to you, so perhaps you'll actually surprise yourself. Maybe you could even be honest and say at the start - "I think we need to have a talk and I will try to keep my cool but you know how I find that hard to do." Then you've been honest and hopefully your mum will respect you for it. I don't think you can exactly plan how the talk will go but rather just see how it goes and try your best to keep calm. If you've tried your best, then you can say to yourself that you tried. If it gets too heated, perhaps be the one to say - "I'm sorry but we need to cool off for a bit" and walk away. Even if it's just for twenty minutes. It must seem scary but approaching the issue/s is more productive than burying your head in the sand. I think the sooner you attempt to talk, the better. You probably won't discuss everything at once but a start would be positive. Even if it ends in a row, at least you will have 'broken the ice' in a way?
Can I fix my issues with my mom? IIN?
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Don't know how easy it is to approach your mum in terms of talking about things. But I think you guys need to talk. You need to be honest with her about how the situation when you were younger made you feel (and still makes you feel). But make sure you tell her you want to talk so that you guys can have a better relationship and make sure you tell her that you realise she had a lot to deal with. You don't want her feeling like you're just criticising how she behaved. You also need to make it obvious that you recognise how it must have been hard for her and that you appreciate the good things she did too. If your mum is prone to being volatile or to taking things personally, this will be a bit of a mission! You will know more about what she's like. I just think a frank and honest discussion is the only starting point really. I would make very clear to her that, as an adult, you now understand the pressure and stress she must have been under (something you didn't realise as a child). Good luck, I think you could work towards a better r'ship. All is not lost.
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twinklesstar
10 years ago
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Thanks ! Do you have advice to avoid getting too emotinal, because my talks with her always ends up with a fight or an argument because of emotions I can't really keep my cool unfortunatly.
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flowergirl87
10 years ago
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Hmm... tricky! Maybe see this as an opportunity to practise keeping your cool a bit more. It's something that really matters to you, so perhaps you'll actually surprise yourself. Maybe you could even be honest and say at the start - "I think we need to have a talk and I will try to keep my cool but you know how I find that hard to do." Then you've been honest and hopefully your mum will respect you for it. I don't think you can exactly plan how the talk will go but rather just see how it goes and try your best to keep calm. If you've tried your best, then you can say to yourself that you tried. If it gets too heated, perhaps be the one to say - "I'm sorry but we need to cool off for a bit" and walk away. Even if it's just for twenty minutes. It must seem scary but approaching the issue/s is more productive than burying your head in the sand. I think the sooner you attempt to talk, the better. You probably won't discuss everything at once but a start would be positive. Even if it ends in a row, at least you will have 'broken the ice' in a way?
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twinklesstar
10 years ago
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Ill take that advice and try to break the ice like you said. Whatever happens happens I guess.