I have a similar situation, and I decided not to "announce" it, but I don't lie either. I think of the fundamental things my family believe that I think are good and bad and just don't give my input when it comes to what i think about God himself. See I figure there is some "higher being" of some sort, but I no longer think he's as controlling of our lives as I used to, as my family still does, etc. But I can still admire the good points of my family's religion, like giving, treating others with respect, etc. Sure I have met very few people who practice said religion who do not practice what they preach, but I feel that by emphasizing the good points in a logical and empathetic way is a good way to avoid conflict and also encourage them to pursue those aspects more. And if I don't agree with a particular negative view they have, chances are that negative view isn't "set in stone" in their religious books and philosophies either. Most religions I've studied a decent bit (which we many as I was trying to find the "truth" when I started to have "doubt") seem to me to be mostly about love and respect and responsibility, when you get right down to it. There's a bunch of hooplah that gets pushed in there too but if you just focus on the parts of the religion that you hopefully can still agree with, that's good enough I think.
My cousin denounced the family's religion and he HAS been disowned. He was EVERYONE'S favorite before, too. Always was faithful, did well in school, never "back talked" etc. But as soon as he decided to be his own person and spoke his mind, he was out.
In his situation I think he was better off, they all put soooooo much pressure on him and were so controlling of his life that if he hadn't stood up for himself he would have never been able to be himself with anyone ever. But the rest of the "kids" (we are all grown up now) and much more open minded than the "adults" and were never controlled as much as him, so we are able to be there for him and be his familial support.
So if you can, try to keep the peace while being honest with yourself, even if it gradually becomes understood that you aren't real religious anymore anyway. I still go to church with my family for the major holiday events, and I don't lie and say I go to church the rest of the time. I tell them that I find it easier to talk to God when I'm by myself and have trouble with the negativity of some people at church. And I do pursue my own spiritual life of sorts, so that's not a lie. And you'd be hard pressed to find anyone in any church or similar organization who doesn't feel that there are those less pious and more offensive than them, so they can't really disagree with that either.
Agnostic with religious parents. Advice?
← View full post
I have a similar situation, and I decided not to "announce" it, but I don't lie either. I think of the fundamental things my family believe that I think are good and bad and just don't give my input when it comes to what i think about God himself. See I figure there is some "higher being" of some sort, but I no longer think he's as controlling of our lives as I used to, as my family still does, etc. But I can still admire the good points of my family's religion, like giving, treating others with respect, etc. Sure I have met very few people who practice said religion who do not practice what they preach, but I feel that by emphasizing the good points in a logical and empathetic way is a good way to avoid conflict and also encourage them to pursue those aspects more. And if I don't agree with a particular negative view they have, chances are that negative view isn't "set in stone" in their religious books and philosophies either. Most religions I've studied a decent bit (which we many as I was trying to find the "truth" when I started to have "doubt") seem to me to be mostly about love and respect and responsibility, when you get right down to it. There's a bunch of hooplah that gets pushed in there too but if you just focus on the parts of the religion that you hopefully can still agree with, that's good enough I think.
My cousin denounced the family's religion and he HAS been disowned. He was EVERYONE'S favorite before, too. Always was faithful, did well in school, never "back talked" etc. But as soon as he decided to be his own person and spoke his mind, he was out.
In his situation I think he was better off, they all put soooooo much pressure on him and were so controlling of his life that if he hadn't stood up for himself he would have never been able to be himself with anyone ever. But the rest of the "kids" (we are all grown up now) and much more open minded than the "adults" and were never controlled as much as him, so we are able to be there for him and be his familial support.
So if you can, try to keep the peace while being honest with yourself, even if it gradually becomes understood that you aren't real religious anymore anyway. I still go to church with my family for the major holiday events, and I don't lie and say I go to church the rest of the time. I tell them that I find it easier to talk to God when I'm by myself and have trouble with the negativity of some people at church. And I do pursue my own spiritual life of sorts, so that's not a lie. And you'd be hard pressed to find anyone in any church or similar organization who doesn't feel that there are those less pious and more offensive than them, so they can't really disagree with that either.
Anyway, good luck.