Are all guys like this?

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27 Comments

I normally criticize long stories but please hear me out!
Well, I was reading a story on here (IIN) about cuddling and it got me thinking. Whenever my boyfriend and I cuddle..or do anything for that matter.. it ALWAYS leads to sex. Why can't we cuddle just to cuddle??

We're always fighting because I feel like we're not a normal couple who can just cuddle and leave it at that. Everything with him has to be sexual. And the times that I don't give in, he gets mad..we ignore eachother..and then ten minutes later he's trying to initiate it again! It's a cycle! I can't ask for a massage without him getting hard. Does anyone know what's wrong with this kid??

Couples should be able to show affection towards eachother without it always leading to sex, right? WE CAN'T! We're the one odd couple who can not do that.

We've been together for over two years and have the most beautiful baby boy together and he knows how tired I am all the time (being a stay at home mom is no joke!), but no matter what excuse I give him I always end up giving in. It's stupid I know, but I feel like he will not hear anything I say unless we bang first because that's all that's on his mind so he won't hear me otherwise. And also, he's currently not working and sleeps like all the time while I'm running around like a maniac being the best mom I can while he just sits around stressing everybody out and being a lazy shit.

Whew. Anyway, is it normal for guys to be unable to focus on anything until they get what they want?

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 27 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • dom180
    11 years ago | pl

    A lot of guys don't get the point of cuddling. If you keep giving him sex after, he'll obviously associate cuddling with sex and he'll expect sex. If you don't give it to him every time, he should stop expecting it.

    Put simply, he is only so fixated on sex because you let him have it even when you don't really want to. If you stop giving it to him, he'll stop seeing sex as a right and start seeing it as a treat. He might not like it at first though :/

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    • BurnaBaby27
      11 years ago | pl

      Hmm, I understand :/. And you're right.

      I didn't have a problem with it before, but after I had our baby it became an issue. I feel like I've matured a lot and he hasn't. I don't want to have sex ALL the time. I get tired quicker and it's not like I can sleep all day even if I wanted to. I have another life to take care of now.

      Half the time I just do it so he'll focus. Beforehand, any and everything I do or say turns into something sexual. I don't know how to reverse his thinking :/.

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  • Terence_the_viking
    11 years ago | pl

    HAHA you think it's only men my wife is like this i go to give her a hug and she starts sucking me off and expects me too lick. I love it when she gives me a BJ but sometimes i am so tired and jizz in her mouth so she leaves me alone

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  • DolphinAngel
    11 years ago | pl

    Hmm many guys just want sex... But there are guys who just love to cuddle and don't need to have sex everytime!

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  • sorealsotrue
    11 years ago | pl

    I could tell easy y'all were young reading some of your words but that not bad.It really better bc you both have time to grow more.I might have hit a button but I was just being truthful.I was just trying to let u see other ways since it kind of look like u was hammering him a little bit.Nothing u said good about him but I'm not going back to that.

    Yeah u asked a question but your words let me know its more to it than u might think.I see I hit a button.Look I work in field and ive been though some of it myself.I wasn't trying to upset u I'm just be truthful.I won't comment again just trying to help u see another side bc really women can't answer this.

    He's young...eighteen and yes 95% of them stay horny.He at he sexual peak but he still needs to know its shouldnt be all about sex.With you u need to know how to express yourself to him.

    Just food for thought so I won't comment again.........

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    • BurnaBaby27
      11 years ago | pl

      I did say nice things about him if you read my other comments to others.

      He's 20, he's not 18.

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  • sorealsotrue
    11 years ago | pl

    You took his virginity that's at lot of the problem...for you.Plus you both sound very young to to me.I hope this problem didn't get happen after the baby.I see a lot of problems in your reply.You say your a single mom in every since of the word(thats bad).Your not a single mom if you have the father in the babys life.Its sound like he live with you I hope I'm wrong.You say he don't know what he's doing but he tries that could be the root of the whole problem.Who would want to have sex with someone who's not helping out. I don't know if he's just that bad of a father or if your just so over protective since its BOTH y'all of your baby.Why not help him be a better father instead of shaddowing him as you say

    You feel pressured to have sex and feel u need to hold your ground(that's bad).Its a few things if you feel the need to hold back sex instead of talking first,coming from from a loyal man that's not wise.He could feel the rejection then turn he sex drive elsewhere.You said sex is a big part of the relationship but (u feel) it shouldn't be as much.I just hope you express yourself without fight when you get your point out to him.

    Also there's wwaayyyy to many I's & Me's in your reply but no Us's or We's (also a problem).

    This I just my opinion!!! I hope everything works out for you!

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    • BurnaBaby27
      11 years ago | pl

      Well we are young, I'll be 19 in a few weeks and he's 20. I won't comment on every thing you said because I've already shared too much than I should have and there's way more that I could share, but it's not everyone's business.
      I was simply asking one question.

      I will comment on the fact that you said there were too many I's and me's in my reply. I am completely self-less. I put everyone before myself and this is why I'm choosing to focus on myself in my replies. I think it's time I give myself some thought. I've never put myself first, ever. I don't intend to, but maybe second after my baby because I need to take care of myself before I can take care of anyone, right?

