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My significant other says that she's in love with both me and her ex. I don't think its possible to be in love with two people, so I'm leaving. Have you ever been in love with two people?
| No | 19 | |
| I don't know | 9 | |
| Yes | 19 | |
| Its possible | 14 |
I never understood these situations. If she loved either of you, would she not of tried to get over the love she had for the person she loved the least as loving someone involves loving them the most, in the case of romance?
Wouldn't loving somebody mean that you're the only one they need in regards to a partner, that you fufill what she or he is looking for in a person to spend their life with that they don't need to want another person in that same manner?
It's for those reasons I reject that concept of love and view anyone viewing it as love as having a lesser view on love. That said, I'm not the boss of others and how they live their life, nor should be.
So no, I have never felt that way about two people, it's eerily close to betrayal in my eyes.
You have a few options.
A. You could just live with it, put your future love life on the line.
B. Ask her to try and get rid of these feelings if she truly loves you.
C. End it. Cut your loses and go. Try to get over your love for her as quickly as you can by leaving her as quickly as you can because you want a woman that loves you and you alone and she can't give you that.
From your post I see that you done C, which I believe is one of the only two real options you could of went with. You kept your pride and now you can go about thenext chapter of finding who you're truly meant to be with instead of staying with her on a gamble she loves you more that could lead to her leaving you, leaving you less time to build a true relationship.
I hope everything works out well for you, Buddy. :P
The most important question isn't what feelings your SO has for her ex, it's what she's going to do about those feelings and if you can live with that.
The current cultural norm says that we can only romantically love one other person at any particular time. That's called the scarcity model of love. Basically, the idea is that we all have a limited ability to love and there's only enough love in our tanks for one other person at a time.
But love doesn't really work like that. If it did, it would not be possible for a parent to love their spouse, several children, and both their parents as well as the family dog, cat and pot-bellied pig.
You can say that those sorts of love are different, but that's the point: the love your SO feels for you is probably not identical to the love she feels for her ex and the way she demonstrates that love is probably very different.
If you're not secure enough about your own worth and your value to your SO to let you accept her loving another man (in a purely emotional way), then you obviously need to move on.
Yes, it's definitely possible, there are people out there with polyamorous relationships who have multiple partners, either all together as a group or as separate standalone relationships.
Whether you want to be in that situation however is an entirely different story. Still in love with her ex could lead to an awful lot of mess.
That's what I'm thinking too. Too much can happen in this situation. I plan to let her go in the most sensitive way I can, simply because she has been very honest about everything and I really appreciate that. If I could only find a woman so honest who wasn't still in love with her ex, then I would be in heaven. I'm feeling bad, though, because she can't go back to him. He's marrying a very lovely woman who buries her. But maybe she will find the right one somewhere else, hopefully.
I'm sure she will, she may just end up needing that kind of lifestyle, she may just be rushing into a relatioship too fast if she's not over this guy yet. Either way it's the best thing for both of you, for her to have some space to figure out what she really wants and for you to avoid a possibly messy breakup further down the line when things are more invested.
At any rate it's fantastic that you sound like such a kind and understanding person but ultimately you need to take care of yourself if you want to be there for other people, and no one should begrudge you for knowing where you draw your line in the sand.
Yeah, it's possible. Without going too deep into it, all it means is that monogamy isn't her thing. She's polyamorous to some degree. Or simply not over her ex, and secretly loves him more.
Anyway, good for you for leaving, most people would stay because they're emotionally attached and ignore their feelings until it turns into resentment. You have self-respect, and will definitely find a worthy woman someday; just don't let your ex make you slightly chauvinistic toward women.
I can say about myself and a woman. She is happily married and I know loves her husband too much. She has been meeting me to discuss literature, sometimes alone and sometimes in company of husband. After a couple of months I sensed she had some special feelings for me. One day I slightly kissed her. A few days later she candidly expressed her liking my kiss. The repeated meetings were more frank and her confession that she loved me. She was double minded that at one time she was in love with two men. Details are irrelevant here. Now I have severed my relations to save her married life.
Yes, I'm still in love with my ex and I suspect I always will be. That said I'm moving on with my life. Someday I'll fall in love with another but I will always love my first girl
Its possible, but rare. Women naturally pair off and direct all of their love to one mate. Some women, in some situations, can love, or believe they love more than one man. Typically when they do this, it is during a romantic transition stage. Did she leave him or did he leave her? Have you and her been together for a short time? It sounds like she is simply still carrying a torch which will eventually flicker out. Or not.
i have lied to myself about that but fact is you can only love one at a time . its possible to love them both at different times .