Am i overreacting?

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I feel like sometimes I may be a little overreactive to things. I'm female, and we all know the stereotype for females in a relationship is to get worked up over the smallest and most insignificant thing. I've even chided myself before because I know that I've flipped out in past relationships over stupid things. But I feel like this time, I actually have reason. But I'm not sure if I do or not. Main question: Is it normal for me to feel this way about the situation I am about to lay out for you? And if it is, would my concerns for my relationship turning abusive be justified?

I've been off and on again dating a guy for the past 7 years. We've known each other since high school. I've been the only person that has stood by him and supported him since day one. I feel the main reason we have so many problems is that he doesn't put effort into our relationship i.e. I'm always the one who calls, texts, makes plans to see him and so forth. Whenever I try to explain that I need him to call me or make plans he says that I dont give him credit for anything he does(which if i tell him to call he'll tell me to just text him) and in my eyes that just seems like he'll talk but only at his own convenience. Today happens to be valentines day and we live in different time zones at the moment so when I woke up I texted him to tell him happy Vday and I got no response. So I waited around till about 3pm his time to see if he was ever going to call or anything(which he didnt) and I got upset. So I called him and we started to argue about how it was stupid for me to expect a call from him and how I blow everything up more than it has to be. But in my opinion there are TWO people in a relationship so that means BOTH people should be trying to call,text do whatever it takes to make things work. And when one person calls and explains why they are upset to not get yelled at and talked down to about things.If I'm wrong and just being crazy please tell me.

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 4 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • dowhatyoudo
    9 years ago | pl

    You are NOT overreacting. He is abusing you. It's one of the worst things he can do by saying that you're "just blowing it out of proportion" because he's denying the importance of how you feel, denying the importance of YOU. If you feel bad, that's the truth, you letting him know you're upset is exactly what you should do, it is ridiculous for him to think that you would just suffer in silence, you deserve happiness and love! Don't settle for this mistreatment. You should take time for yourself, meet new people, realize just how much more you deserve than what he is giving you because by the sound of it you are a caring, compassionate and insightful person. It's hard to let go of what you are used to but it could open up a whole new world to you.

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  • RLRMD
    13 years ago | pl

    Establishing or maintaining a relationship based on reciprocity with an indiviudal who makes plain their absence of initiative and effort is a clear indication that you're being taken for granted. You have demonstrated such reliability and dedication that it requires no efforts to retain you. This is a common frame of reference for many couples and sometimes can last years to avoid pain before the extent of the disparity is extreme enough to cause insight.

    You're seeking a level of commitment from a historical rather than contemporary frame of mind. You have but one life and absolutely nothing is worth the expense of hoping to gain reciprocity where none is evident. Time to move on.

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  • Jen118584
    13 years ago | pl

    He just sounds lazy and apathetic. The question you should really be asking yourself is why you are putting so much effort into this relationship when you're not getting much in return.

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  • leahquestions
    13 years ago | pl

    Long distance relationships don't normally work. You don't need to call him and yell at him for not calling. If he doesn't respond to you then ignore it and be patient.There are givers and takers in this world , is this what you want because you can't change him. Start dating other people and if wants you he'll call.. Stop chasing him... maybe he'll start calling you if not then you are better off without him.

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