All attractive qualities in a partner are just as shallow as each other

This sounds personal. Did this person give you a solid reason for rejecting you?

Also, you're going down a dangerous path. Attraction comes in many different forms, majority is mostly physical, but some are multiple variations of emotional/psychological depending on where we are in life. Thinking that being nice is the only qualification for a good partner is naive, because anyone can pretend to be nice (even serial killers), and not many of us can tell if someone is lying about it.

This is a very interesting take. Your logic makes sense, but I disagree with it. Shallow seems to be used because looks/body is just that; you see them and you're attracted or you're not, that's it. Whereas personality/intelligence goes far deeper than a base desire for physical attraction.

Someone's salty, i'm assuming

CALL ME SHALLOW ALL YOU WANT BUT IF HE AIN'T FUNNY OR SMART, NEVER GONNA HAPPEN!!!

Intelligence is something you can help. Yes, being a member of a different socioeconomic status can give you a disadvantage/advantage. However, once you become a certain age you have the internet at your fingertips. From there It’s up to the individual to pursue higher level thinking. Also, intelligence is not shallow. You bet your butt I want a mentally capable person who can help support my future offspring.

Confidence is something also that someone can help. Granted, some people may start at different levels because of their skills, looks, etc. But confidence is something that first is built through self acceptance and I know plenty of guys with nothing going on for them that love and accept themselves. Confidence just takes time and practice. Also, how is confidence shallow? No one wants to be with an insecure or weak person in a relationship. How can I trust any decision or thought of someone who is never confident in anything? That would just be stressful.

Lastly, niceness is not the deciding factor for attraction. You’re coming off as one of those “nice guys” who gets mad when the girl doesn’t want to be romantically involved with you. Niceness is not the only component of a person’s personality. girls are trying to search for depth in a partner and you think all it takes is just saying your please and thank you’s.

Disagree, if that's the case then why don't you start going out with all the nice mentally retarded people out there? It's unfulfilling as hell to be in a relationship with stupid, unfunny, insecure people unless you are those things yourself. Those are all qualities you can improve (unless you are in fact mentally retarded), you're just being lazy.

We should just agree that people are complex and what makes one attracted ( and eventually date) a person differs from one to another. I have been attracted to gorgeous guys and dated them, some were not interesting because what they liked and what I liked differed but there are other people who I'm sure find them amazing. I've also dated guys that I was attracted first but then found them to be more interesting because I like to talk about social issues and they did too.

The kind of guy that I was strongly against were the one who were expecting me to change or trying to control my movements and the kind of friends I was going out with.

But I do understand what you are saying but I don't think that there is anyone who is really nice all the time. I take myself as example. In some relationship I was very nice and in others less. There are people who would say that I have been very bad to them and others who would say that they have been bad to me.

What I mean is that there is no way to understand to what we are really attracted to. Fristly it may be looks, then it may be personality but when you're with somebody for a long time you no longer know what has taken the relationship that far. It's the addition of a lot of little things.

But there are so many attractive qualities a person can have which they do have control over? Being hardworking, laidback, well-read, charitable, successful, ambitious, considerate, the list goes on and on. And also confidence is something that most people do have some control over, long-term, as well as being funny. I don't think any of that is shallow, it speaks volumes of someone's character and we all have control over that.

I guess maybe intelligent is legitimate but even then I do think most people have some control over this, depending on how you define intelligence. It's difficult to define it in a meaningful way.

I think it's inappropriate to judge someone as shallow, because they happen to prefer an attractive, intelligent, and witty person instead of an ugly, stupid, and unamusing person. We all have a right like what we like.

They care about your bank balance tho.

That's stupid. I'm not gonna date someone unless they are smart and funny, because then we'd have nothing to say to eachother. I've met 10000 "nice" guys who I find exceptionally boring, why should I be forced to date them?
Not to mention that what I may find smart and funny is super different from what someone else finds funny. A perfect linear scale for judging people's smarts or whatever does not exist. So it just matters if the person is a match to you.

Case in point: I once played cards against humanity with my BF and another couple (and two other people). Even though obviously the cards where shuffled so the person choosing wouldn't know who submitted them, each member of a coupletended to choose the other member almost everytime; *because they had the same sense of humour*. Which isn't to say one couple was funnier than the other, or that the two single people were unfunny, just that we had found good matches.

Ironically, being shallow is a VERY unattractive trait.

NB: Just so you know, it's not only girls who judge the people they date on their physical, mental and emotional traits. Everyone does it.

Looking beautiful is evolutionarily good for healthy people. Also not being dumb, and creepy.

The traits that you mentioned can be changed to a large extent by a person's own efforts.

Your looks are just what you were born with, and there's no really changing that except through surgery

Intelligence:

It's often judged by how generally knowledgeable and quick-witted someone is. Knowledge can be acquired by being studious, observant, hard-working and willing to learn.

The more knowledge you have, the easier it is to rapidly bring it to the surface and use it resourcefully- quick-wit.

Those are things within your control. A lot of smart people may not physically have better brains than normal, or even perceived stupid people. It's their attitude towards others and education that makes the difference.

Confidence:

It's belief in yourself and your abilities, and being comfortable with them.

From my own experiences and knowledge of others', I've concluded that true self-confidence (not ego) is something that you have to earn for yourself.

Confidence can come from making yourself into the best person you can be- someone you can be proud of.

First, make a decision to accept areas that you don't like, but you can't improve upon, like disabilities or ugliness.

But what can you improve? Upon asking that question, you'll probably realize that there's a lot, and that's a good thing.

Work hard, develop skills, exercise and eat better if you're overweight, study if you feel stupid.

Funny:

Tbh, I don't know that much about this, but I think that it's associated with both confidence and intelligence.

To make good jokes, you'd need the wit to compose them, and the confidence to put yourself out there, despite the possibility that others won't find you funny.

On a physical and technical level, it is more shallow to prefer traits on the outside to those on the inside.

All that being said, I still find those "pure", "moral" girls to be somewhat annoying. They can be just as picky, so how much difference does it really make?

Ok, that's fair enough. Thank you too for your polite response :)

Who cares we what other people think! If someone thinks I'm shallow, because of one thing, or another they can kiss my ass. I'm not going accept anything I don't want for fear of some asshole thinking I'm shallow. We all have our preferences, and our types.

Also there are plenty of so called nice people who are just phonies who can't express themselves.

It's better to be alone than to be with a stupid, unfunny, ugly toad of a person.

You sound really bitter, like you've got a big cow chip on your shoulder there, OP. You just post this stupid garbage then sit there giving people the thumbs down, because you are too "nice" to actually respond to the comments. Who the Hell are you to actually judge anyone else on whether, or not they are actually shallow? The good news is that most smart, and savvy people don't care what you think of them.