I have gone through very long phases of this. I found like you it was bothering me.
2 things have given me peace.
The first was accepting rationally that regardless of what death is, the anxiety I feel is different than death. And there are ways of responding to death other than anxiety. The anxiety does not have any effect on whether I die or not.
The second was to say I was going to take as much time as I needed just to not judge and think about death. So I was owning the thoughts, rather than them being intrusive to me, and if my mind wandered I would intentionally start thinking about death more, until I kind of wore myself out about it.
Death is scary, and it is great to be able to really feel that fear and that sadness, and to own those emotions. This way they come and go, but are not shocking or unfamiliar.
Am I normal for doing this
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I have gone through very long phases of this. I found like you it was bothering me.
2 things have given me peace.
The first was accepting rationally that regardless of what death is, the anxiety I feel is different than death. And there are ways of responding to death other than anxiety. The anxiety does not have any effect on whether I die or not.
The second was to say I was going to take as much time as I needed just to not judge and think about death. So I was owning the thoughts, rather than them being intrusive to me, and if my mind wandered I would intentionally start thinking about death more, until I kind of wore myself out about it.
Death is scary, and it is great to be able to really feel that fear and that sadness, and to own those emotions. This way they come and go, but are not shocking or unfamiliar.