Are all guys like this?

36% Normal

Are all guys like this in their 20-somethings? I've been finding out a lot that during their 20s, they gotta be selfish in order to accomplish everything such as securing a job and traveling. For girls yes this is true too but it looks like girls still wouldn't mind balancing out their life and having someone there. We tend to want to feel some type of emotional comfort and support while going through this age. Guys on the other hand, are serious when they say "leave me alone let me do me right now." They won't think twice about having a relationship especially when they know they can't handle both. I get why this is a good idea but for the other person it can make an impact. I've with this guy who's 26 and I'm 22 and he's really trying to pursue himself right now which is why ahead of time he said he doesn't want a relationship. I didn't either since I just got out of a relationship but because I liked him so much, I couldn't help but want more. I was in denial. I thought I knew what I wanted but this whole time I've been wanting to be serious with him which is why I've gotten hurt so many times. I wish he can be with me seriously and understand that I will be there for him, support him like I have been, and not try to distract him at all as I am also pursuing myself too. Yeah I have been clingy but because we weren't in a relationship so I would try to hold on and make sure he was mine and we were fine. If we were in a relationship, I wouldn't have had to do that. So what can I do for everyone to be happy? Both of us pursuing our dreams together. That would be the best thing. But since we are rocky right now, plan b is to go our separate ways, and arrange that we'll be together in the future. That would be if everything was perfect. Or I even wanna ask him what kind of girl is he looking for? because I thought I knew and I was a good fit, but I've seen him interested in different types of girls that now I have no idea. I know there's plenty of fish in the sea, but idk its gonna be hard to find someone like him again or better. He has raised my standards so if the guy I meet doesn't satisfy y expectations, I'm not gonna give him a chance. Thats just how I feel now and it sucks cause there could be really awesome guys I meet but then hell pop in my head and I'll start comparing. So until I find someone better than him and who gave me that feeling, I'll always want him.

Voting Results

36% Normal

Based on 22 votes (8 yes)

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Comments ( 15 )

[Old Memory]

9 years ago | pl

I wouldn't stereotype that all anybody is like anything, but this is extremely common and I'm the same way.

People need to focus on themselves before they should think about tending to others. You also sound extremely needy.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  I guess I have come off that way but only because he leaves me hanging a lot. My ex would've loved seeing me like this but because he was very hands on unlike this one, there wasn't a reason for me to be needy.
  
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KeddersPrincess

9 years ago

It sounds to me like they want to figure out life first and take care of their priorities before entering a relationship. I wouldn't call it selfish. I'd call it smart. Don'tmean to be an asshole but, honestly, you sound like the selfish one.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  When I said "selfish" I didn't mean it in a bad way. I know it has a negative connotation to it but thats what they call it now when you're trying to do you in a good way, though.
  
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NormL.

9 years ago

sorry to have to be the one....
and who knows, maybe this is wrong....
but this looks like a clear case of two people viewing their "relationship" in entirely different ways - different worlds even.
Either:
-he's married or previously attached and things are working out better now so he's spending more time with her again,
-you are a nice person enough person that he doesn't want to hurt so he is letting you down easy, but he's just not that into you,
or....

-you are only telling half the story, and have shown signs that make him afraid you will go psycho or suicidal were you to find out that either of the other likely cases were true.

my money is on the ubiquitous D. All of the above

...not in a bad way, you are lucky he's trying to be nice about it. Many guys are assholes and would just try to see you both/draw out the sex even if he knows he has no emotional attachment for as long as possible. count your blessings, get a checkup at the free clinic, and find a poor sucker YOU aren't really into at a bar one night (ONE ONLY), and use him to help you get over this and help you thicken up your skin a little bit, so you don't put yourself in such a position of giving up your power to someone who neither wants nor deserves it.

then schmoogle up a hardcore bdsm porn movie called something about a bathroom starring irons, stern, and leash. you should get enough different free highkight clips to see most of the entire movie for free streaming with no download. PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO THE DIALOGUE OF THE BACKSTORY.
Good luck.

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Dr.Moe_Lester

9 years ago

as men grow older we need to be a bit more selfish to sustain OURSELVES. But I'm not so greedy. Personally my job is drawing and selling my art :/ or my day job... *Perverted Laughter*

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  Yeah but he wasn't looking for a relationship for sure. He always put his work and school first which is kool but it would've been nice if he once chose me because he liked me that much.
  
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  - Dr.Moe_Lester
    
    9 years ago
    
    Eh, What can ya do? Let him go on his own journey, Even join him if you want. Personally, I'm not the best when it comes to relationships and social things... All I know is that we men are strange and perverted creatures and we follow the stars, Like the lowly dung beetle.
    
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ilovetoiletrolls

9 years ago

Sounds like just this guy, I only met a handful of men as you describe and they're jerks.

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Fall_leaves

9 years ago

I have someone in my life like that, we carved out a place and time in the future. We're still part of eachothers lives just through letters and late night phone calls. When we're together it makes sense, even if no one else understands.

Other than him wanting to pursue himself have there been other reasons for you not to be together?

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  I can't think of any other reasons why we're not together but I def have other reasons why we've had our ups and downs. I mean idk if it has to do with the fact that his main priority is himself but he lacks effort like usual guys when communicating and expressing themselves. For ex, they probably don't realize they haven't talked to their girl for a few days and for her that's kind of a big deal. Just because they don't realize it, doesn't mean it can't be changed.
  I wish we can do that, tho. Make sure we are loyal to each other while we're off to doing our own things.
  
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  - Fall_leaves
    
    9 years ago
    
    Yeah I wanted that too but if we're not together, I don't expect him to stay faithful. We're pursuing our lives and staying friends but it's not a commitment right now, it's just a future we're working towards.
    
    Try giving him space and focus on yourself. He'll either miss you or we won't, if he does then maybe there is something worth holding on to. You'll miss him but if he's unsure about how he feels about you then maybe space is the best thing, it will give him time to process his feelings and if he does miss you then let him come to you.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      I am kind of doing that now but this time I walked away without even letting him know. I sort of just disappeared and want to see if he even notices and cares and if he does, like you said, he'll come to me. But like I said, I kind of know where I stand now and like you said, as long as he is not my bf he won't be faithful. So I have considered texting him first to hang out and condition myself to not take it as serious as before. Because in the end, I just want his company and I'll try not to act so clingy especially we only have a few more days living in the same city. After I am moving away like 2 hrs away so even if we stay talking, who knows if itll grow and we'll see each other again. So considering that too, idk if its a good idea to text him first now.
      
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      - Fall_leaves
        
        9 years ago
        
        If you're both from the same city I'm sure you'll go back and visit friends and family and you can see him then. It doesn't mean you have to lose contact with him, he can visit you too.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        9 years ago
        
        I'm actually going back home. I was here for school and now its time to go back home but he's staying here. So ya...I feel like moving will make it easier to move on but ideally I woulve liked to stay in touch and arrange something in the future.
        
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