A mixture of unexplained feelings

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6 Comments

For the past few weeks now, I have felt retarded.

Literally retarded, whenever I find myself in a social situation, and someone asks me a question I have trouble responding. The more I think about the question the worst it comes out. I HATE talking on the phone with people because I never have anything to say. It's REALLY f**king annoying because I know I wasent like this before. I would have occations where I would have a nervous episode but now it's constant. My main problem is that I cant articulate my thoughts into words, I have no problem typing how I feel, or writting it in a journal. Its only when it comes to social situations. I also have an acute case of BDD or "Body Dismorphic Disorder" which adds to my anxiety alot. I'm CONSTANTLY concerned about the way that I look, I f**king hate my face with a burning passion. I wish I could rip it off and set it on fire. I hate my body, and I hate how all cloths fit me. I'm very skinny and I feel that there is something terribly wrong with the way that I look.

Everyone tells me it's all in my head, but I beg to differ. I HATE what I see in the mirror, it affects everything I do. I just dont see a point in living life if i'm not beautiful.....it really disturbs me. I'm a 19 year old male, i've had quite a few girlfriends none of which lasted that long. I've always been told that i'm an attractive man, yet I feel that i'm only attractive at first judgement and then after we get to know each other they realize how ugly I am. I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND IT!!!! I would do anything to feel happy and secure again, it's just really really hard for me. I feel dead inside, like all the life has been sucked out of me.

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Based on 44 votes (22 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • forehind
    14 years ago

    Same for me, chap. I have a serious stammer that can prove it. Speech therapy helped... a bit. I just hope I can be the awesome person I know I could be if everything was right with me and I wasn't so phucked up. I feel your grief, know that there are more like you, sometimes worse. But try talking to people you already know, people you're comfortable with. Know that everyone is human, like you, and there is no reason why you should fear another human, unless they're trying to kill you.

    50%% of people are insecure, and often worse than you think.

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  • BoredGuy
    13 years ago

    testosterone shots. Men dont care.

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  • [Old Memory]
    14 years ago

    You just sound way too intense, anxious, judgmental and - well - a bit of a perfectionist. thats frank and straight. could be adolescent hormones. Or immature. But being your own public enemy No. ! is just dump, winds you up, makes you anxious, you fuck up, hate yourself, and on and on it goes...

    And you are doing it all to yourself. Do the words self control & self respect have any meaning to you?

    If not ... enjoy yourself and all the fun you are having grooving on your pain...

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    • [Old Memory]
      14 years ago

      * just dumb

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  • Synopsis
    14 years ago

    It's the same with me in a way. Unfortunately, brain message to speech is a different function than to text. Just build up conversation confidence, and always be thinking of something to avoid boring the other person. If you ever find yourself in an awkward silence on the phone, just say something. It really doesn't matter, it just releases the tension between you and the recipient. Always be interested in the other person. Don't talk about yourself too much unless the other person asks. This can lead to the other person thinking that you are a little self-centered.
    All the best.

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  • EndStreet
    15 years ago

    Nothing anyone here could say could make a difference in you except that u need professional help. This is not normal for anyone to hate every aspect of himself ... It sounds that u are attractive since u have had girlfriends and been told more than once . And from the look of it u lack self esteem to be able to open up to anyone and have a conversation . Find out what made you become this way since u state that u werent like that before ,and find whats the source that is stopping you from speaking your mind .Really man get help from someone

    Wish u all the gl =)

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