Bf doesn’t like to talk about our relationship problems

My bf and I have been together for about a year now but lately things have been different. We’ve been fighting about the stupidest shit at least twice a week for a few months now. I know these little insignificant arguments are probably related to a bigger picture, but everytime I try to get down to the bottom of it, he never wants to talk about or give any type of insight about how he feels about it. It’s really fucking annoying.

I know most of our relationship problems are mainly caused by a lack of communication but somehow I can’t convince him that it is indeed the case. He’s really fucking stubborn when it comes to the simplest shit. When I ask him to tell me all the things that he has a problem with, his response is usually “I’m not gonna tell you, you should be able to figure it out”… like wtf

Couples therapy literally exists because of shit like that IMO, why is it so impossible for him to tell me? The more I push him, the more upset he’ll get. He feels that him telling me is a ‘cheat sheet’. That I should try to be more understanding, but how the fuck am I supposed to understand if he never explains. He can never be direct with me.

I know we’re both somewhat unhappy in this relationship now, but we used to be great and I’m sure we can get back to that. When it’s good, it’s really good, but that good never lasts that long.

I’m just really trying to save this relationship before I completely give up on it, any advice would be appreciated.

Is It Normal?
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 5 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • Using things like blowjobs or baking something tasty as a reward for getting the information you want might work. At least it always works for me, when a girl offers me either a blowjob or a baked good she made with her own hands I will do almost anything for her. Sexual favors and homemade food works on most people, my GF def appreciated the cupcakes I made for her and her family, sex also works when I want to talk to her about something but mostly afterward.

    I guess you could try to be more physically affectionate while asking him to let him know you are not trying to fight, that you are not angry and just want to sort things out. He could just be scared you started to dislike him or feel like you two are going to fight again when you ask him.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • I think you should just break up. It would save you a lot of trouble to just get out of it, besides he needs to learn that his refusal to cooperate and communicate actually gets consequences. Maybe hes even intentionally emotionally abusive and dont really want you to figure out the "solution". You can not expect people to just read your mind

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Just start grabbing his dick more often. This can solve so many relationship problems.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • There are a lot of potential reasons for the behavior you describe; and it's impossible for anyone to really guess at which one it is.

    However, let's change the subject and try to see if opening this subject up and working on it leads to opening up on other things.

    Love. I take it that you both have said you love each other; at the same time you may be feeling that you don't feel loved by the other (and the other issues are getting in the way).

    Most people have not really figured out the love game on their own.

    I suggest that you get 2 copies of "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. If you are teenagers and not yet adults then get the version written for teenagers.

    Tell him that you would like to be able to love him better and to feel more love from him... and that the book will help (and it virtually certainly will).

    He should at least be interested in that aspect of your relationship.

    Now each of you are likely going to read at different rate, and that is OK as long as you both make steady progress.

    After you both get far enough in the book you can start talking about each others love language, and what you need from the other. Don't rush it... let him get well past that section before you bring it up.

    Also, its common for people to have a mix of 2 or 3 different love languages (and a few have 4 or even a balance of all 5).

    This should get him working with you to improve your relationship in at least one area.

    Often once the other party sees how effective this is, they are more willing to work on other areas (and there are books on about all the things that can be issues, not to mention counselors).

    I wish you the best with this. At a minimum you will learn a lot.

    Both my wife and I learned before we got married why virtually all of our past relationships failed when we read the book, and we saw that there was a real chance of making it work.

    Unfortunately, if he refuses to read the book I'm not sure how much of a future your relationship has. But, at least you will have tried and will have learned something.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Maybe he's a straight up punk ass biatch?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
Add A Comment