I had two girlfriends before who had a similar problem. It took a LONG time to get through it. Their first languages were not English either.
The reason it is causing you so much pain is because you think it will cause you pain. You are clinching up, and that is the cause of the pain, not actually your hymen.
The guy is falling flat only because you are having trouble, which comes back to cause him trouble. It is also much more difficult to impossible for the first time if he is not really hard.
Here is what you do, get some lubrication (like KY). Next, find a day when you can't get pregnant (use the calendar). A condom is just going to mess things up for both of you. Then you play. You lay down and relax. Do some kissing or whatever. Have him go down there and touch the opening of your vagina with his finger. What happens? You clinched. Have him try again, but use your mind to prevent the clinching. Once you he can touch you and you stay relaxed, go to the next step. Either use a smooth dildo or his penis, cover it with lubrication, then stick it in quickly. He may have to physically hold you and force into you (you have consented to this obviously) Your thoughts need to be on not clinching. But you will. Have him hold it there until you can relax. It may hurt like heck, but the pain will subside as you relax.
breaking the hymen? lose your erection when you put the condom?
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I had two girlfriends before who had a similar problem. It took a LONG time to get through it. Their first languages were not English either.
The reason it is causing you so much pain is because you think it will cause you pain. You are clinching up, and that is the cause of the pain, not actually your hymen.
The guy is falling flat only because you are having trouble, which comes back to cause him trouble. It is also much more difficult to impossible for the first time if he is not really hard.
Here is what you do, get some lubrication (like KY). Next, find a day when you can't get pregnant (use the calendar). A condom is just going to mess things up for both of you. Then you play. You lay down and relax. Do some kissing or whatever. Have him go down there and touch the opening of your vagina with his finger. What happens? You clinched. Have him try again, but use your mind to prevent the clinching. Once you he can touch you and you stay relaxed, go to the next step. Either use a smooth dildo or his penis, cover it with lubrication, then stick it in quickly. He may have to physically hold you and force into you (you have consented to this obviously) Your thoughts need to be on not clinching. But you will. Have him hold it there until you can relax. It may hurt like heck, but the pain will subside as you relax.
Next time will be easier.