Am i insane? iin?
I am 17 years old, I have aspergers and OCD syndrome (The OCD is self diagnosed) and I have a list of things I do in my mind that I think might not be normal. Here's a list of the things.
1. Even though my native tounge isn't English I still think to myself in English a lot of the time, especially after watching American media. I am good at writing English but I am terrible at speaking it since I'm not used to it but I still think in it sometimes.
2. I think about these scenarios in my head for hours when I can't sleep, such as "What would I do if I could become invisible?". A popular one is "What would I do if I could relive my life from kindergarden but with this brain?", that means that I live my life again but I still remember my past life so if I get to do this I know that when I was 17 in 2013 I got this "wish" fullfilled or something and that I still have the same personality and talents as now. I sometimes start to think that it's real and then I get a little deppressed when I realise it's not real. This also makes me dream about it sometimes so when I wake up I get sad because it isn't true.
3. I have conversations with myself in my head and explain things to myself even though I already know what it is. For example, when I first thought of the "relive my life" scenario I knew what I meant after 10 seconds but I still explained it in my head for like a minute to myself.
4. This is the weirdest one I can think of and I think I might be the only one in the world who does this because it's stupid to be honest. So what I do is that I play a movie in my head and enjoy it a lot. It's EXTREMELY hard to explain what I mean but it's like this, let's say I play the Battlefield story mode and after I want to do this, then I choose a character and then I imagine his "adventures" and stuff but it's only the action. So it's a bit like a game, you know I root for the character and imagine his fighting and dialogues and sometimes it gets so intense that my heart raises and I get sweaty. It doesn't help that when I think about something (I've always done this) I have this kind of weird thing I do with my hands so I like hold my ringfinger as a pen and I sort of shake it.
It's hard to explain like I said but one of the things I think about is this: I have the character Patrick McReary from GTA IV and I think about his adventures in Irac and that he got screwed over there even though he's like the best at fighting. So he comes home to NY and realises how the government run everything and that people get killed in the streets by the cops and that everything is corrupted. Then Patrick decides to start an organisation to take over NY by fighting the government. Here comes an aspect from Assassin's Creed, he gets people that has it rough like gangsters and robbers and then he trains them to become assassins. After sometime they get a tattoo of the AC logo on their chest, then they get the people on their side and take over small sections of NY. After a few years when Patrick has a small army he attacks the "fort" that the mayor has and then against all odds the assassins win the battle. That scenario takes like 2 hours to complete usually.
Am I insane or something? I just realised this now and I'm actually starting to think that I am litterally insane.
P.S. Sorry if I misspelled some things, my native language isn't English like I said and I don't have spell check on this browser.