Accidentally called "girl" at work she instead of them?

New "girl" at work told us their pronouns were they/them. Said she wasn't a female, she has no gender. I accidentally said she, they said it was okay but it hurt them. I apologized but then I did it again accidentally and they got really angry and told me I'm discriminating against their non gender identity. Now they said if I do it again they're going to take legal actions.

How do I stop accidentally saying she and her? It's a struggle.

Voting Results
48% Normal
Based on 23 votes (11 yes)
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Comments ( 28 )
  • RoseIsabella

    Your new coworker needs to get over it.

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  • a-curious-bunny

    Go to hr and tell them she's harassing you for accidently calling them her instead of they. Hr will likey be on your side in this case. Most likey sit you both down for a chat and that'll be it.

    Edit: dont tell her you'll do it just do it or this will escalate

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    • litelander8

      I agree. Also beating people to the punch is always good.

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    • donkeykong716

      I concur. Not only are you not harassing ‘her’, ‘she’ is the one actually harassing you.

      (Sorry, I really detest using the they/them pronouns)

      For crying out loud, just tell -her- you will call -her- by - her- name.

      (Now try substituting they/them for every time I said her, it sounds asinine and grammatically so messed up)

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  • my_life_my_way

    Not only is there no legal action she can take, given that you made a mistake and didn’t deliberately attack her ‘gender identity’ but it’s also nearly impossible to prove. Any witnesses would just say you made a harmless mistake once or twice. She’s just an idiot and she’ll probably grow out of it.

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    • Inkmaster

      If they're in the US, then there's definitely no legal action she can take against them. Freedom of speech, baby. (Well, technically you can take legal action against a ham sandwich, but that doesn't mean it'll hold up in court.)

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    • jethro

      That's not how harassment or hostile work environment works. She can do something about it.

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      • my_life_my_way

        She could if it was done deliberately and he was consistently doing it, accidentally doing it twice doesn’t make a good legal case

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  • ellnell

    Those fucking people are so annoying, seriously. So manyy dont even attempt to look "gender neutral" they look just like the stereotypical man or stereotypical woman. They just wanna be special thats literally all, not so cool you know to just be a "cis woman". I had one of those tumblr snowflakes in class for a while and the math teacher would always misgender her and she had to correct her like "excuse me it's THEY". Omg *facepalm*. It's a pronun, who the fuck cares. If someone accidently called me a boy for some reason I wouldn't care.

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    • a-curious-bunny

      3 if my coworkers do that all the time. All 3 of them come from Muslim countries. Not making a jibe just an observation . They arnt hostile at all. Part of me wonders if it's because English isn't there first language. (One doesn't even know how to spell his name)
      If yhats how they really see me or something else entirely.

      Letting it get to you is pointless. Now if it was done maliciously yea we'd have a problem but its not and its just work. As im always telling my one boss he just needs to relax a minute and stop stressing.

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  • jethro

    To avoid the situation just use her name in lieu of a pronoun.

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  • Mini69

    Just call her thing from now on. ‘Oy thing, it’s your turn to make the coffee’.

    These idiots that claim to have no gender get right on my tits. It’s a biological fact that people are either male or female. They may not like their assigned gender and they may choose to change their gender since science has now made this possible. They can even pretend they belong to the opposite gender without having the operation and that’s fine as well. But, at the end of the day it is a biological fact that we all have a gender.

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    • Clunk42

      While I may not agree with everything that you said here, that joke made me laugh.

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    • a-curious-bunny

      I always live these posts cause you guys really never know the difference between gender and sex its hilarious. Not to mention the history on gender since being transgender is in all of human history. With the rise of Christianity it became far less com.on to see but thats not really surprising considering how violent they were historically.

      Otherwise yes agreed

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  • SkullsNRoses

    If you’re not doing it deliberately they need to grow up, mistakes happen. As others have said, avoid talking to them and just use their name as much as possible.

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  • goyja-yearnin

    try to respect their pronouns but its not your fault for forgetting and they should be being patient with you, you didnt do anything wrong if you didnt do it on purpose

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  • megadriver

    Tell IT you want IT to only refer to you as "Conqueror Thor, twilight vanquisher of the dragonspire", or some other magic adventure shit XD
    Or there's always the good 'ol classic joke, telling her you identify as an AH-64 Apache attack helicopter!

    And don't worry, nobody can take legal action for stuff like this. Go talk to HR and tell 'em you're being harassed for a simple mistake. If bitch wants to play that game, then play hard.

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    • GaelicPotato

      Unless you're in Canada.

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  • JellyBeanBandit

    You did it accidentally, they should realise it's difficult to get into the habit of using a new pronoun for someone who still looks like a female. I don't think there's anything they could get HR to do, apart from ask you to try harder to call them by they/them. (Even I had to rewrite most of this paragraph after accidentally using 'she' in it).

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    • GaelicPotato

      That's the big problem with the snowflake generation. They want everyone to be understanding towards their spiel but lack the skill to do so themselves.

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  • thepuppet

    just talk as little as possible

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  • darefu

    Don't talk to it !

    Just look at these comments, because you said a new "girl", a lot of these comments used she and her. It is hard to get away from it. If you have to talk to it. Use it's name or just consider it an object. A person is an object, a girl or boy is a type of person or type of object.

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  • bigbudchonga

    What a nut job. Just avoid her, dude. I would say she for an actual he, or he for an actual she, but not any of the other shit. Go to HR like curious bunny said.

    What country are you in by the way? In America you should be safe.

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  • GaelicPotato

    No, it's not normal to be a snowflake about people behaving as expected.

    They look like a she. They scientifically are a she. Your brain automatically says She. It takes additional thoughts to adapt to they/them, and if they want you to then there's no harm in trying to adjust.

    That being said, there is a fundamental difference between accidentally using your brains default instead of /they/them, and purposely refusing to use their preferred pronoun. This is something a lot of these people refuse to understand, and ironically makes them less understanding then the person who accidentally misgendered them.

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  • Tommythecaty

    If you recognised her as a she it’s a pretty good sign that she’s a she....

    Fucking “them” what a stupid load of crap, they are not Norman Bates lol.

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  • Somenormie

    That happens to me all the time.

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  • Goomats

    Nobody is really a "they"...well, some people are born intersex, but that is very rare.
    I find it odd when people who clearly demonstrate sexual features want to be called "they". What is the incentive? Everyone can tell what gender he or she is? Do they realize people are just humoring them?

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  • verynormalusername

    How about use their correct pronouns? You just sound like an ass to me.

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