A laundry list of why i might be lonely

1.) I have a contempt and love for people at the same time. I've noticed I can be critical and judgmental of others. I've also noticed a tendency to want to "save", "help" or "change" others. I'm not proud of this. I think it has a lot to do with co-dependency issues I learned at a very young age.

2.) I had an old high school friend who was my best friend. I had to end the friendship for the second (and hopefully final) time because she was always ditching me for newer, more exciting people, even when we re-united as grown people in college. She always made me feel like an old t-shirt - never good enough to take out of the closet, but always sitting there, waiting for her, just in case. There were also some beautiful things about her, but I decided the bad stuff hurt too much.

3.) Ending this friendship, as well as a relationship that wasn't working and a job I didn't like, is part of the things I have ended and part of my way of being able to say, "No." Sometimes, I wonder if I'm going through too many changes at once, or if my standards are too high.

4.) I don't drink, (every once in a blue moon I might) this has become a problem socially. Hard to meet and hang out with people who also don't drink (it's all right with me if people drink, but it's also hard to be around drunk people). I wish I could find more people who were interested in the things that I like to do that's not going to the bar.

5.) I've been in this new place that I moved to from out of state for about a year and six months. Meeting new people has been awkward at times.

6.) I'm a gay girl, and a lot of my new acquaintances seem to make passes at me or tell me that they like me instead of wanting to be my friend. I don't know why. Maybe I'm flirting and don't know it? Maybe I don't know how to be friends without revealing a sexual/romantic side of myself?

7.) Sometimes I'm lazy and don't follow through with friends or if it feels like too much work, I won't call them right away or if they live too far away, it's hard for me to get out to see them.