Boyfriend didn't invite me to his friend's party

I have been with my boyfriend for a year. He is loving and caring. However, our relationship has a lot obstacles due to the fact that we are in an interracial relationship and with families involved, it's quite stressful. We are even discussing marriage. I have met his best friends and all that but not his parents.

My boyfriend's friend from law school just opened up his own firm and there is a party tomorrow. We are driving there tomorrow even though it's 2 hours away. Initially, my boyfriend didn't invite me to the actual party, he said that I would just stay at the hotel and then we would explore the town the next day. His reasoning for not inviting me was that he felt that I would be uncomfortable because of language barriers as well as the fact that most of the people would be old men. I am black and he is korean. We live in Korea and only a small number of people speak English, I cannot speak korean. I wasn't too thrilled about not being invited, at the very least he could have invited me and if I had declined then it would be another story. It just hurts that he went out of his way to not even invite me.

Tonight, out of the blue he said actually he wants me to come, he spoke to his friend and apparently by the time we get there most of the old guys will be gone. I am actually so putt off by the whole fiasco, I don't even want to attend anymore. I think he's only inviting me out of guilt. Am I being unreasonable for refusing to go to the party?

Voting Results
71% Normal
Based on 7 votes (5 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • Kevinevan

    You were upset that you weren't invited, then you got invited, now you're refusing to go? Have I got that about right?

    Poor guy.

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  • Ellenna

    If I were you I'd go to the party, but you also need to think about this relationship longterm. Can you cope with always being an outsider or do you think you can learn the language and fit in a bit more? Do they accept you or reject you because you're black?

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  • rayb12

    He needs a firm spanking

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  • Boojum

    He's had second-thoughts, and he's trying to make you happy, but you're sitting in the corner pouting because...

    Well, yeah, what is that _really_ about?

    His reasons seem perfectly logical to me, but you apparently don't accept them. Maybe you're afraid he's ashamed of you? Maybe you you feel he doesn't really want to be with you?

    If you can't figure out exactly why this upset you, and if you can't honestly discuss this with him, then you should be wondering what long-term future there is for you and him.

    From what you say about your situation, it sounds like it would be - to some extent - a case of you and him against the world if you were to marry. That's challenging enough if both people are totally on the same page, have the emotional maturity to fully understand their own feelings, and are able to deal with conflicts in a calm, rational way. If you're feeling bitter about a party invitation, that suggests none of those things apply.

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  • bob7

    I wouldnt invite you either , why would i ?

    For you to stand there and listen to them scream in korean and laugh while u just stand in the corner ?

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  • redrainbow22

    Dont take it personally.

    Maybe he didnt want the old guys to be pervin on you or something?

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