Am i in the wrong for wanting to withdraw from mentally ill people?

94% Normal

So I've got adhd and autism and I'm in general a sensitive person with a limited sense of humor. Ive always as long as I can remember been drawn to other people with diagnosises or other mental illnesses. It's nothing I chose its just how it is.
Now,lately I've found myself getting very stressed and anxious when these friends lash out at me or changes their tone of voice and gets angry with me without proper reasons. I'm at a point in my life where I have to put me first. I must lower my stress. It's exhausting to not know how my mentally ill friends will act. Seeing as the friends I've got who's not suffering from mental illness doesn't make me feel shitty with their behavior I have to come to the conclusion that in this case it's not my fault.

I've decided to try to not get to know any more people who's mentally ill. I need mature, calm people who like me chose to take responsibility for their own emotions and their own actions.

Negative behavior and people lashing out at me is something that I think is pure fucking toxic.

Voting Results

94% Normal

Based on 18 votes (17 yes)

Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!

[ Report Post ]

Comments ( 21 )

SkullsNRoses

4 years ago

You’re not obligated to stick around with toxic or exhausting people just because they’re mentally ill. I learned that one the hard way.

Comment Hidden ( show )

3

3
- RoseIsabella
  
  4 years ago
  
  Sometimes we have to just let people go. Sometimes the people aren't even formally diagnosed with a mental illness, but are instead just rabid codependents.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  2
  
  2
[Old Memory]

4 years ago

Quote "gets angry with me without proper reasons"

You have autism! They probably do have a valid reason but you can't understand or read people correctly.

Comment Hidden ( show )

2

2
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  4 years ago
  
  Totally valid question! But I more often than not know when I'm in the wrong, at least after I've talked it through with people I know can look at things objectively. I'll give you some examples ;
  
  A friend snapped at me and sounded really upset just because I left my backpack and a blanket in her hallway. She thought it looked messy. This was combined with me asking if we couldn't slack a bit before walking and asking her if she knew her dog had some serious dental issues (I looked in her dogs mouth when she wasn't home.i do understand that part though, that she felt that her privacy was violated. But after when we discussed the incident she admitted she got more pissed with my backpack... Worth to mention is that she has not previously mentioned that she doesn't want stuff in her hallway on the floor.
  
  Another time Mr and the same girl went for a walk. She insisted she could even though she'd sustained a horrible knee injury. I questioned her a bit but agreed to meet up (her doctor said she must not walk more than 30 minutes a day, the most. Our walk took 6 hours) she obviously ended up in pain and growled 'no one knows how bad this hurts and I'm sacrificing myself for your sake! " when I was just waiting for her to manage to walk over a fallen tree. I didn't stress her vocally at all. She just felt stressed because I waited for her. What else should I do?
  
  The same friend got angry with me for declining to come visit her during my week long vacation to lower my stress (it includes a total of 3 hours of train. And as I described the last time we met up after her work she was super stressed and made me get worked up too
  
  Another friend got irked with me when I told her that if I am to visit her with my dogs and keep my youngest dog in leash she must keep an eye on her dog because I will not restrain my male dog for her small maledogs comfort and have her dog run up to mine (this has happened many times before because she doesn't have any discipline of her dog)
  
  Another person went from loving everything about me for about a year to disliking me after my vacation from work... She's got borderline and has apologized. But she switches from being the sweetest person imaginable to a cold rude monster. I don't deal well with that.
  
  Now, my fault in my relationships is that I'm scared if conflicts and I've in the past avoided difficult topics. This om trying to work on and put my foot down.
  
  I hope this made sense. Otherwise I'll try to clarify.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - RoseIsabella
    
    4 years ago
    
    The gal who neglects her dog's teeth sounds pretty toxic to me.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    1
    
    1
    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      4 years ago
      
      Yeah. And the most shitty part about her is that I know exactly why she's acting like this. I know enough psychology to know she cannot help it. But I also know enough about myself to know that I can't see her several times a week either. Not before she's managed to start her long journey towards recovery. I don't know the English word for her issue but directly translated it's "complex ptsd" due to her horrible childhood with neglect she cannot cope with emotions like healthy people. She recently got this diagnosed by a psychiatrist and then I read up about it and it described her, spot on. But yes, she's toxic. And it's impossible to reach her when she's like this. When I told her I needed space, she then said she needed it too and that it was sooo nice to be without drama from everyone.
      I've tried to gently tell her that seeing as everyone in her life has told her she's a rude b-tch when she's upset it just might hold a hint of truth (she's said this herself)
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      1
      
      1
      - RoseIsabella
        
        4 years ago
        
        I don't disagree with any of what you've said there. I hope she's seeing a therapist for counseling as well as a psychiatrist for medication. She would probably really benefit from attending ACOA/ Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings, or at least reading about it in the book for that program.
        
