BDSM is fine for the most part but the kinks aren't always as closely related as people think. It's kind of just an umbrella term for the most common non-vanilla kinks, and the D and S are used twice.
It's really (BD)(DS)(SM).
I'd say DS, dom and sub, is the most common by far, and whether or not anyone's personally into it, it's obviously fine for others as long as no one is having their rights violated. It just really mutually turns on many doms and subs.
But there doesn't have to be overlap with, say, BD, bondage and "discipline" (just spankings the person totally wants), which is what most people think of when they hear BDSM. Many subs would be scared to death of being tied up and many doms cringe at the thought of spanking a sub or causing even a mild pain sensation as they don't correlate being dominant with being antagonistic. Sometimes there's overlap but that's coincidence if there is.
Similarly, some people like bondage and/or "discipline" independently of enjoying a particularly dominant or submissive role in sex. It's just exciting to them.
All that's fine as well. If someone likes any if that, cool. If not, cool.
The only one I have trouble with is the last one, SM, sadism and masochism. I particularly have trouble accepting the sadism, particularly emotional sadism. I totally understand that the sadists claim they're not necessarily bad people and are even perplexed themselves at that this arouses them, just as all kinks are inexplicable. They maintain it's purely sexual and they wouldn't act without consent. I get that.
But I just can't imagine being a practicing emotional sadist even if it randomly turned me on. I couldn't do things like say "Yeah your daddy never really loved you huh" until she cried to get my rocks off even if she was a practicing emotional masochist who achieved her best orgasms from hearing this while crying. When the session is over those words are still there and you've potentially done lasting mental damage. It feels so anti-therapeutic. That one just feels like a kink best suppressed for the sake of being a good person, similar to being a pedo.
The rest is fine though albeit not for everyone. Nothing wrong with you wanting to consensually dominate a woman who wants this just like you do. Just make sure it's one who actually does and that you don't treat her like shit or violate her rights. Absolutely don't pressure a non-sub to be a sub, and don't take advantage of an actual sub's submission in a malicious way either.
But yeah, what you're looking for is totally out there. I'm sorry you were cheated on and I hope you find real love.
Broke up with cis wife
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BDSM is fine for the most part but the kinks aren't always as closely related as people think. It's kind of just an umbrella term for the most common non-vanilla kinks, and the D and S are used twice.
It's really (BD)(DS)(SM).
I'd say DS, dom and sub, is the most common by far, and whether or not anyone's personally into it, it's obviously fine for others as long as no one is having their rights violated. It just really mutually turns on many doms and subs.
But there doesn't have to be overlap with, say, BD, bondage and "discipline" (just spankings the person totally wants), which is what most people think of when they hear BDSM. Many subs would be scared to death of being tied up and many doms cringe at the thought of spanking a sub or causing even a mild pain sensation as they don't correlate being dominant with being antagonistic. Sometimes there's overlap but that's coincidence if there is.
Similarly, some people like bondage and/or "discipline" independently of enjoying a particularly dominant or submissive role in sex. It's just exciting to them.
All that's fine as well. If someone likes any if that, cool. If not, cool.
The only one I have trouble with is the last one, SM, sadism and masochism. I particularly have trouble accepting the sadism, particularly emotional sadism. I totally understand that the sadists claim they're not necessarily bad people and are even perplexed themselves at that this arouses them, just as all kinks are inexplicable. They maintain it's purely sexual and they wouldn't act without consent. I get that.
But I just can't imagine being a practicing emotional sadist even if it randomly turned me on. I couldn't do things like say "Yeah your daddy never really loved you huh" until she cried to get my rocks off even if she was a practicing emotional masochist who achieved her best orgasms from hearing this while crying. When the session is over those words are still there and you've potentially done lasting mental damage. It feels so anti-therapeutic. That one just feels like a kink best suppressed for the sake of being a good person, similar to being a pedo.
The rest is fine though albeit not for everyone. Nothing wrong with you wanting to consensually dominate a woman who wants this just like you do. Just make sure it's one who actually does and that you don't treat her like shit or violate her rights. Absolutely don't pressure a non-sub to be a sub, and don't take advantage of an actual sub's submission in a malicious way either.
But yeah, what you're looking for is totally out there. I'm sorry you were cheated on and I hope you find real love.
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Zonfire80
2 years ago
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I’ll remember that. I hope I Do find love as well.