because he said he doesn’t know what he was thinking and he just promised me. because i really don’t think he wants to loose me. but maybe i’m being naive and dumb
You want it to work out because leaving feels like choosing the bad alternative. You wanted to be with this guy obviously. Leaving him kind of feels like just another loss for you on top of his cheating, and admittedly it might not feel good.
The reality, however, is you are in the situation you are in. He doesn't care about your feelings. He cares that he was caught. The biggest issue for him is dealing with repercussions rather than the fact that you were hurt or that he needs to fix himself.
He always will, I'm afraid. I do mean always, too.
There's a certain breed of cheater that just genuinely does not have any issues with what they're doing whatsoever. They might not necessarily like that it hurts you but they tell themselves that what you don't know won't hurt you. Even then if it does end up hurting you, that's a not a big enough deal to prevent them from doing it again, over and over, even if they literally watch it destroy you.
They're called serial cheaters, and the truth is that they care about your feelings on what they see as a harmless act about the same amount as serial killers care about the feelings of their victims. Virtually zero.
And just like a killer caught red-handed, they may cry like a baby, put themselves down, hit themselves, etc., but they simply don't care. 50% of this is an act and the other 50% is their real sadness and frustration at having been caught, not remorse. See it enough and you'll see how it's all about how frustrated and pitiful they are, never that they're actually hurting over YOUR pain. They also try to make you feel emotionally abusive by supposedly making them sad or rubbing their mistakes in their face.
The truth is that you don't have a committed relationship to even walk away from. That part isn't up to you. Your choice is whether or not to continue hurting yourself over a guy who will never be exclusive with you, simply not in his DNA, or move on now. Most people who can't walk away ASAP do eventually walk away rather than giving the serial cheater their whole life, but only after putting themselves through it 4 or 5 times. You might as well move on now before you've been with this guy for years and it's even harder on you, because he's not going to stop cheating and he'll never even so much as WANT to.
yes. you’re right. i’m going to end it after we go on our trip this weekend. i have to confront him with the evidence i do have too, which is a hard part because i have no idea how i’m going to do it.
i just don’t understand why it had to happen now. for the first 6 months he wasn’t doing this. now he is. and maybe it is because he’s depressed and it makes him feel better but i’m not sure anymore. he just lies. and it’s heartbreaking
He probably always was. They do it more than they're caught for it. What are the chances you would catch him each time? Also sometimes they do stop for a while if they just don't feel like it or if they don't have any chances to, but it's never because they care about you and they always resume as soon as they feel like it and have a chance.
I doubt he's depressed but even if he was, he's scum if doing awful things actually helps his depression.
As for confronting him, just sit him down and tell him what you know.
bf gets mad at me when i bring up him cheating
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because he said he doesn’t know what he was thinking and he just promised me. because i really don’t think he wants to loose me. but maybe i’m being naive and dumb
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S0UNDS_WEIRD
2 years ago
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You want it to work out because leaving feels like choosing the bad alternative. You wanted to be with this guy obviously. Leaving him kind of feels like just another loss for you on top of his cheating, and admittedly it might not feel good.
The reality, however, is you are in the situation you are in. He doesn't care about your feelings. He cares that he was caught. The biggest issue for him is dealing with repercussions rather than the fact that you were hurt or that he needs to fix himself.
He will cheat again. I'm sorry.
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Anonymous Post Author
2 years ago
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yeah. just made a bumble profile and he matched with me. literally just left his house and he’s doing it again
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S0UNDS_WEIRD
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He always will, I'm afraid. I do mean always, too.
There's a certain breed of cheater that just genuinely does not have any issues with what they're doing whatsoever. They might not necessarily like that it hurts you but they tell themselves that what you don't know won't hurt you. Even then if it does end up hurting you, that's a not a big enough deal to prevent them from doing it again, over and over, even if they literally watch it destroy you.
They're called serial cheaters, and the truth is that they care about your feelings on what they see as a harmless act about the same amount as serial killers care about the feelings of their victims. Virtually zero.
And just like a killer caught red-handed, they may cry like a baby, put themselves down, hit themselves, etc., but they simply don't care. 50% of this is an act and the other 50% is their real sadness and frustration at having been caught, not remorse. See it enough and you'll see how it's all about how frustrated and pitiful they are, never that they're actually hurting over YOUR pain. They also try to make you feel emotionally abusive by supposedly making them sad or rubbing their mistakes in their face.
The truth is that you don't have a committed relationship to even walk away from. That part isn't up to you. Your choice is whether or not to continue hurting yourself over a guy who will never be exclusive with you, simply not in his DNA, or move on now. Most people who can't walk away ASAP do eventually walk away rather than giving the serial cheater their whole life, but only after putting themselves through it 4 or 5 times. You might as well move on now before you've been with this guy for years and it's even harder on you, because he's not going to stop cheating and he'll never even so much as WANT to.
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yes. you’re right. i’m going to end it after we go on our trip this weekend. i have to confront him with the evidence i do have too, which is a hard part because i have no idea how i’m going to do it.
i just don’t understand why it had to happen now. for the first 6 months he wasn’t doing this. now he is. and maybe it is because he’s depressed and it makes him feel better but i’m not sure anymore. he just lies. and it’s heartbreaking
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S0UNDS_WEIRD
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He probably always was. They do it more than they're caught for it. What are the chances you would catch him each time? Also sometimes they do stop for a while if they just don't feel like it or if they don't have any chances to, but it's never because they care about you and they always resume as soon as they feel like it and have a chance.
I doubt he's depressed but even if he was, he's scum if doing awful things actually helps his depression.
As for confronting him, just sit him down and tell him what you know.