Been 3 years but can't get over my stupid what if fear

8 Comments

I might sound weird but yea I do have some stupid fears. 3 years ago i got myself into a relationship. I was totally numb then because my father died few months before then. So that time my ex (we are over now) used to comfort me and help me with my grief but at the same time he used to tell me to get undressed on the video call. I should have refuse but i couldn't because i didn't know what to say or do. I used to do whatever he told me to do. He used to take me to some places to touch me. after 3/4 moths I broke up with him as I found him cheating on me. But those events became my trauma. Whenever I remember any of those situation i starts shaking and end up having panic attack. Because I was numb and had no idea what I was doing. I got normal after a year. After getting normal i started having panic attacks. It's been 3 years we broke up but still I think WHAT IF HE TOOK SCREENSHOT OF MY UNDRESSED BODY AND WHAT IF HE LEAKS IT ON INTERNET OR SHOWS IT TO MY FRIENDS. It has become my biggest fear. Everytime my ex sends my friend requests or message requests i fear what if I don't accept and harms me with the pictures if he has it. It has become my biggest fear which is pulling me back from making any progress in my life. I NEED HELP TO OVERCOME THIS STUPID FEAR! BUT HOW?! I want to breathe peacefully being fearless and strong.

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Comments ( 8 )
  • sweetone89
    1 year ago

    In some states, that is illegal. It is called "revenge porn" and if he ever did it, he could get charged with a crime.

    However, think always of Boojum's advice.

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  • olderdude-xx
    1 year ago

    If it's still bothering you after this amount of time... then I suggest that you seek out a counselor that you can work with on this issue.

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  • Boojum
    1 year ago

    I think the problem here is that - unlike much "what if" catastrophising - what you fear isn't fundamentally irrational. It does happen, and if the guy was enough a scumbag to cheat on you, it's possible he might be enough of an asshat to have taken screen shots and he just might share those pictures.

    But, on the other hand, you don't say anything about you doing explicitly sexual stuff during the video calls. That suggests you just let him see your breasts and perhaps your pubic area. Would it really be the end of the world if someone else saw that? Americans (which I assume you are) can be incredibly prudish and Puritanical, but there are literally millions of pictures of naked women on the internet, beaches in the summer have loads of women showing everything apart from three tiny areas, and celebrities are constantly pushing the boundaries of how much of their bodies they expose. Like it or loathe it, that's the culture we live in now. A low-definition screenshot of yet another naked woman really isn't a huge deal these days.

    Lots of places these days have laws about revenge porn. I suspect that you might be able to begin to gain some control over your fear by looking into the rules which apply where you live. You know exactly who _might_ have these images, and it sounds like you're still in some sort of occasional contact with him. You can't take control of those images (if they exist), but you can control what you'd do if you discovered that he'd passed them to someone else. Sorting out a plan for the specific actions you'd take if the worst should ever happen might allow you to begin to feel that you're not completely powerless and a victim-in-waiting.

    Also, if your ex is in your extended circle of friends/acquaintances and there's someone else in that group whom you completely trust and who is also fairly close to him, you might consider telling that person about your fears. It would be a bit tricky for them to do a little low-key investigating about whether the guy does have screenshots of you without tipping him off that you're kinda obsessed about this possibility, but they might be able to pull it off.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      1 year ago

      I don't have enough words to thank you. But thank you from the bottom of my heart. you helped me to think clearly. I might take some steps for this fear.
      Yeah I've talked with my ex like a year ago. he called me nowhere so he was asking about myself and stuffs. So i was like do you have any kind of pictures of mine. he said he doesn't have any and if he has he will never harm me. so i was like what would he mean by that? tho i don't trust him but he seemed so nice to me. but still i fostered hate and fear for him. Maybe I'll take some steps.

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  • wtfiswrongwithyall
    1 year ago

    me too 😕 we’ll get thru this

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      1 year ago

      You too? Like what's up with you?

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      • wtfiswrongwithyall
        1 year ago

        just know ur safe n its all in ur head no matter how basic that sounds

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  • Orphan
    1 year ago

    I'm never having sex again

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