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I've been married to a very sexy, fit woman who i love for 16 years. We are high school sweethearts. She is more conservative than i am. I've been obsessed with watching her kiss, fondle, have sex with another woman or man. She insists all fantasy is fine but she will never do this...ever. Do I ....
I don't know? Is losing your wife of 16 years (who you presumably love) worth the chance (which is far from certain, considering your age) of finding someone who will enact your fantasies for you? Is your relationship worth less than one fantasy?
Keep trying to persuade her if you like but I seriously doubt she'll ever change her mind. Respect her right to choose what she does and forget persuading her.
Cheat on her and expect her to divorce you. Even if divorce is the alternative, cheating is still not the compassionate option. Don't cheat.
What most people do when their partners have different sexual fantasies is what your wife suggests: leave it as a fantasy. I would suggest accepting it and masturbating.
Losing an amazing wife over a fantasy is stupid on so many levels. You will hugely regret that decision when you are all alone and have nothing but your hand. Why don't you just get off on Lesbian porn? Alot of women aren't willing to have sex or play with another woman... I don't really feel that makes her conservative.
If this is the only sexual difference and you and your wife are sexually compatible in other aspects (e.g. frequency of sex, she does not refuse you when you want to have sex, she does not refuse the sexual activities which you want to have with her, she fulfills your other fantasies etc...and this fantasy of watching her with another person is the only thing she refuses), then I would probably accept it. If there were more differences which troubled you, then it would be a different story...
"Accept it and masturbate "
You've known her for 16 years... so it's not as if you didn't know what she was like before now.
If you've already communicated your desires and she's not into it, then you have to decide what you value more - your orgasm or how much you say you love her.
Let me suggest something that brought my wife of 30+ years to life sexually. I sent her a copy of "My Secret Garden" by Nancy Friday on pdf and asked if she would be open to exploring it with me. Everyday she would send an emai that expressed the fantasies that she could relate to commenting on them. I in return would comment back to her on those as well as on the ones that had caught my attention. I don't expect that we will act on any of these, but it has been incredible the number of them that we can create by play acting. The other real upside is that we have went from having sex 1-2 times every couple of days to everyday and sometimes more than once in a day.