Am i normal

I met my stepdaughter about 14 yrs. ago when she was 25. She is now 39, married, and has a child. Her husband was an alchoholic for 10yrs. and noboby in the family likes him.

She and I have been great friends (even my wife had said it) for the last 6 or 7 years, exchanging e-mails at her work place. Slowly I began to fall in love with her. It's not that she is a ravishing beauty. She has a unique look and a beautiful personality. I can hardly look at her now, or hear her voice on the telephone, without getting a warm rush of affection. Sexual interest is not the primary driver, and I have never even kissed her, except maybe on the cheek.

Recently at a family get together she showed me an unusual amount of affection (on four occassions--kissed me on the cheek, rubbed her leg against mine on the couch, blew an extremely warm kiss across the room, gave me an extra long hug as I was leaving). I was convinced that she felt the same way for me. I had just had my monthly testosterone shot, and was feeling excessively charged from a romantic point of view. Several days later, I made a rash decision and e-mailed her and told her how I felt. She never responded but called my wife and sent her the e-mails, while she was visiting my other step-daughter. Now, I am the DOG of the family! Everybody knows! It never occurred to me that she would do such a thing, and I feel angry and betrayed about it. It seems to me that she should have talked to me first, or sent me a simple e-mail telling me I was "off base". I have never cheated on my wife. My wife and I are now seeing a marriage counselor. But I still feel love in my heart for my stepdaughter. But it is not like she is the "other woman" and I can cut it off completely. She is family, and my wife thinks that I should just "suck it up" and take the humiliation like a man at family get-togethers. What do you think?