There is a lot you've said which is completely normal for someone (and I've been tested for it). For example, feeling abandoned when other friends are out having fun (jealousy), lack of identity, emptiness (darkness), paranoia. I will say I still don't know who I am (I'm in my early 20's) but I found at least some things which make me me, such as I am teetotal and that's the most important thing with me. Ask yourself questions like what would you do if you had to go on a deserted island but can only take one thing.
As for the darkness I've learnt to not let it in and just not give it the time of day, you just have to force yourself to think of something else more important,
As for the self harming and other emotional issues, while you're still young you can't be certain as your body learns what all these new hormones are and learns to control them or suppress them. I have a friend who definitely does have BPD and he sounds similar to you (e.g. like someone then hate them the next for no 'logical' reason). But he has lots of friends and we all care about him a lot. At this stage you may not have BPD per se, it may be something similar perhaps, or it may just be your emotions, only someone with experience can define it for you if you want to put a name to it. One thing is sure though - you are definitely not alone at all.
Borderline personality? Help!
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Sorry for not replying to you sooner.
There is a lot you've said which is completely normal for someone (and I've been tested for it). For example, feeling abandoned when other friends are out having fun (jealousy), lack of identity, emptiness (darkness), paranoia. I will say I still don't know who I am (I'm in my early 20's) but I found at least some things which make me me, such as I am teetotal and that's the most important thing with me. Ask yourself questions like what would you do if you had to go on a deserted island but can only take one thing.
As for the darkness I've learnt to not let it in and just not give it the time of day, you just have to force yourself to think of something else more important,
As for the self harming and other emotional issues, while you're still young you can't be certain as your body learns what all these new hormones are and learns to control them or suppress them. I have a friend who definitely does have BPD and he sounds similar to you (e.g. like someone then hate them the next for no 'logical' reason). But he has lots of friends and we all care about him a lot. At this stage you may not have BPD per se, it may be something similar perhaps, or it may just be your emotions, only someone with experience can define it for you if you want to put a name to it. One thing is sure though - you are definitely not alone at all.