      I do appreciate everyone's advice and time though. Thank you!

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago | pl

    i think some men see sex as a kind of therapy, like when they are depressed/sad/feeling not worthy etc. you say yr man is not working , maybe he is feeling bad about this, of course men love sex and why not but his insistant need for sex all the time could be something deeper, lots of men need to feel they make a difference and work fills this, the comradship of other men and the pride of providing. anyhow just thinking, i am no expert but good luck

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    • BurnaBaby27
      11 years ago | pl

      I see what you're saying. He just recently has been out of work though and he's been this way since I took his virginity .__. .

      Hopefully we'll be able to talk about this soon without it turning into an argument. Thank you!

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  • sorealsotrue
    11 years ago | pl

    Man it funny to see how many women feel they know how men think....Point blank if you are in a real relationgship u should be willing to do what make each other happen cooking,spending time together,sex or what ever it is.Cudding shouldn't alway lead to sex but u should been able to show your care.Maybe he really turn on by u.U had a baby but is shouldn't be a sheld from sex or a excuse not to have sex.Yes it should be times when u can hug,hold hands,and cuddle without leading to sex but coming from a man it NEVER a good idea to hold sex trust me so u can listen to all these women if u want.If u hold back from him make sure u hold your anger when he cheats on you because you don't want to give him no pussy when u should.Sex is a part of a relationship if u really care for them its not the biggest part but could if u stop doing what u alway been doing.Now with the baby he should understand your body need rest so if its that bad u need to talk to him and tell him what makes happy.I've been in my relationship 9yrs there's always going to be give and take (IF) you want to be happy.What's better having a horny boyfriend who turned on by u or a single mom because y'all broke up or sex only u can answer that question.

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    • BurnaBaby27
      11 years ago | pl

      I don't think everyone's saying hold back sex for good, I think they're saying that if I don't want to do it, I shouldn't feel pressured to do so and that I should stand my ground when I say no.

      Sex is a huge part of our relationship. I understand it should be important, but I feel like it's way more important than it should be.

      I'm not using our baby as an excuse. The fact that I feel like I work hard as a mom (being a GOOD stay at home mom is a full-time job and then some) and he isn't working or doing much of anything means that he has way more energy than I do. After sex when most people just want to pass out, he can while I can't because I'm taking care of the baby and he has no clue what he's doing as a father. He tries, but I feel like I have to shadow him, to make sure he's not fucking things up.

      I am a single mom in every sense of the word. I'm not married yet, I do everything for my wonderful baby.

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  • ygrowup
    11 years ago | pl

    Yes it's normal, only time or counseling can fix this! Good luck with our choices

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  • xxMiss-Curiousxx
    11 years ago | pl

    Well im with my fella just over a yr and we cuddle a lot. He rarely tries anything if we are cuddling and if he does and i say stop to him he just says "ok will just cuddle" and he does get horny easily so its not that hes got a low sex drive or anything. You two should be able to cuddle without sex maybe have a serious chat with him about it.

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    • BurnaBaby27
      11 years ago | pl

      Lucky!
      We should be able to, but it just never happens and I'm getting reeeally sick of it. Like I said above, we try to have a civilized conversation about something and we end up fighting. And since we're both so stubborn, we just butt heads and the problem never gets solved. I think we need to go to relationship counseling or something, haha

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  • Chillpill
    11 years ago | pl

    I was with a guy like that. All kissing, hugging and cuddling led to sex for him. It was weird for me, too because I like to be physically close to someone in a relationship, but apart from sex he just wasn't interested in that. He was a bit of a womanizer, though and had some kind of commitment and emotional unavailability issues. I'm not saying that any of this is the case with your bf, just that I can understand your frustrations. Maybe you need to talk to him about it and explain how it makes you feel.

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    • BurnaBaby27
      11 years ago | pl

      Thank you for your advice. Even though it's not a good feeling, It's nice to know I'm not the only woman who has felt like this. That guy sounds like an ass. My boyfriend is an ass in a sense lol, but he's also a good guy with a kind heart.

      Every time I try to tell him how I feel about this, it always turns into an argument and then we wind off waaay off topic. We're both really stubborn -_-.

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  • Shackleford96
    11 years ago | pl

    Aren't couples supposed to cuddle AFTER sex?

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    • BurnaBaby27
      11 years ago | pl

      Yeah, but couples cuddle just to cuddle as well.

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      • Shackleford96
        11 years ago | pl

        Yeah, I would definitely do that. I'm not being sarcastic either.

        In this case though, it might be better for them to cuddle afterwards so that the guy won't be too distracted due to being aroused.

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        • BurnaBaby27
          11 years ago | pl

          I would love to just cuddle! It gives females a sense of closeness that I'm not sure too many guys understand. It's comforting.

          And what you said makes sense, but the thing is, I get so angry with him and myself knowing that I gave in yet again that most of the time I don't even want him to touch me afterwards. I just want to be left alone. I bet I sound crazy as hell lol

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  • equanimity
    11 years ago | pl

    Gosh, I wish I had a guy like that. :P

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