        I wonder if she might have BPD as well?
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        0
        
        0
        
        -
        
        Anonymous Post Author
        
        4 years ago
        
        She's recently seen a psychiatrist for evaluation of her behavior. She isn't seeing anyone besides a support person to help her deal with her mums alcoholism.
        We haven't seen each other for almost two weeks now because I had enough. She treathened with suicide or at least she wrote something to me that can almost only be perceived as such. And two days after, when I was still irked she called me and asked if she could come visit. I explained to her that I had seven busy days coming up and that I really needed my alone time. She went pissy "no one ever wants to see me when I want to. It's always me who have to see them on their terms" to which I replied that of course I don't want to see someone if I'm not feeling up to it.
        
        One day after this she posts a shitty post on Facebook "another so called fake friend who abandons me when I set boundaries". It's i who have set boundaries, not her. But yes a lot of her behavior is very topically borderline.
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        1
        
        1
        
        See More Comments =>
chuy

4 years ago

So you want to withdraw from Trump?

Comment Hidden ( show )

2

2
- Doesnormalmatter
  
  4 years ago
  
  Shit the fuck up mate!!!!
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - chuy
    
    4 years ago
    
    How about NO! 😂😂😂
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
brutus

4 years ago

Yes, stay away from mentally ill people, they are some of the most toxic people you will encounter.

Comment Hidden ( show )

1

1
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  4 years ago
  
  Sadly yes. When they can't stop lashing out at me I draw the line.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  1
  
  1
RoseIsabella

4 years ago

I think it's normal to grow weary of relationships with high drama people. I'm at the point now where I don't want to hear anyone yelling, and screaming for whatever reason unless there is a poisonous snake within two feet of my face. I just have less, and less patience for for bullshit these days, and you better believe that I don't feel guilty about it either.

Comment Hidden ( show )

1

1
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  4 years ago
  
  Yes! I can't do loud voices. I panic. This I know is something I need to work on but at the same time I should not have to endure it on my free time without legitimate reasons. Might be because I've gotten older and more mature. You and I have discussed a lot in the past and I've always liked your opinions.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  1
  
  1
  - RoseIsabella
    
    4 years ago
    
    Thank you so much!
    
    I think it's important to do self care. Self care is more than just physical exercise, and personal hygiene. I think you have to have care for your own emotional, spiritual and intellectual well being. It's very possible that you may have a calming effect on people who are in mental and emotional crises, but if they don't do the work necessary to address their own issues they just keep coming back to you for a fix. Sometimes codependent people do that sort of thing, and it becomes necessary for you to set some boundaries with them.
    
    I know for me that I'm certainly a flawed person, and I've been working with my therapist, praying, trying to meditate, and attempting to challenge my negative thoughts for years. It can be very frustrating when someone wants advice all the time, but never takes any of it, never does any work around their issues, but keeps coming back with the same problems around the same issues as if they've never even spoken to you before. I think you may have to set boundaries with some people if they are not unlike what I've just described.
    
    You've got to spend time with positive people who feed your your heart, and soul with good vibes as well give yourself that precious alone time that you need for yourself. Don't let people drain you.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    1
    
    1
WeirdGuyFromTheSouth

4 years ago

Show me his friends and I will show you his future.

-Pena

Comment Hidden ( show )

1

1
mauzi

4 years ago

i want to withdraw from everyone. but incidentally, adhd and autistic people tend to be the coolest/most fun people i've met.

Comment Hidden ( show )

1

1
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  4 years ago
  
  That's the worst part. I only really click with these kinds of people because when they are eccentric and friendly they give so much energy and they view the world similar to how I view it. I've started to try and connect to people through mutual interests rather than relying on that click.
  It works seeing as I've got my dogs.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - RoseIsabella
    
    4 years ago
    
    My cat is my rock!
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0

Are You Normal?

Am i in the wrong for wanting to withdraw from mentally ill people?