Advice please

Coming here for advice and opinions, you can tell me I’m a joke and make fun all you want but I’m at a loss.

Me and by boyfriend will be going on 5 years this July and for the last three years he’s told me how much I’ve ruined his life and I’m the reason he’s let him self go and is angry, messy, etc.

I’m at fault because every time he pushes away I pull closer. I know I love someone who doesn’t love me and doesn’t even want me in their life. But I don’t know how to let go.

5 years ago I couldn’t imagine being in a relationship and now I can’t imagine life being singe. He was 15 and I was 17, at first he was obsessed with me made me feel amazing and after 2-3 years it’s like a switch flipped and that’s when he started telling me he hated me. Wouldn’t talk to me for weeks at a time and like I said above I ran back every time.

I’m scared, scared of what his family will think of me, what he’ll say to our friends and mostly of all seeing him with someone else. What makes it even harder is I’ve become VERY close with his older sister, we work together and I feel like when break up that’s is another relationship I will lose.

I know I should move on, we try talking and he becomes angry saying the most hurtful things. That he hates everything about me and our relationship. I want to prove I’m good enough. But I know I should be with someone who I don’t need to prove it to, someone who loves me unconditionally like I love him.

What’s your advice for a break up? I’m gonna break up with him I think but I’m gonna be so broken.

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Comments ( 17 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • Get out now and discover yourself. Who cares what his family thinks. Anyone who believes you should stay with your high school sweetheart forever needs a heavy dose of reality. Those rarely last. We change so much in our 20's, you need to start learning who that person is. You will never do that in a toxic relationship.

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  • Sounds like a co-dependant nightmare. Get out now before it’s too late.

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  • Yeah it will probably make your life suck for a while, but a broken heart now, is better than waiting. What's it going to be like when you two are married with kids, and he starts routinely bashing your face in. It won't be any easier to leave him then. Get out now !!!

    Also, how would you advise your best friend if she was dating a prick like this? Would you tell her to stay?

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  • Why would you be sad if you leave him if he treats you like shit?
    Find someone better for you, who would take care of you and don't think that you "ruined his life".

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  • You clearly recognise that this is a toxic relationship and your fixation on a guy who doesn't respect you and is so immature that he blames you for all his failings is going nowhere good. It's always stupid to hope that another person will change and become a better, happier person if only we can figure out how to change ourselves and alter how we deal with them. Whatever is going on in the guy's head, you're not responsible for how he chooses to view life and your relationship. You can't make that change, and it's also stupid to hope that hanging in there will give him time to grow up and then everything will be perfect. That's just not how life and people work. Even if he does eventually grow up, you two have a load of emotional baggage that you'll be lugging around as long as you're together.

    Breaking up is rarely enjoyable, and the only way to avoid awkward, painful moments is by moving to another town and making a completely new life for yourself. You know this relationship isn't working for either you or him, so you somehow need to find enough strength and self-respect to make the leap into the unknown.

    What others think about you and the two of you breaking up is irrelevant. This is not their life; it's yours. They don't know what's been going on between you two in private; you do. If you live your life constantly worrying about what others think of you and perpetually striving to gain their approval, you're going to have a pretty miserable life.

    You say you're close friends with his older sister and you're afraid of losing this relationship too. Is she someone who has her head screwed on right, or is she one of those dimwits who believes that her little brother is perfect and she loses her ability to think rationally if someone ever says anything even faintly critical of him?

    If half of what you say is true and if his sister is a reasonably intelligent person, she must be aware of what he's like and the tensions in your relationship. If she's capable of having a calm, rational conversation about him, maybe you should consider talking to her about how you're feeling and your fears.

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  • God damn its called an enter key

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    • Sorry ?

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      • This this key with a left facing arrow on your keyboard it does something magnificent here I'll show you.

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        It a

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        Maybe edit your post

        And fix that disgusting mess for fuck sakes

        Oh good for you you figured it out.

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  • I think there is no reason to stay with someone who makes you feel bad especially since there are no kids and youre so young! Just realize, you both need to grow up and your relationship has become toxic. Its better to be alone than to be with someone negative.
    You dont deserve to get blamed for ruining his life he chose to stay didnt he??
    Focus on other people, pets, hobbies, your friends anything but him.

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  • IDK 15 to 22 is still very young an immature, he might change but if not he will continue to put you down. When I was that age I blamed this girl I was with for fucking up my life and putting me in certain situations, I however realised that my life being fucked was all my own fault. We were at peace after that and had a few more great years together, we got along a lot better, moved to a nicer town, both got jobs together. Things were good apart from we were always around each other (work, home, recreation) and I'm a person that gets weird now and then and just need to be alone.

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  • I think you should seek professional mental help!

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    • Why is that may I ask?

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  • I edited oh you fixed it good for you. Thars all I edited not even a complete sentence.. jesus you are worse than i

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