Relationships; I go from loving someone to hating someone in a split second. I get insecure and jealous I feel as if I'm not loved as much as anyone one else and it makes me feel like shit.
Abandonment;
I easily think someone doesn't like me because e.g a friend is having time with another friend, ultimately I find someone to be friends wih other than that person. Sometimes whe in think someone is going to Hirt me I hurt them first and push them away.
IDENTITY;
I don't know who I am, or we're I fit in. I think I'm fat then I don't. I think I'm ugly and then I think I'm pretty. I har friends but I don't feel as if we are actually friends. I feel that I don't fit in when I do have a fair few friends. Sometimes I starve myself just to make myself different so I can like my self
4. Spending.
I self harm badly and think of suicide greatly and intensely, attempting once but almost again the other day.
My moods are frantic and serve, I can be uncontrollingly happy then angry. I feel very an deeply depressed, sad and overwhelmed. Every emotion or feeling I have is intense.
7 I always feel the chronic emptiness it's horrible.
8. I go into complete rage, fighting and screaming feelin like a totally different person, it makes me sad that I can't controll myself.
9. I get quite paranoid, sometimes I feel as there is something always watching me or as if a ghost is in my room or that I can feel a presents with me. I get do scared my heart races causing me to sweat badly.
There is a lot you've said which is completely normal for someone (and I've been tested for it). For example, feeling abandoned when other friends are out having fun (jealousy), lack of identity, emptiness (darkness), paranoia. I will say I still don't know who I am (I'm in my early 20's) but I found at least some things which make me me, such as I am teetotal and that's the most important thing with me. Ask yourself questions like what would you do if you had to go on a deserted island but can only take one thing.
As for the darkness I've learnt to not let it in and just not give it the time of day, you just have to force yourself to think of something else more important,
As for the self harming and other emotional issues, while you're still young you can't be certain as your body learns what all these new hormones are and learns to control them or suppress them. I have a friend who definitely does have BPD and he sounds similar to you (e.g. like someone then hate them the next for no 'logical' reason). But he has lots of friends and we all care about him a lot. At this stage you may not have BPD per se, it may be something similar perhaps, or it may just be your emotions, only someone with experience can define it for you if you want to put a name to it. One thing is sure though - you are definitely not alone at all.
15, and I know the usually don't diagnose under 18.
I was sexually abused for about 6 months when I was 7 (NOT by family) I did receive counselling, but I have had a pretty hectic life.
Also there is a family history of mental illness.
Then there is no way of knowing for sure until you are 18.
Psychiatrists are relcutant to diagnose teens with mental disorders because teens often suffer from hormone related mood swings, identity disassociation etc. as a normal part of being a teenager. BPD may intensify that, but overall, you may be a mentally sane person that just needs more counseling and for your hormones to calm down.
Borderline personality? Help!
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Relationships; I go from loving someone to hating someone in a split second. I get insecure and jealous I feel as if I'm not loved as much as anyone one else and it makes me feel like shit.
Abandonment;
I easily think someone doesn't like me because e.g a friend is having time with another friend, ultimately I find someone to be friends wih other than that person. Sometimes whe in think someone is going to Hirt me I hurt them first and push them away.
IDENTITY;
I don't know who I am, or we're I fit in. I think I'm fat then I don't. I think I'm ugly and then I think I'm pretty. I har friends but I don't feel as if we are actually friends. I feel that I don't fit in when I do have a fair few friends. Sometimes I starve myself just to make myself different so I can like my self
4. Spending.
I self harm badly and think of suicide greatly and intensely, attempting once but almost again the other day.
My moods are frantic and serve, I can be uncontrollingly happy then angry. I feel very an deeply depressed, sad and overwhelmed. Every emotion or feeling I have is intense.
7 I always feel the chronic emptiness it's horrible.
8. I go into complete rage, fighting and screaming feelin like a totally different person, it makes me sad that I can't controll myself.
9. I get quite paranoid, sometimes I feel as there is something always watching me or as if a ghost is in my room or that I can feel a presents with me. I get do scared my heart races causing me to sweat badly.
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iceneo
11 years ago
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NeuroNeptunian
11 years ago
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Sorry for not replying to you sooner.
There is a lot you've said which is completely normal for someone (and I've been tested for it). For example, feeling abandoned when other friends are out having fun (jealousy), lack of identity, emptiness (darkness), paranoia. I will say I still don't know who I am (I'm in my early 20's) but I found at least some things which make me me, such as I am teetotal and that's the most important thing with me. Ask yourself questions like what would you do if you had to go on a deserted island but can only take one thing.
As for the darkness I've learnt to not let it in and just not give it the time of day, you just have to force yourself to think of something else more important,
As for the self harming and other emotional issues, while you're still young you can't be certain as your body learns what all these new hormones are and learns to control them or suppress them. I have a friend who definitely does have BPD and he sounds similar to you (e.g. like someone then hate them the next for no 'logical' reason). But he has lots of friends and we all care about him a lot. At this stage you may not have BPD per se, it may be something similar perhaps, or it may just be your emotions, only someone with experience can define it for you if you want to put a name to it. One thing is sure though - you are definitely not alone at all.
How old are you?
Do you have any physical ailments?
We're you abused or neglected as a child?
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FairyUnicorn.23
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15, and I know the usually don't diagnose under 18.
I was sexually abused for about 6 months when I was 7 (NOT by family) I did receive counselling, but I have had a pretty hectic life.
Also there is a family history of mental illness.
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NeuroNeptunian
11 years ago
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Then there is no way of knowing for sure until you are 18.
Psychiatrists are relcutant to diagnose teens with mental disorders because teens often suffer from hormone related mood swings, identity disassociation etc. as a normal part of being a teenager. BPD may intensify that, but overall, you may be a mentally sane person that just needs more counseling and for your hormones to calm down.