My main reason for starting to drink was things that were weighing me down. Without alcohol, I kept thinking about these things. Then I kept going to my regular pub and had great conversations that distracted me and kept having pitchers of alcohol. I was in a great mood, although I often snapped and started one or two fights.
After my ex left me and Covid raged in this country everything went down the drain. I drank more and more and withdrew. The fact that my alcohol consumption was visible at some point frustrated me even more.
But to answer your question: without alcohol, I can hardly work, face my friends or sleep. When I stop, I feel an unbelievable terror. It feels like something is eating me up from the inside, occupying me. It communicates with me. If I stop drinking, it will come and get me.
Now, once accepted, I'm almost certain it was this one "unhealthy" incident with that guy I have always repressed. I'm afraid to let it happen so I keep on numbing myself. Does that make any sense? I can't think straight right now.
I tried again and again but it wasn't taken seriously, so I changed therapists. I don't even try any more. They all think that I could have fought back and that it's my fault. That I wanted it myself.
What the actual fuck. I would recommend you see a therapist who deals with sexual violence specifically. Those therapists sound like they were abusive if I'm honest. I'm so sorry that was your experience. I believe you <3
At what level of alcohol consumption is one a real alcoholic?
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My main reason for starting to drink was things that were weighing me down. Without alcohol, I kept thinking about these things. Then I kept going to my regular pub and had great conversations that distracted me and kept having pitchers of alcohol. I was in a great mood, although I often snapped and started one or two fights.
After my ex left me and Covid raged in this country everything went down the drain. I drank more and more and withdrew. The fact that my alcohol consumption was visible at some point frustrated me even more.
But to answer your question: without alcohol, I can hardly work, face my friends or sleep. When I stop, I feel an unbelievable terror. It feels like something is eating me up from the inside, occupying me. It communicates with me. If I stop drinking, it will come and get me.
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RoseIsabella
1 year ago
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Yes, but the question is what is your boogeyman.
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Anonymous Post Author
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Now, once accepted, I'm almost certain it was this one "unhealthy" incident with that guy I have always repressed. I'm afraid to let it happen so I keep on numbing myself. Does that make any sense? I can't think straight right now.
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RoseIsabella
1 year ago
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I'm to hear that happened to you. Have you ever spoken to a therapist?
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Anonymous Post Author
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I tried again and again but it wasn't taken seriously, so I changed therapists. I don't even try any more. They all think that I could have fought back and that it's my fault. That I wanted it myself.
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Curiouskitten444
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What the actual fuck. I would recommend you see a therapist who deals with sexual violence specifically. Those therapists sound like they were abusive if I'm honest. I'm so sorry that was your experience. I believe you <3